Thanks for the welcoming words... It is reasurring.
Anna, I believe in God whole heartedly. Jesus has been there when no one has. He is how I did stay clean from everything for a year and half. I relapsed worse than ever this past Sept. After all the things I know God has done for me in the past...things supernatural even, I don't know why I hold back and return to the chains.
Really don't want to get into what a terrible childhood I had, because most of us are in this room... In SR because of something bad from our past. I have dealt with it, forgiven those who hurt me...but the question that haunts me is how can I forgive myself of the horrid things I have done because of my past. I look at myself and I am disgusted. I know I am seen by God as his child.... Righteous in Jesus. And I do understand that dwelling on the shame, regret and condemnation will only make it worse. My husband don't understand.... He asks me, how can you love me if your going out doing these terrible things that u know will hurt me. I don't have an answer... But I do love him and seeing him hurt is the most awful thing to watch....