Evening! Here is my story.
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 54
Thanks SW. Hope all is well at your end too.
Day 16 is done, phew. I'm going to write because the urges are frantic when they come. They're here now. But I know this feeling. This feeling passes.
On the plus side then I'm delighted to report that even though the waves are just as powerful as before they are less sparse. My midday trigger has cleared off, I don't fiend for beers when working (I'd always drink to aid the process), but my focus is still completely shot. That said, I can find ways to compensate as I'm sober and more logical.
Another noticeable step is that I can walk past an off license without torturing myself with the 'will I, won't I' nonsense (this could go on for hours in the past). Paradoxically though, I have been to a few bars during these sober days and have been okay. I'm assuming this is because I'm with very close friends who know I'm not to drink under any circumstances. This will be accountability working its magic.
Even though accountability is my most trusted tool sobriety is incredibly draining. I'm getting rampant headaches, constant fatigued (need to sleep after six or seven hours of awake time) and rapid changes in body temp.
Boredom is a killer too. I'd often pass the time with drink, drugs, music and sex but that's not happening any more. With the money I save over the next few weeks I'm going to pay for piano lessons. I've always wanted to pick that up.
Onwards.
Day 16 is done, phew. I'm going to write because the urges are frantic when they come. They're here now. But I know this feeling. This feeling passes.
On the plus side then I'm delighted to report that even though the waves are just as powerful as before they are less sparse. My midday trigger has cleared off, I don't fiend for beers when working (I'd always drink to aid the process), but my focus is still completely shot. That said, I can find ways to compensate as I'm sober and more logical.
Another noticeable step is that I can walk past an off license without torturing myself with the 'will I, won't I' nonsense (this could go on for hours in the past). Paradoxically though, I have been to a few bars during these sober days and have been okay. I'm assuming this is because I'm with very close friends who know I'm not to drink under any circumstances. This will be accountability working its magic.
Even though accountability is my most trusted tool sobriety is incredibly draining. I'm getting rampant headaches, constant fatigued (need to sleep after six or seven hours of awake time) and rapid changes in body temp.
Boredom is a killer too. I'd often pass the time with drink, drugs, music and sex but that's not happening any more. With the money I save over the next few weeks I'm going to pay for piano lessons. I've always wanted to pick that up.
Onwards.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
MrQuit,
the focus thing, or loss thereof, can go on for some time. it takes the brain a while.
i like the piano lesson thing; instead of whining about boredom, you're doing something new.
my longest-sober buddy (15 years) added one new thing to try every month in the first couple of years of his sobriety, and ended up finding a bunch of things he really enjoys and now has money for: skiing, theatre, marathon running, writing....he's built himself a full and satisfying life.
keep going.
the focus thing, or loss thereof, can go on for some time. it takes the brain a while.
i like the piano lesson thing; instead of whining about boredom, you're doing something new.
my longest-sober buddy (15 years) added one new thing to try every month in the first couple of years of his sobriety, and ended up finding a bunch of things he really enjoys and now has money for: skiing, theatre, marathon running, writing....he's built himself a full and satisfying life.
keep going.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 54
Cheers Fini. I'm sure given all of the other improvements I've seen I've got every faith that concentration/focus will improve.
I'm looking forward to picking the piano up and this is exciting for a couple of reasons. Firstly I've always wanted to learn, and secondly I'm excited about looking forward to something that isn't drink for the first time in my adult life.
Slept very poorly, not sure if that's to do with the sobriety or grief but no matter. As worn out as I am I don't feel half as bad as if I were skulking about with a twelve pack.
Your mate's idea is awesome. I'll think carefully about that when I'm more awake and thoughts are less jangled.
I'm looking forward to picking the piano up and this is exciting for a couple of reasons. Firstly I've always wanted to learn, and secondly I'm excited about looking forward to something that isn't drink for the first time in my adult life.
Slept very poorly, not sure if that's to do with the sobriety or grief but no matter. As worn out as I am I don't feel half as bad as if I were skulking about with a twelve pack.
Your mate's idea is awesome. I'll think carefully about that when I'm more awake and thoughts are less jangled.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 54
I'm looking forward to getting started SB.
Still sober on day 18. After years of trying to moderate this is the first time I've attempted teetotal. I'm pleased with my effort so far.
The sobriety plan, being such a foreign concept, needs constant realigning to keep me away from the rocks.
To progress my career I needed the company who fired me to authenticate the work I did while with them. They were avoiding doing this, but sobriety gave me the courage to go down there, explain my situation to them honestly and entirely. They've decided to sign off the work.
On the subject of honesty, my ex got in touch for the first time since our break two months ago. She wanted a catch up and to meet so she could give me some t-shirts. Maybe she wants to give things another shot. Maybe not. Either way, I explained to her the extent of my secret drinking while we were together so she doesn't draw up any romanticised images of me. She was shocked, I doubt she'll be in touch again. Shame. I liked her.
Anyway, I've also entered myself into two exams I was putting off to give my qualifications more muscle and have started intensive driving lessons to make me more employable. I've also had a couple of publications interested in my CV. Hurrah.
Other tweaks; I'll get a sponsor to prevent myself from slipping, piano as mentioned and fitness so far. Also, I've found myself turning to women more and more for a distraction, which is unhealthy, so I've been honest with these girls about my situation and drinking so I won't be hearing from them again either. Shame. I liked them too.
Boredom gets me, but still, even though I'm no genius of economics I can already feel the value sobriety has to offer. Now for the weekend.
