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Old 01-31-2015, 04:26 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Unhappy

An addict of all sorts


Hi, my name is Carla and I am an addict..... If I'm not actively addicted to one thing, I'm addicted to another. I'm currently battling opiate addiction and sex addiction. I have been sober 1.5 days from everything..... I want to stop... Why do I always find something to get obsessed/addicted to. From movies to sex, to couponing..... Seems like it always gets out of control.... I have been to rehab twice... Been clean almost 4 years out of the ten of being an addict... I know all the rules and the damage it causes but I keep going back... I am married with four children and I have about destroyed their lives. I want to stop for good.... Sometimes I feel they are better off without me... My children and my husband as well....
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Old 01-31-2015, 04:29 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Welcome Carla,

I felt that way too, at the end of my drinking days. I'm sorry you're feeling so badly right now. Maybe you could spend some time just 'being' instead of jumping from one thing to another. Have you ever tried meditation? It could be really helpful for you to connect with your spiritual self. You don't need things from the outside to fill you.
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Old 01-31-2015, 04:39 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR, Carla.
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Old 01-31-2015, 04:42 PM   #4 (permalink)
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It's great to have you join us, Carla. You'll find plenty of understanding and help here.
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You are so much more than the worst thing you've ever done. Fr. Greg Boyle

A little voice deep inside me said, "Hello, I am here." It was a small voice, & sounded as if it were buried underneath the cushions of my couch. It was my soul...I had forgotten it.

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Old 01-31-2015, 04:42 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Hi and welcome Carla

SR really helped me turn my life around - I know we can help you too - I'm glad you dfound us

Have you tried anything apart in the past from rehab?

D
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Old 01-31-2015, 04:44 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Welcome!

This first post could easily be the best move you ever made. Glad you found us.
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Old 01-31-2015, 04:49 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Welcome Carla its nice to meet you
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Old 01-31-2015, 05:06 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Carla, your post brought tears to my eyes.
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Old 01-31-2015, 05:08 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Welcome to the Forum Carla!!
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Old 01-31-2015, 05:10 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Hi Carla, welcome to sr.
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What day is it today?”asked Pooh.
“It’s today.” squeaked Piglet.
“My favourite day.” said Pooh
. ❤️
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Old 01-31-2015, 05:17 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Thanks for the welcoming words... It is reasurring.
Anna, I believe in God whole heartedly. Jesus has been there when no one has. He is how I did stay clean from everything for a year and half. I relapsed worse than ever this past Sept. After all the things I know God has done for me in the past...things supernatural even, I don't know why I hold back and return to the chains.
Really don't want to get into what a terrible childhood I had, because most of us are in this room... In SR because of something bad from our past. I have dealt with it, forgiven those who hurt me...but the question that haunts me is how can I forgive myself of the horrid things I have done because of my past. I look at myself and I am disgusted. I know I am seen by God as his child.... Righteous in Jesus. And I do understand that dwelling on the shame, regret and condemnation will only make it worse. My husband don't understand.... He asks me, how can you love me if your going out doing these terrible things that u know will hurt me. I don't have an answer... But I do love him and seeing him hurt is the most awful thing to watch....
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Old 01-31-2015, 05:20 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Welcome Carla. Never give up, while it seems futile there is hope for all of us. Lots of people here understand and there is always support here.
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Old 01-31-2015, 05:20 PM   #13 (permalink)
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This is the first online addiction forum I have tried. I want help.... I need it.... I hope it works...
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Old 01-31-2015, 05:58 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Welcome Carla
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Old 01-31-2015, 06:08 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Hello, Carla. I agree w Anna, you should look into some inner spirit healing and calming. I too always want/wanted to add something in from the outside to make me feel better. But really I need to start inside and work out. Especially if you had a difficult past, I would try and deal with the feelings that fuel the addictions. It is so hard to just sit w the pain and shame. But you have to start somewhere. I don't have a lot of money for books, so I spend a lot of time at the library in the self help section. And don't waste time feeling bad about relapsing, you've just got to get that next one sober day.
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Old 01-31-2015, 06:12 PM   #16 (permalink)
bona fido dog-lover
 
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Welcome to the family, Carla! I'm glad you joined us.
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Don't wait for the Last Judgement. It takes place every day. -Albert Camus

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Old 01-31-2015, 06:47 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Welcome, Carla!
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Old 01-31-2015, 07:31 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Welcome, Carla. If your best friend told you that they were feeling hatred and self loathing towards themselves, what would you tell them? I'm willing to bet that you would show them love and compassion. Be your own gentle and best friend, my dear.
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Old 01-31-2015, 11:38 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR carla1979!
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Spiral out. Keep going, going..." Lateralus


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