Acheleus

I am five months sober. My gf is actively drinking and has been acting distant. We are in a long term relationship. She told me she went on a date with a guy but they are friends. I don't want to get drunk ever again and I feel scared. I'm thinking I need to end the relationship and just focus on my sobriety and being successful in school. Any advice from people with experience, strength and hope? If I feel used and unwanted it will lead me to drink and I want to grow in my sobriety so I can find a healthy partner one day and have a stable life. My gf is an alcoholic and I don't think she really cares about me. Thank you. I hope everyone on this site is doing well.

ScottFromWI

You protect it by taking care of yourself first. There were a lot of good suggestions about this in your similar thread yesterday, but probably the most important one is that you dont have any way to control or stop her drinking. If the relationship has to end to protect your sobriety, then that's what you'll need to do, but it's a decision you will need to make.

Jen73

Hello Acheleus, have u talk to her how you feel? You still can focus on your sobriety and school. The best thing to is take care of you. No one else will!! My husband dont drink so its really easy for me not to drink at home. I had to choose a real hard thing, I had to say good bye to friends that drink, cause I wasn't strong enough to say No.. I have realized that if I have alcohol around me, I wouldn't be here today.

sometimes hard choices pays off in a good way!!

SereneEdition

It sounds like you know what what is best for you.

May I ask what is keeping you from making the decision?

Dee74

Not sure if this is the girl you met in AA or not, but some loves are not forever Ach - if you feel the relationship is dangerpus for your recovery, then you have some serious thinking to do.

Some times it works, but generally nothing can drag an alcoholic down like another alcoholic Ach.

Creekryder

Sending positive thoughts to you for strength to make the best decisions for you.

Girlluvs2party

This says a lot. Sounds like the person you'd like to be with someday is stable and enjoys a healthy sober life with you. Your current gf is not that person. Move on. It's not going to be easy as you will miss her as with any breakup. You obviously have some inner strength as you are here and working on your sober journey!

The two of you need to talk about this. Hope it goes as smooth as an uncomfortable conversation can possibly go

Alwyshope12

What's more important to you, your sobreity and sanity or your girlfriend, who is going out with other dudes?

Simple choice to me

Acheleus

It's over. I'm finally going to feel free to discover who I am. I one day will deserve someone who truly cares about my well being. This is hard but I know in my heart I am saving my own life. Thank you everyone for the objective advice. My judgment has been cloudy and I hope it gets better. Now that I am five months sober I can spend the rest of my first year caring about myself and my future. Sometimes we have to be selfish to protect our sobriety. Being alone is scary for me but I know facing the fear will only make me stronger. I am out of this sick relationship once and for all and I feel sad but also tremendous work to do. I have school and my career to focus on. I have a great sponsor and a decent chance at being a productive member of the human race. Being alone is better than being with someone who does not care about me.

matilda123

Acheleus, it sounds like you followed your heart. Good for you.
Sending you hugs and support. xo

Notimetoloose

Acheleus...it is hard emotional work and a big adjustment ending a relationship but it is even harder staying in a destructive one.
You are in my thoughts, stay strong with your sobriety as you make the adjustments towards your new direction.

LBrain

It's good you are able to realize what's important in your life right now Acheleus.

Focus on yourself. And 'ending' this is a wise move. She was already out scouting.
My ex-wife had a 'just friend' while we were married. She married this ...

Well done of 5 months - quite an achievement.

Marcher13

Acheleus over the last 23 months the one thing that has worked for me unfailingly is putting my sobriety first. If I do that first my next decision is usually a good one and, at worst, an okay one.

goose333

Acheleus,
It seems to me you already know what to do. You can't change her. It's fantastic that you recognize your priorities. If I were in you position, I know I would fail at sobriety very soon. Don't let that happen. Sobriety is the most important thing for you right now. You have a great attitude. Make good use of it.

PurpleKnight

Hey Ach, don't compromise on your Sobriety for anyone or anything!!

Your Sobriety is the most important thing in your life to protect at all costs!!

Domichou

After 31 days sober, without AA meetings or medication but a lot of support reading on this site, I drank again yesterday and this morning I am upset about this relapse ... I was feeling great (good sleep, no more sinus pressure, calmer...) What should I do now? It seems that I broke a chain... How long does it take to see things getting easier? Thanks for all your help

tomsteve

Keeping sober is the most important thing in my life. The most important decision I ever made was my decision to give up drinking. I am convinced that my whole life depends on not taking that first drink. Nothing in the world is as important to me as my own sobriety. Everything I have, my whole life, depends on that one thing. Can I afford ever to forget this, even for one minute?

Notmyrealname

I think it is more important to stay sober than to keep a girlfriend. There are lots of girls in the world but you only get one life. Plus being someone with long-term substance abuse issues in my past I don't think I'd hitch my wagon to someone else with those issues in the present, although I suppose there'd be some irony or karma or something in that outcome (me having to deal with some of the crap I've put other people through in the past)

I think you are on the right track, I have been reading your posts for a long time and you sound like your head is on a lot straighter nowadays. Happy for you in that regard.

Anna

Acheleus, this shows how far you've come in your recovery these past five months. You recognized that your girlfriend was not good for you and you loved yourself enough to make the best choice for you and your future.

Carlotta

I know it was a difficult choice and that it hurts but as an alcoholic I can tell you that you made the right decision to put your sobriety first and as a friend and family member, I can tell you that you just saved yourself years of heartbreak and anxiety.
It is good to see how serious you are about your recovery.

(((hugs)))

Just be aware that she might try calling you, emailing you etc. a lot to drag you back into her web of insanity (remember what they say about alcoholics not having relationships but taking hostages).
I would suggest that you go no contact and block her number especially since reading your other thread, I see that you had broken up before and she reeled you back in.
Stick to your guns