Evening! Here is my story.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 54
Evening! Here is my story.
It's been a good 13 years on the booze now. And what a ride. What started off as being the habitually-hip-teen-pastime has culminated in nothing but trouble in my later years.
Throughout this time (and with the drink obviously escalating) I haven't done badly. I've landed myself with good qualifications, a close relationship with the family, a decent circle of drinky and not-so-drinky pals, an awesome girlfriend, then a month ago what I considered my dream job. Everything looked rosy, heck, it was rosy, until I lost the job and the girlfriend.
Just over a year ago my brother was killed in a brutal accident and I had to watch him die. I still get flashbacks. They still make me anxious. I'm still grieving. This makes me drink more.
So on this one particular night, processing the grief was proving particularly difficult. I needed to escape from my own destructive cycle of thoughts. So of course I went out and got blasted into tomorrow. Quite literally.
I turned up to work and the editor knew what I'd been up to so let me go. The scary thing is, is that I was shocked by this. Because I'd gotten away with this kind of behaviour for longer than I can remember, justifying it more recently through my brother's death, I was genuinely miffed that I'd been binned.
The girlfriend didn't stick around after that but that's okay. She doesn't need my ********. And she wasn't aware that I drank around five litres of beer every night because I was living a lie with her.
That said, what have I learned? Yes I've had it hard but the amount I drink is not okay. It's not some blemish on my personality than can be plastered over or treated with a brush of topical treatment. It's a serious affliction that will destroy my life and send tremors into the lives of those who care for me.
Time to start the journey.
Throughout this time (and with the drink obviously escalating) I haven't done badly. I've landed myself with good qualifications, a close relationship with the family, a decent circle of drinky and not-so-drinky pals, an awesome girlfriend, then a month ago what I considered my dream job. Everything looked rosy, heck, it was rosy, until I lost the job and the girlfriend.
Just over a year ago my brother was killed in a brutal accident and I had to watch him die. I still get flashbacks. They still make me anxious. I'm still grieving. This makes me drink more.
So on this one particular night, processing the grief was proving particularly difficult. I needed to escape from my own destructive cycle of thoughts. So of course I went out and got blasted into tomorrow. Quite literally.
I turned up to work and the editor knew what I'd been up to so let me go. The scary thing is, is that I was shocked by this. Because I'd gotten away with this kind of behaviour for longer than I can remember, justifying it more recently through my brother's death, I was genuinely miffed that I'd been binned.
The girlfriend didn't stick around after that but that's okay. She doesn't need my ********. And she wasn't aware that I drank around five litres of beer every night because I was living a lie with her.
That said, what have I learned? Yes I've had it hard but the amount I drink is not okay. It's not some blemish on my personality than can be plastered over or treated with a brush of topical treatment. It's a serious affliction that will destroy my life and send tremors into the lives of those who care for me.
Time to start the journey.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome MrQuit. Things can definitely take a turn for the worse in a hurry when it comes to drinking. Congratulations on making the decision to stop before it gets worse. You will find a lot of support and understanding here.
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,576
Hi MrQuit. You are among friends who care. The encouragement here is amazing. I'm so glad you're realizing at a young age what needs to happen. I kept trying to control my drinking until I was much older - and my world fell apart.
I'm sorry too for the losses you've suffered. Here's where things can turn around. We're with you.
I'm sorry too for the losses you've suffered. Here's where things can turn around. We're with you.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 518
Welcome mr.quit.. Thats quite the story, shame on.many fronts what has happened to you but kudos for penning it so eloquently aswell as understanding and identifying your problem.
The problem can be fixed and your life will get 100% better, sober. It will take time but if you spend your knuckle moments here youll find it much eaaier to cope. Even with the grieving of ur brother, there are many members who can and will give u sound advice.
The problem can be fixed and your life will get 100% better, sober. It will take time but if you spend your knuckle moments here youll find it much eaaier to cope. Even with the grieving of ur brother, there are many members who can and will give u sound advice.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
Welcome to SR!
The trauma of your brother passing is a painful memory. Sobriety will give you a chance to process it. I watched my mom in 07 as she took her last breath. I drowned deeper in my Addiction as a result. I have no doubt your brother is looking out for you, and that he is proud of your courage to face life head on and sober.
The trauma of your brother passing is a painful memory. Sobriety will give you a chance to process it. I watched my mom in 07 as she took her last breath. I drowned deeper in my Addiction as a result. I have no doubt your brother is looking out for you, and that he is proud of your courage to face life head on and sober.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 54
Wow, thank you for the warm reception and the kind words on my loss. I was expecting to log-in today to find the thread redundant and in the ether. Thank you again.
