An addict of all sorts
StayingAdrift
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Inez, Ky
Posts: 16
An addict of all sorts
Hi, my name is Carla and I am an addict..... If I'm not actively addicted to one thing, I'm addicted to another. I'm currently battling opiate addiction and sex addiction. I have been sober 1.5 days from everything..... I want to stop... Why do I always find something to get obsessed/addicted to. From movies to sex, to couponing..... Seems like it always gets out of control.... I have been to rehab twice... Been clean almost 4 years out of the ten of being an addict... I know all the rules and the damage it causes but I keep going back... I am married with four children and I have about destroyed their lives. I want to stop for good.... Sometimes I feel they are better off without me... My children and my husband as well....
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,582
Welcome Carla,
I felt that way too, at the end of my drinking days. I'm sorry you're feeling so badly right now. Maybe you could spend some time just 'being' instead of jumping from one thing to another. Have you ever tried meditation? It could be really helpful for you to connect with your spiritual self. You don't need things from the outside to fill you.
I felt that way too, at the end of my drinking days. I'm sorry you're feeling so badly right now. Maybe you could spend some time just 'being' instead of jumping from one thing to another. Have you ever tried meditation? It could be really helpful for you to connect with your spiritual self. You don't need things from the outside to fill you.
StayingAdrift
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Inez, Ky
Posts: 16
Thanks for the welcoming words... It is reasurring.
Anna, I believe in God whole heartedly. Jesus has been there when no one has. He is how I did stay clean from everything for a year and half. I relapsed worse than ever this past Sept. After all the things I know God has done for me in the past...things supernatural even, I don't know why I hold back and return to the chains.
Really don't want to get into what a terrible childhood I had, because most of us are in this room... In SR because of something bad from our past. I have dealt with it, forgiven those who hurt me...but the question that haunts me is how can I forgive myself of the horrid things I have done because of my past. I look at myself and I am disgusted. I know I am seen by God as his child.... Righteous in Jesus. And I do understand that dwelling on the shame, regret and condemnation will only make it worse. My husband don't understand.... He asks me, how can you love me if your going out doing these terrible things that u know will hurt me. I don't have an answer... But I do love him and seeing him hurt is the most awful thing to watch....
Anna, I believe in God whole heartedly. Jesus has been there when no one has. He is how I did stay clean from everything for a year and half. I relapsed worse than ever this past Sept. After all the things I know God has done for me in the past...things supernatural even, I don't know why I hold back and return to the chains.
Really don't want to get into what a terrible childhood I had, because most of us are in this room... In SR because of something bad from our past. I have dealt with it, forgiven those who hurt me...but the question that haunts me is how can I forgive myself of the horrid things I have done because of my past. I look at myself and I am disgusted. I know I am seen by God as his child.... Righteous in Jesus. And I do understand that dwelling on the shame, regret and condemnation will only make it worse. My husband don't understand.... He asks me, how can you love me if your going out doing these terrible things that u know will hurt me. I don't have an answer... But I do love him and seeing him hurt is the most awful thing to watch....
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 79
Hello, Carla. I agree w Anna, you should look into some inner spirit healing and calming. I too always want/wanted to add something in from the outside to make me feel better. But really I need to start inside and work out. Especially if you had a difficult past, I would try and deal with the feelings that fuel the addictions. It is so hard to just sit w the pain and shame. But you have to start somewhere. I don't have a lot of money for books, so I spend a lot of time at the library in the self help section. And don't waste time feeling bad about relapsing, you've just got to get that next one sober day.
I'm glad you joined us. Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,358
Welcome, Carla. If your best friend told you that they were feeling hatred and self loathing towards themselves, what would you tell them? I'm willing to bet that you would show them love and compassion. Be your own gentle and best friend, my dear.
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