Dealing with death in recovery.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 1,323
Dealing with death in recovery.
So i'm proud to say...I'm entering my 101st consecutive sober day.
And the sad part is...I'm totally 100% despondent and down today. I attended the funeral of one of the first friends i made in the rooms of AA yesterday.
He was the same age as me...Born in 1981. He was 6 months sober and doing very well when i first met and started talking to him in AA.
One could say i was drawn to him. I wanted what he had.
Sadly in the long run...It was not meant to be for him. He fell into the trap of addiction once more...And his body simply couldn't take another trip in the *Wringer*
I took the day off work today...Because well...I don't know. I feel quite numb to this whole thing to be honest.
Seeing his brother and grandmother and father...Etc...All yesterday really brought it right back to the FRONT of my mind.
I easily could have been him...I was lucky not to have killed myself the last few times i *attempted* to drink.
Today i have the answer...I think. It's quite simply acceptance.
Acceptance to MYSELF that i am not a normal drinker. If i drink alcohol i put myself and others in harms way. Whether i intend to or not...Is not my choice.
I have lost control of my drinking. And that's all there is to it. If i want to remain sane and whole in this world...I can't drink.
Lord know i fought against accepting it for a long time...Years...But i realize now...It's simply not worth it.
I'm sure my friend didn't have an immediate death wish...He didn't think picking up the drink/drug would kill him this time.
But it did. And we had to put him in the ground as a result of it yesterday.
Rest in Peace my friend Paul. We'll miss you.
And the sad part is...I'm totally 100% despondent and down today. I attended the funeral of one of the first friends i made in the rooms of AA yesterday.
He was the same age as me...Born in 1981. He was 6 months sober and doing very well when i first met and started talking to him in AA.
One could say i was drawn to him. I wanted what he had.
Sadly in the long run...It was not meant to be for him. He fell into the trap of addiction once more...And his body simply couldn't take another trip in the *Wringer*
I took the day off work today...Because well...I don't know. I feel quite numb to this whole thing to be honest.
Seeing his brother and grandmother and father...Etc...All yesterday really brought it right back to the FRONT of my mind.
I easily could have been him...I was lucky not to have killed myself the last few times i *attempted* to drink.
Today i have the answer...I think. It's quite simply acceptance.
Acceptance to MYSELF that i am not a normal drinker. If i drink alcohol i put myself and others in harms way. Whether i intend to or not...Is not my choice.
I have lost control of my drinking. And that's all there is to it. If i want to remain sane and whole in this world...I can't drink.
Lord know i fought against accepting it for a long time...Years...But i realize now...It's simply not worth it.
I'm sure my friend didn't have an immediate death wish...He didn't think picking up the drink/drug would kill him this time.
But it did. And we had to put him in the ground as a result of it yesterday.
Rest in Peace my friend Paul. We'll miss you.
11.30.14
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: California
Posts: 401
My son was an addict and alcoholic, who relapsed one last time last summer and passed away from an overdose of vicodin and oxycontin. He too was born in 1981. Way too young to die. 
My son's death sent me spiraling on a fast track to hell with a bottle. He wouldn't never wanted to see me in that condition. His death gave me the courage to quit alcohol, once and for all.
My son's death sent me spiraling on a fast track to hell with a bottle. He wouldn't never wanted to see me in that condition. His death gave me the courage to quit alcohol, once and for all.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
RIP paul (((Finding))) the short answer is its sucks when things like this happen
This happened to me in my first week or 2nd week it kept making me realise how real this is ive lost a lot ppl in recovery via alcoholism, suicide and cancer
1 had 25 years of sobriety & didnt even realise i was alcoholic
It hurts there is no question of that but today i live for them if that makes sense
Shows how cruel alcoholism can be i send condolences to you & Paul's family
Congrats on 101 days of sobriety Finding stick close to SR ((()))
This happened to me in my first week or 2nd week it kept making me realise how real this is ive lost a lot ppl in recovery via alcoholism, suicide and cancer
1 had 25 years of sobriety & didnt even realise i was alcoholic
It hurts there is no question of that but today i live for them if that makes sense
Shows how cruel alcoholism can be i send condolences to you & Paul's family
Congrats on 101 days of sobriety Finding stick close to SR ((()))
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