Soberintexas007

Well, the two beer limit is officially long gone, as my AH now drinks on average 6 beers at 8% alcohol content on his off days. I am no longer trying to control his drinking, and so it has reached this point. I have nothing to look forward to anymore, since most people look forward to their two days off with their spouses. Me, I look forward to his work week when he is sober. Plus, when he is drinking, I feel like a babysitter and chauffer. He gets so obnoxious, and when he tries to pick fights when drinking, I just ignore him (as I learned on here not to engage with a drunk). But still, it takes a toll to just sit there and ignore someone who you want to yell and defend yourself. It just sucks. I am getting so tired of all of this. He was so much saner and more normal to be around when he did not drink during his Hepatitis C treatment. Now he just eagerly waits to drink on his off days, and he tells me that he is happiest when he is drinking. But he does not understand that no one wants to be around him when he is doing this. I am the only one putting up with this.

I just needed to vent. It just sucks that my husband's drinking is escalating. He is an alcoholic, and I am choosing to live with it.

It's ironic because when I first met my husband, I was so worried about losing him to someone else that I was very protective of him. Now I don't care anymore if he talks with other women (although he rarely does, I will give him that), but I wouldn't care if he did because I know that most women could not be around him more than 30 minutes when he is drinking.

Stung

I'm so sorry that you find yourself with an active alcoholic husband. It really is a pretty awful position to be in.

Most people have interests outside of their spouses, especially outside of managing their spouses alcoholism. I have a husband and kids and honestly, I would like to spend an entire weekend away just doing something that is just for me. What a luxury! What do you like to do? Do you have some friends that you can reconnect with? Can you spend some time visiting with your sister or parents?

In al-anon we learn to focus on ourselves, which is an abstract idea for most people who are married to alcoholics. So…lets focus on you and what you can do for you and what you want. (My sponsor always stops me when I reply with "I want my husband to…")

Soberintexas007

I would like to go to more AA meetings on the days off, as I really do enjoy them. I also have two good AA friends that I enjoy spending time with. Hanging out with my parents and sister and my nieces and their dog is also fun.

Soberintexas007

My husband came home from work tonight obviously sober since it was a work day, and he was able to be present and there for me when I raised a concern to him about something that was going in my life (unrelated to him). When I raised this concern yesterday with him when he was drinking, he was unable to be present and his response to me only increased my worry and fear about this situation. It is amazing how much more present and normal he is when he is just not drinking. He is a totally different person. And although he says that he is happiest when drinking, he ironically is way out of control and sort of insane during this so-called "happy" state.

MissBeth

I know that you knew deep down, even if you didn't want to acknowledge it, that any boundaries you set would always be broken by your husband.

I went through the exact same thing with my ex partner. He said he was committed to not drinking but didn't get any help. If alcoholics refuse to get help it's basically because they aren't really ready to stop drinking. It was only a matter of time before my partner's drinking on the weekends became drinking during the evenings on work days. I had boundaries for him too, only drink on non working days, only a 6 pack and so on. He broke through them all and made me feel like the jerk for putting the boundaries there in the first place.

I really do know what you are feeling like right now. I have been there.

As you are choosing to stay, I can only offer you a hug and wish you strength, hope and peace.

kudzujean

JB, I wish you all the best.

Stay safe.

jarp

I'm sorry I almost spat my drink out when I read this.

Why???

Because I used to think EXACTLY the same thing, word for word about my RAH.

Of course, until it came out that he'd cheated on me!!!! There will ALWAYS be women who can stand to be around your AH.

After all...you do.

dandylion

Justbreathe....do you suppose that fear of abandonment and fear of lonliness could be a major issue with you?

dandylion

redatlanta

I am sorry his drinking has escalated. Take care of yourself.

CodeJob

At least you seem to know you have the choice to depart JB. Some people feel stuck when they get to SR. Some people seem trapped.

I hope your schooling and your sobriety are going well.

LexieCat

It has reached this point in SPITE of your trying to control his drinking. Let's be honest. You did your darndest. For a while, it looked to you like it was working. I was able to "control" my drinking for a few months when I had an important work project. Once my reason for doing that was done, the boomerang effect kicked in and it was off to the races.

The disease will win in the end, no matter what else is going on. For an alcoholic, trying to control one's drinking is like trying to swim under water. Sooner or later you've gotta come up for AIR, and when you do, it's gonna be big gulps of it and harder to put your head back under the water again.

I'm glad YOU are still sober. And I hope, now that his drinking is escalating, that you keep your safety plan in place.

ladyscribbler

You can still do all that stuff. It sounds a lot more fulfilling than sitting in front of the TV counting someone else's drinks. You guys aren't joined at the hip. He is choosing to spend his free time drinking, you can choose to spend your free time doing something you enjoy.

zoso77

So what's the benefit of this choice?

Sungrl

I'm sorry JB. I know we threw you tons of tough love, and I admire you for sticking around. Believe me when I say nobody wanted to see this happen.
Unfortunately for those of us who have been around the block we just knew it would.

You seem prepared and sane. Please continue to take care of yourself and remember you signed on as a partner not a babysitter. You can choose not to live like this if u want. Remember it will progress and I don't want you living with anxiety and fear.

Duckygirl1

I'm so sorry you are living with this. He could not keep his boundry, but by not engaging, you have shown that you can keep yours. I pray you get stronger each day and that one day you don't have to live with this, either because your H commits to sobriety or you save yourself and move on.(((hugs))))

Refiner

So you weren't controlling his drinking afterall? It was his choice to not drink because of going through Hep C treatment?

SeriousKarma

I read this paragraph a few time. I wanted to make sure I got it right. I understand it to say that, because of his drinking, you don't believe any woman would find him attractive, and therefore him talking to other women isn't a threat to your relationship.

But it made me wonder. Do you want him to leave you?

SparkleKitty

I know how lonely it can be to spend time with someone who chooses to disconnect from the present moment in booze and/or weed. I'm sorry, JB.

I just hope you know that you deserve a partner who is present and responsible, if that is what you really want out of a relationship. It took me awhile to believe that I deserved it, and eventually I had to stop settling for less than I wanted, even if that meant being on my own for an indefinite period of time.

Soberintexas007

If my AH starts drinking during the work week again, I am hoping that I would leave b/c I will otherwise go insane. I just cannot take dealing with him drinking 7 days each week.

Soberintexas007

I think so. I also think I am not ready to cope with all of the craziness and insanity of a divorce at this time. It is a lot to go through.