Spacegoat

OMG my mind is blown here. This guy knows everything WTF

Tooshabby

I've only had time to watch half of this, Stratman, but It's an excellent video and I'm going to watch the rest of it tonight when I have time. Thanks for posting. "Where can you go when you are a child?" Indeed.

chicory

Phew, Stratman. Very enlightening.

saoutchik

I've been through some (not all)

I still have that hatred of my parents but I will not, WILL NOT be ruined by them.

I'm quite old Strat (55) it took me a long time to not be F***ed up by my parents but i'm not, I have been through all kinds of alcoholic s**t but I will not be a loser anymore

To paraphrase someone -the excellent Melinda Flowers I think - " I will beat this even if I am the only f***er that ever does"

You be better than them Strat

Spacegoat

Thanks saoutchick. I'm light years better than them and always was. I dont hate them no, I actually still feel sorry for them sometimes as that the fool I am.

I was reading more about what makes them the way they are earlier today. Phew indeed, chicory. That was intense. I had to stop it about halfway through.

Because it was word for word & blowing my mind. I just clicked on it before I posted. There is not but a handful of words in the difference between my life.

And that to me even is shocking. I wasn't expecting anything like that. I watched it 3 times in almost disbelief Too Shabby with every word that he's saying.

2WheelsGood

Looks interesting. I will be sure to watch that tomorrow when the wife isn't asleep next to me. Thanks for posting.

PurpleKnight

Thanks for sharing Strat!!

Spacegoat

I watched it 7 times and didn't cry although it was difficult not to.

Perhaps I should have because now I am angry.

WritingFromLife

I was diagnosed with C-PTSD in January 2014--triggered by several years of sociopathic (malignant narcissist) abuse. Very clearly Stockholm Syndrome present as a child, and later with this trigger. (I call this God putting my face on the Benihana Grill to get my attention--I really had to have my soul shredded before I would be broken enough to listen).

The healing experience was at the very least, profound.

I dare say I would not have become who I am today without it--it revealed my purpose and gave me the passion and wisdom to live it.....

And it taught me how to recognize and listen to my intuition, IMMEDIATELY.

It took lots of work, lots of tears--wasn't easy. But it was WORTH IT.

Spacegoat

Good to hear. I have sought out many methods of healing of my own volition and they were indeed healing experiences.

However I am not infallible or even self sufficient. Do you mind me asking what it was that took lot's of work and tears?

WritingFromLife

Not at all, Strat! I was abused as a child--learned to disassociate early on. This "saved" me as far as the rest of the world saying "wow I can't believe how well you turned out given all you went through" yada yada. What I DIDN'T know was this monster was still sitting and waiting--the trigger was a 6 year relationship (it was a close friendship) with a sociopath--a covert narcissist--from 2007- Fall 2013.

I was at the top of my game and had just experienced the absolute best year of my life as far as success-best shape, first marathon, writing, etc... when this I met this person.

Slowly, without me knowing it, he chiseled away at my soul via manipulation/gaslighting. Eventually, the Mr. Nice Guy mask would slip--and he would show how cruel he really was...only to bounce back to Mr. Nice Guy if that served his purpose...(hot/cold, push/pull, over and over).

This literally shredded me and left me a shell of what I was when I met him.

I went from public speaking, confident, in shape, full of love and radiance, to agoraphobic, paranoid, shaky, overweight, non-stop crying....

When he was no longer in my life, I experienced intrusive thoughts, panic attacks if I even heard his NAME, and much more.

The first book I read was on abandonment--here I learned the stages of grief from experiences such as these (different from the normal stages relating to death, etc.) That helped much.

Sooo....within 2 months of no contact, and after reading literally 50 books on narcissism/sociopathy/psychopathy....etc, I went to a psychologist for help. She helped me see things and how they were related to my childhood. How HE (the narcopath, I call him) represented my mother and at least one of my lifetime bosses.

It was a very strange experience. I would be happy to give you any more information and expound on anything I mentioned as I am not sure what I have listed here helps you at all!

This type of emotional abuse is not well understood, yet it is finally getting a voice.

Psychopathfree.com helped me as well as Friends and Family Forum here at SR-- did MANY books and websites-- but these two are STILL my go to.

Spacegoat

Thanks for replying WritingFromLife. There does sound like a lot of similarities to be honest.

I find it hard to believe this stuff is not well understood and that we are actually the experts.

But then again that does make lots of sense. Experience > learning I would be apt to believe.

As for the books? Appreciate it, but I'm not going to be able to read my way out of this thing.

That was my plan. I have a big book collection. Well I had anyway, lord knows who has them.

Tooshabby

Hi Stratman, I just noticed this. Why would you prevent yourself from crying? It's a natural and healing response. There have been so many times when I have desperately wanted to cry, but have been unable to access those feelings. If you can do that, I think that's a very good thing. You might want to consider watching it again, letting go, and having a good bawl. The few times in my life I have been able to do that I have felt like a huge weight has been lifted. It may not get us to our destination, but it can be one step taken on a long road toward peace.

Spacegoat

Well no I'm really tired of crying now. And I am tired of harming myself, drinking and whatnot. I'm really tired of suffering all the time.

Tooshabby

Angel, I understand that. You are not alone, no matter how much you feel that you are. And I don't say that to dismiss the extreme pain you feel about everything you have gone through. For me, the only thing that makes the trauma in my life worthwhile is that it has given me the ability to empathise with and help others. This is well within your capabilities too - in fact you are doing it right now by courageously sharing your experiences. This is a profound gift to the world that has come from your own personal, enormous suffering. You are a beautiful person, like all of us :-)

Spacegoat

Thanks TooShabby

Retread1959

Stratman, if you have not already read them, you might be interested in the books by Alice Miller and Judith Herman. Judith Herman coined the term complex-PTSD and Alice Miller did a lot of work around trauma in childhood and its effects.

Retread1959

And yes, i suffer from CPTSD also.

Spacegoat

I'l look it up now, thanks. Does it go away or what? I say that I'm not suffering with it but the reality is I am. I go to the city for a day and it's clear I am pretty much helpless and alone. And I'm more or less stuck in an extension of the cycle of it otherwise. I've managed to cut ties with one side of my family but it was difficult, and I lost everything in the process.

NestWasEmpty

Very Powerful - Eye opening Stratman , Thanks for sharing . My parents were alcoholic's seen & went through more things than I care to go into . Both in childhood & adult .
Dr says Anxiety , but after seeing this I may have these disorders as well .
At least with becoming Sober I can handle problems easier
I wish you luck in finding ways to heal SR has been a great help to me .