I've been reading the pages for a few days as I've been tapering off the beer from 15 cans daily a fortnight ago to 2 cans last night. Today will be my first 'dry' day.
Being new to the board I'm unaware of procedures and etiquette so would be grateful for any pointers if I'm not doing things correctly. Also any advice on your own struggle against alcohol will also be hugely appreciated. I know I'm not alone.
So to kick-start; I'm a 31 year old male, about twelve and a half stone, currently battling co-morbid anxiety, depression and a suspected case of ADD (the drink and grief must be unravelled before any further proceedings).
Recent events meant I had to move, gratefully, from a large city back home to my parent's in a rural setting. Drinking has always been a way of life in my family and alcohol is widely available in their house. Triggers abound.
Mum is an 'enabler'. Typically I wouldn't put either of us in this situation and move out quick-time, but I am reliant on them for now.
As troubling as this situation could be for us both I think the circumstance can be flipped. If I get clean and back on track it may inspire her to follow suit with the right support and in turn lessen her grief. Not least because she is likely grieving my spectacular fall from grace as well as my brother's death.
A massive thank you for reading SR and have a great day. Now for day 1.
I've been reading the pages for a few days as I've been tapering off the beer from 15 cans daily a fortnight ago to 2 cans last night. Today will be my first 'dry' day.
Being new to the board I'm unaware of procedures and etiquette so would be grateful for any pointers if I'm not doing things correctly. Also any advice on your own struggle against alcohol will also be hugely appreciated. I know I'm not alone.
So to kick-start; I'm a 31 year old male, about twelve and a half stone, currently battling co-morbid anxiety, depression and a suspected case of ADD (the drink and grief must be unravelled before any further proceedings).
Recent events meant I had to move, gratefully, from a large city back home to my parent's in a rural setting. Drinking has always been a way of life in my family and alcohol is widely available in their house. Triggers abound.
Mum is an 'enabler'. Typically I wouldn't put either of us in this situation and move out quick-time, but I am reliant on them for now.
As troubling as this situation could be for us both I think the circumstance can be flipped. If I get clean and back on track it may inspire her to follow suit with the right support and in turn lessen her grief. Not least because she is likely grieving my spectacular fall from grace as well as my brother's death.
A massive thank you for reading SR and have a great day. Now for day 1.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 54
Thanks HeartsAfire. The more reading I've done on here the more I've agreed with your post. That's got to be good.
Second day today.
Apologies if this seems like spamming but I'm documenting this journey in one place for a few reasons.
Writing makes me feel more obliged to keep my head out the sand while forcing the problem of my alcoholism into the 'real' world. One where it exists tangibly and can't be blurred or distorted by imagination.
Yesterday for instance, around 9pm of day 1, I thought, 'that was easier than expected, I'm not an alcoholic really, I just like drinking a bit too much.'
This is what I'm calling a 'crafty-craving'. You probably have another term for it but they're triggers dressed innocently and they are dangerous. I hadn't noticed them before because I was pissed, so I'm going to use this thread to document them and remember them. If anyone would like to add any please do.
Another reason for writing here is that I think a side effect of heavy drinking has made my memory less sharp. I'm hoping this will lift in time, but for now I know being able to look back at old posts will remind me why I'm doing this - it's not just for me but for those around me.
Lastly, and do take this with a sprinkling of salt with me being new and all, perhaps one day someone somewhere may glean some inspiration or a bit of hope from this when I make it. Who knows.
Thanks for reading and have a great day.
Second day today.
Apologies if this seems like spamming but I'm documenting this journey in one place for a few reasons.
Writing makes me feel more obliged to keep my head out the sand while forcing the problem of my alcoholism into the 'real' world. One where it exists tangibly and can't be blurred or distorted by imagination.
Yesterday for instance, around 9pm of day 1, I thought, 'that was easier than expected, I'm not an alcoholic really, I just like drinking a bit too much.'
This is what I'm calling a 'crafty-craving'. You probably have another term for it but they're triggers dressed innocently and they are dangerous. I hadn't noticed them before because I was pissed, so I'm going to use this thread to document them and remember them. If anyone would like to add any please do.
Another reason for writing here is that I think a side effect of heavy drinking has made my memory less sharp. I'm hoping this will lift in time, but for now I know being able to look back at old posts will remind me why I'm doing this - it's not just for me but for those around me.
Lastly, and do take this with a sprinkling of salt with me being new and all, perhaps one day someone somewhere may glean some inspiration or a bit of hope from this when I make it. Who knows.
Thanks for reading and have a great day.
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