bradley26

Four months. Four months. The longest ive ever done in 11 years.
It was all going great until i got drunk to pass a 6 hour wait for my lift from work. 7 weeks on and ive become a mess again.

I was eating right and exercising and feeling great, now i havnt worked out for six weeks , ive been drunk all the time and put on all the weight that i had lost. I feel like im losing the plot again and what makes it worse is that ive realised that this **** is for life and im gonna have to deal with this alcohol until the day i die.

Ive kinda excepted that relapses are gonna happen during my life and that basically alcohol is gonna **** me over, if i wasnt so drunk right now i would cry. On the positive my depression has gone but everytime i get drunk those feelings come back again which makes it even more annoying that im doing this to myself.

I really really really hate alcohol and i dont wanna die from this ****.
I went to aa a few years ago and i thought it wasnt for me but ive decided im gonna go on tuesday coz i need to talk to some people or ill go insane.

Anyway, thanks again, i just had to get that out.

Marcher13

bradley coming back to SR is a good choice. You've been sober before so you know what the tools are, pick them up and do it again.

What we expect/anticipate very often becomes our reality. How can you change this expectation? Do you need more support in your recovery?

Hevyn

Bradley, you came back & that's what counts. You can regain what you had before - and this time you'll be even more determined. There's no reason to assume you'll continue to relapse - forgive yourself and get started again. We know you can do this. Going to a meeting is a great idea. Please let us know how it goes.

2WheelsGood

You were way ahead of me, so this may not be appropriate. I'll give it a shot anyway:

You know how to make it to four months. That IMO was great ! You did great until then.

What say you try for six or more this time? You're back. You know ya screwed up. You're on the right track.

Anna

Bradley, I'm glad you're back and I hope that you can get past this.

We're here for you.

least

I'm sorry you're drinking again.

Venecia

Glad to hear you're going to a meeting, Bradley.

Perhaps a call to the Samaritans would be helpful, too.

Samaritans | Samaritans

CaseyW

Glad you're back here on SR and planning on that AA meeting, bradley. Please stay close. You can do this!

Saskia

Welcome back, Bradley! You can do this. AA sounds like an excellent idea.

Angie247

Welcome back and I'm glad to hear that you're going to a meeting. Staying close to SR has worked wonderfully for me too.

ScottFromWI

Set higher expectations for yourself Bradley. You had 4 months sober, there's no reason you can't have 4 years or even 4 decades. It's simply a choice....and you made a bad one to be certain when you picked up again. But you can stop right now If you choose. I think a meeting would be a great idea....maybe go tonight instead of waiting until Tuesday? Or maybe in the morning ?

least

I've noticed that most of your threads are when you relapse. You rarely post before you drink. Maybe next time you feel like drinking, post here instead.

Hevyn

Bradley - been thinking of you & wondering how it's going. Talk to us.

ccam1973

Bradley. A lot of good advice here. One key item is to post before you take a drink. Post when you are feeling like drinking. Give us a chance to help you out before you go down that dark road...

That being said, you can get your life back. Remember back to those 4 months, how good you felt, the weight you lost, all the power you felt by staying sober. None of that is lost for good. You can do this, life if full of cycles and you are in a negative one right now.

You have the power in you to help yourself. Take advantage of the 4 months you spent sober. Use that as ammunition to fight your AV and get back to where you deserve to be. You know you won't regret the decision to not drink.

We are here to help.

Dee74

I'm glad you're thinking about doing things differently this time Bradley.
Do follow through with that AA meeting - let us know how you get on

D

bradley26

Hi everyone, thank u again for all ur advice and support it really does help. I went to aa tonight and it was better than i remembered the people were very nice and just getting out the house and talking to people made me feel alot better.

Some of u have said i should post more often and i think ur right, i seem to only come on here after ive relapsed for some reason so im gonna really try to post more often especially before i drink so u can knock some sense into me.

The last 7 weeks have been horrible but like u guys said it dosnt mean my 4months sober was for nothing so im just gonna get back on the wagon so to speak. You know i just find it absolutely crazy how i keep going back to drink time after time even tho its literally been ruining my life for the past 10 years and brings nothing but pain. I mean once u put your hand in the fire and get burnt u realise how much it hurts and you dont ever do it again, but with alcohol its just so confusing how after all the pain it gives me i keep repeating the same mistakes.

Anyway thanks again you guys, i feel better now than i did yesterday and i will try to use SR more frequently as i think i really need to to be honest, even if its just me giving little updates on how im doing, as i dont really think im in a position to give other people advice.

Dee74

why not join the 'Class of July' support thread and post daily, Bradley?

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-2015-a-9.html

FreeOwl

Welcome....

I'm sorry you are suffering.

The good news is you DONT have to deal with alcohol until the day you die. You can choose to be free of it like many of us have.

AA also wasn't for me... For many years.... Until things got worse and worse.... And AA was for me.

Hevyn

Relieved to hear from you. The suffering can end.

thomas11

You don't have to offer advice. Just offer support, it will make you feel good. Shows you're trying. I can't offer advice either, but I like doing a little cheerleading now and then.