Sleepbetteray

Hi SR. I've been a lurker here off and on for a year or so.

I'm finally ready to commit to not drinking. I've created an environment in my home where my wife no longer trusts me and resents me. I've told her for two years that I was quitting with no real intention. I thought it was her being overly dramatic, but the truth is, I'll decide to not drink and then make an excuse to do so. Obviously, that is a problem. And since I can't drink at home, and I don't want to spend money at a bar. I essentially sit in my car a few blocks from my house and pound beers. Sad, I know.

I would drink 5 or 6 days a week. Typically, I'd stop on the way home from work and pound 4 16oz beers. Go in and cook dinner for my kids, hang out with them. Then after an hour or so, I'd make an excuse to go out to the garage so I could pound another one. Then an hour after that, I'd need to take out the trash or water the yard, etc.. and pound another. Then I might make an excuse to go to the store so I could get 2 more 24 ozs and pound those within 15 minutes.

Every once in a while my wife would ask if I'd been drinking...I'd always lie and say no. She obviously knows I'm full of it

Anyway, I'm at a point where if I don't stop I'm going to have to get a divorce. I have a 14 month old and a 4 year old. I don't want to put them through that.

I'm scared of change I guess. I'm scared to go to AA. To ask for help, to find a sponsor. Scared to admit I'm powerless. Everything in my life I've tried at, I've been successful, except quitting drinking.

Sorry to ramble, but thought I'd share. Feed back is welcome and encouraged. Thanks for reading.

Cheers,

Ray

graywh1teblue

Glad you have begun posting! I am in the quitting process also.. I encourage you to continue finding support here. Sometimes just reading the forum helps the edge off my cravings... Good luck to you. Remember today CAN be day one if you allow it

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

It's always scary to think about stopping drinking and moving forward, but you will be able to do it. You might check out this link which explains different methods to achieve sobriety:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

ScottFromWI

Welcome to SR Sleepbetteray. You will find a lot of support here, and those who understand exactly where you are coming from.

Regarding your statement above, getting sober is a scary proposition to your addiction. It wants nothing more that to keep you drinking at all costs. Think for a second how utterly irrational your thought pattern is - you are more scared to ask for help than to lose your marriage and children? Yeah- that's crazy talk, right? But it's par for the course for addiction....alcoholism doesn't care what you lose as long as you keep pouring those beers down your throat.

The good news is you have the power to stop things in their tracks right now, today if you want. Will it be scary? A little. But once you find out how friendly and supportive the recovery community is ( whether you do AA or not ), you'll find out that it was all for naught. Make today the day you kick alcohol to the curb and work on getting better.

SDH73

Hi, Sleepbetteray! Nice to meet you.

gettingsmarter

Welcome Sleepbetteray

Sleepbetteray

Thanks all. More to come I'm sure. I have so much to be sober for and this community seems great. hopefully, I can add to it.

Cheers,

Ray

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Ray!!

LostLilly

I could be writing your post myself. You are not alone! Have let down family, especially husband and kids, in addition to just about everyone, and need to change but feel so sad right now. Reading through the posts on this site has helped. Others have been in this position and have transformed the way they live it seems from what I have read so it's possible. Welcome!

Coldfusion

Remember that anxiety is a symptom of alcohol withdrawal. Once you get some sober time, your fears will subside.

Seattle has fantastic AA meetings from what I hear!

doggonecarl

It is okay to be scared. Sobriety is a big change. But it's not okay to let that fear keep us from recovery.

Maybe you really haven't tried. Talking about quitting is rarely successful. Put down the drink, fully commit to sobriety, and create a plan to support that decision and maybe you will be successful.

Elizabeth333

For years and years my husband asked me to just stop drinking and for years and years I would try to just stop. I found out that I couldn't just stop. I needed to reach out for help and follow suggestions. Finally it is working and I am really present. My husband is enraged that I sought help because he found it easy to give up booze and drugs. If not an alcoholic, you can't understand the why's. So now I just take each day as it comes. My children are very happy and that is a gift. Maybe in time he will accept my ways of staying on the sobriety path. I don't worry about that anymore.

On The Road

Welcome, Ray

I was in the same boat as you 6 months ago. I had pints of vodka stashed all over the place and would sneak shots all day long - until my wife found a bottle in the basement. Totally humiliating to get caught. Made a plan and have been sober ever since. I feel great. And the best part is that I'm actively involved with my wife and kids - and will never drink again. You can do it, too. Decide to stop and make your own plan for sobriety. Information you need to get and stay sober is on this site, so spend some time reading. Then get to it!

thomas11

Hi Sleepbetteray, I have a couple questions, have you tried quitting before (how long did it last if you did), how long have you been in your current routine?

Sleepbetteray

Hi Thomas11. I really haven't tried if I'm being honest with myself. But, I have been able to just not drink for a few weeks or a month here and there.

I've told my wife, I was really through "this time" but I didn't commit.

I've in this current routine for more or less a year.

ccam1973

Welcome to the posting side of SR Ray. Great support here.

Like other's have said, the notion of change is scary. At least it was for me after 21 or so years of heavy drinking. I didn't know any other pattern; or any other that I could remember. I had no idea how I would be able to function without booze.

I've got to tell you, quitting is the best thing I ever did. No more hiding, no more alternating liquor stores each day, no more planning my life around when my next drink will come, no more alienating myself because I am constantly drinking... You get the picture.

I promise, you won't regret this decision. Make a plan and stick to it. Everyone around you will benefit from your sobriety, especially you.

Welcome aboard!

firstymer

Welcome, Ray. I discovered SR nearly two years ago. I was an everyday drinker, 7-10 drinks, or more, every day. I haven't had a drink since the day I joined. I wish the same for you.

Good luck. Please post often and let us know how you are doing.

Sleepbetteray

thanks firstymer. Did you start with AA?

Coldfusion

For me, going to AA meetings was a big leap of faith. I am not a religious person, and am a recluse by nature (that's why I live on Orcas Island). It was an uncomfortable thing to do, but it was apparent that I needed help with my problem. Your wife would probably find Al Anon helpful too--don't underestimate the damage your alcoholism has wrought.

least

Welcome to the family! I got sober over five years ago and don't regret a minute of it. I hope the support here can help you get sober for good.