tambdy

Hi,

Thanks to everyone's help i was going so well last December 9 days off it before my blood tests but since then you will be lucky if i have had 9 days off since then in total.

I did manage 2 out the last 5 days off, not in a row and the plan was to keep walking tonight until the shop was closed but started raining and i could not last.

It is the mental side which is killing me and when i stop drinking if i could go to the gym then i would be able to last by the shop closing time but my body is so dehydrated even though i drink 3ltr of water a day so i can't go to the gym. Tried it once and went dizzy, i need a good week of alcohol until i think i will be re hydrated enough to drink.

Doctor told me in December that if i stop drinking liver will be fine but it is my bowel which is worrying me the now, between pains i am getting when i eat i am sick and i very rarely eat plus managed to put 2 stone on without eating... I just don't get it.

I look back on my life 30 years old and i have nothing due to gambling and drinking. Old car, debt no house(living with parents) only thing i do make sure i pay for is my daughter. My life has been a total waste and i am not sure even if i stop now maybe it is too late to change it all.

I just hope if i stop my body goes back to normal and i get time to change my ways and get a savings for my daughter when i go...

I have a good job and never have any money as i pawn all my stuff each month before buying it back in order to drink and gamble. I also owe my family a lot of money and they help me out each month without knowing what is going on.

I drink a drink which is only 15% alcohol and only 1 bottle a night but it also have 37.5% caffeine which is making my heart go mental every night.

Anyway sorry for the long post, most of it wont make scene as really it makes not scene to me.

PurpleKnight

Welcome back Tambdy!!

If there's one thing you'll find on SR, it's understanding, your post makes a lot of sense, for me not having any hope that things could change was a familiar feeling, the cycle seemed to be never ending and alcohol was making my life a misery more and more as time went on.

What broke the cycle was daily support, something to get me outside of my own mind, something to keep me focused on Sobriety, as in isolation, sheer willpower, merely hoping things would get better, it never seemed to work, I needed a plan and something to keep me going when my own energy reserves seemed to be used up.

You can do this, and you'll find loads of support here to make Sobriety happen!!

sva777

First off it is never to late to change your life, and it will be in your best interest as it seems you already have realized this at least for your daughters sake.

You need to stop making excuses and come up with a plan You say you want to exercise but your dehydrated and dizzy, well that's because your drunk or hungover most likely. Easiest way to start feeling better is cut off the poison liquid your feeding yourself.

You will get back to some sense of normal once your body starts adjusting to not having to deal with processing that garbage. What are you drinking anyway, you said it has alcohol and caffeine? Is this like a Four Loco or Red Bull and Vodka?

I am sure you can get it together, start small and before you know it you will be stringing sober days together no problem. We are all here to help each other and I am pretty sure I felt as bad as you not all that long ago.

tambdy

It's buckfast i drink . How long have you been sober? Were you in contact pain, feeling down etc?

Thanks for the kind words

tambdy

Thanks putting a plan together might be the right idea.

sva777

I have been sober since January 9th and yeah it was a real struggle. I had quit drinking countless times over the years. I always wound up back drinking again, it was the familiar smell of the booze and the feeling of numbness after the first few chugs. It was killing me but I could not stop.

I wound up in the ER in January and that's when I decided to make a change. The first month was awfully rough and I never want to experience that ever again. The thing is I knew I needed to stop as you also know but I just couldn't do it. My health was suffering, I had phantom pains and I swear I could feel my liver dying inside.

With the support of my Wife and my family I made a plan and have stuck to it. Like I said the first month was rough but you get through it. I now don't feel like my liver is dying and I actually feel pretty good if not great most of the time. I am not worried about my health all the time and I am not wasting days hungover and paralyzed with anxiety anymore.

I don't know exactly why this time in January stuck and the other times I swore I would quit did not but after I had a bunch of sober time it was much easier to realize that was some place I did not want to go back to.

saoutchik

Hi tambdy, congratulations on posting.

I don't think too many people successfully quit just by "white knuckling" it- most people need some extra support from somewhere.

This might be AA or maybe going back to your doctor to see if any help is available (drugs,rehab, counselling etc). It also involves making a plan for those times when the cravings kick in

Hopefully someone might post some useful links soon

Good luck tambdy

PurpleKnight

Plenty of info here to help with coming up with a plan!!

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

tambdy

Had you been drinking long? And well done, i know i need to stop like you did putting the wheels in motion is the hard part.

sva777

Been drinking for years, ever since I was a kid I wanted alcohol. Been bad for years as well but I just could not stop.

MythOfSisyphus

I drank too much for around 25 years, Tambdy. It's not too late to live another kind of life than the one you've known so far.

On The Road

I drank for over 25 years, the last 10 'til blackout most nights. Been sober 7 months.

I tried quitting many times, but always went back. This time, as others have said, I came up with a plan and have stuck to it.

1. I don't drink. EVER! I can't emphasize how important it is to do whatever it takes to go to bed sober TONIGHT.
2. Exercise - early in the morning. This means I have to go to bed sober because I'd never make it there after drinking.
3. Therapy. To deal with anxiety and stress triggers.
4. Knowing that I'll make ANY excuse to drink: I'm sad, I'm happy, I'm lonely, I'm bored, I want to, because the sky's blue.
5. Read/post on SR...

Now it's your turn to create a plan that works for you. Many good resources here. Start by not drinking and add to your plan as you go. You'll start to figure out what works for you when you begin logging some sober time.

Wishing you well on your new journey.

Dee74

Hi Tambdy


Lots of good advice here already ... I'm not sure where you are in the world but it sounds like you could do with a professional medical look over?

It's best to be safe than sorry, man.

D

sva777

I hope your doing well.

thomas11

Tambdy, I was going to contribute something to this post, but sva777 pretty summed up exactly what I would have said. It is right on the money. Think it through.

Soberwolf

Hi Tambdy i remember them 9 days

Those 9 days proved you can stay sober

My life got better when i accepted i can not drink alcohol responsibly or safely

I reached out every time i felt urges or cravings

I started learning sobriety tools by working on my sobriety

change is vital you can do this bud

CaseyW

How are you doing this morning, Tambdy?

tambdy

Hey Casey am good thanks, last night was pretty horrible my bowel issues are driving me nuts and every time i was falling a sleep i keep getting what can only be described as a shock.

I did sleep until 11am which is the longest in my life but was a very broken sleep. This is day 2 i think lol so so far so good, thanks for all the advise everyone.

Soberwolf

Congrats on day 2 Tambdy

Pastcaring

I'm in my early days and have just read your post. I'd be really interested to know how you're coping especially as I'm struggling so much. Did you overcome those cravings or are you still in the stage of trying in the hope of succeeding?