Still sober on day 18. After years of trying to moderate this is the first time I've attempted teetotal. I'm pleased with my effort so far.
The sobriety plan, being such a foreign concept, needs constant realigning to keep me away from the rocks.
To progress my career I needed the company who fired me to authenticate the work I did while with them. They were avoiding doing this, but sobriety gave me the courage to go down there, explain my situation to them honestly and entirely. They've decided to sign off the work.
On the subject of honesty, my ex got in touch for the first time since our break two months ago. She wanted a catch up and to meet so she could give me some t-shirts. Maybe she wants to give things another shot. Maybe not. Either way, I explained to her the extent of my secret drinking while we were together so she doesn't draw up any romanticised images of me. She was shocked, I doubt she'll be in touch again. Shame. I liked her.
Anyway, I've also entered myself into two exams I was putting off to give my qualifications more muscle and have started intensive driving lessons to make me more employable. I've also had a couple of publications interested in my CV. Hurrah.
Other tweaks; I'll get a sponsor to prevent myself from slipping, piano as mentioned and fitness so far. Also, I've found myself turning to women more and more for a distraction, which is unhealthy, so I've been honest with these girls about my situation and drinking so I won't be hearing from them again either. Shame. I liked them too.
Boredom gets me, but still, even though I'm no genius of economics I can already feel the value sobriety has to offer. Now for the weekend.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 54
Originally Posted by saoutchik 
Morning MrQ,
Congratulations on day 13 - I know it is tough for you
It's great feeling physically a lot better isn't it.
Keep on being strong. Now that you feel better that insidious voice begins to say "see, nothing to worry about, you can have one..."
That was the point when I came closest to relapsing
Congratulations on day 13 - I know it is tough for you
It's great feeling physically a lot better isn't it.
Keep on being strong. Now that you feel better that insidious voice begins to say "see, nothing to worry about, you can have one..."
That was the point when I came closest to relapsing
I've sat down and thought hard about this. I'm going to have to relocate. This is a priority in my sobriety plan now.
Interview in London on Friday for the perfect role with a company I've been gunning for for years. I'm very hopeful but won't be too disheartened if it doesn't come through. It's just nice to have been short-listed, and besides, it's no coincidence this crack in the clouds came during my longest sober spell.
That's fantastic in itself right? And regardless of the outcome I'm thankful to SR, AA, friends, family and myself for that. There is simply no way I would have been offered that interview while drunk.
That said then, why Lord, oh why do I still feel the need to drink? It's not that I even want to taste alcohol, I don't care for the taste any more, but I do want to be smashed into next week to 'get it out my system.'
I am HOOKED.
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 54
I drank. Straight after AA I grabbed twelve, sat in the abandoned hospital opposite my house, then drained them one by one out of sight from anyone who could judge.
I'm writing this because after 23 days sober I was doubting if I'm an addict. I'll read this back over tomorrow so I know for sure I'm an addict.
I'm writing this because after 23 days sober I was doubting if I'm an addict. I'll read this back over tomorrow so I know for sure I'm an addict.
Catch and Release
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Crazy Canuck
Posts: 441
Sorry to read you're drinking Mr. Quit - we had the same number of sober days. What sparked it?
Please go home. Don't pick up anymore booze. Drink water, go to bed. Start over tomorrow. You have a job interview on Friday and that's something to look forward to.
Please go home. Don't pick up anymore booze. Drink water, go to bed. Start over tomorrow. You have a job interview on Friday and that's something to look forward to.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 54
Cheers pal. No spark, it was a slow burn; 1) being an addict 2) the flashbacks of watching my brother die are on the offensive 3) when people at AA talk about drink it makes me want drink 4) everywhere I turn it's there, home or out 5) living in a rural setting with little to do makes me want to fast forward things to the better bits.
Denial also. Every sober day that crawls forward makes me more removed from the problem. Platitudes basically.
Denial also. Every sober day that crawls forward makes me more removed from the problem. Platitudes basically.
Catch and Release
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Crazy Canuck
Posts: 441
I am truly sorry about your brother. We had a tragedy in my family several years ago, so I know your pain. I used to live in a rural area too, and found the boredom to be very conducive to drinking. I've never been to an AA meeting - just not my thing and feel there is enough support (for me) on these forums. Maybe it would be a good idea for you to move and get away.
I did. It's not all been roses but I can see a rays of hope now and promises of a much better life. I hope you can see your way out too.
I did. It's not all been roses but I can see a rays of hope now and promises of a much better life. I hope you can see your way out too.
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 54
Day one again. Those 23 days sober drudged up painful memories, I felt so, so empty, and needed to get away from my thoughts. It's no excuse, but it is what it is. My brother would have been 27 tomorrow and maybe this is why I drank. That on top of the inane old-boy ramblings I had to listen to at AA just made me think 'xxxx it.'
I can't relate to anyone there. The small town mentally actually makes me angry.
I can't relate to anyone there. The small town mentally actually makes me angry.
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Lenexa, KS
Posts: 18
You can do this. I'm on day two of tapering and Day 1 will surely look a little scary. One thing that I am going to do, once sober, is seek therapy. I need to figure out why I drink. I lost my brother to suicide when he was 27. But I don't think that's why I drink. Maybe therapy would benefit you somehow? Help you learn how to process the grief? I genuinely hope you continue to document here as it helps so many people to see your story and know they're not alone. You're story is helping me. So thank you
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