I Dont Use Drugs - But I Am An Addict
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Bend,Oregon
Posts: 6
I Dont Use Drugs - But I Am An Addict
After reading a few hundred posts on this forum I see myself in so many here. While I used a lot of drugs and alcohol in my youth I have not touched either one on over 40 years....But I have an addiction. I sometimes wish it were drugs as there is so much more understanding.
Here is my story – I grew up very poor and ran away at the age of 15 due to a series of violent, alcoholic step fathers. In my 20’s I worked for a powerful man who showed me how to get free stuff from other companies – it was all legitimate. Famous people get bling all the time, journalists get free products to review and they get to keep them. The company I worked for was one other companies wanted to be seen with so they sent us free stuff....a simple phone call and UPS filled my office.
I was introduced to the under ground commerce of free stuff – PR agencies have rooms of stuff they have to give away so they look like they are exposing the brands.
Problem is I no longer work for this company and I am not famous – but I know how to get free stuff with the right lies....sometimes really big ones. The other problem is my nervous system is shot from having an anxiety disorder since my childhood and I think, like other addicts, my lies and denials are having a negative effect on my body and spirit. I feel like **** and my health is terrible.
I will say that in spite of my anxiety I have a fantastic relationship of over 30 years, my external ducks are all in row and while once very poor I have become 100% self made in other areas.
Another issue is that I grew up with so much pain, shame and disappointment that I have learned how to block any awareness of how this lying is affecting me. When I build a huge lie to scam something I almost believe that I am that person or company.
There is so much wisdom on this forum and so many brave soul fighting huge battles I would really appreciate your thoughts. I wish I could go to an AA meeting and stand up and say “I lie and scam” and the room would be full of people with the same challenges.
Thank you so much for reading and responding....
Here is my story – I grew up very poor and ran away at the age of 15 due to a series of violent, alcoholic step fathers. In my 20’s I worked for a powerful man who showed me how to get free stuff from other companies – it was all legitimate. Famous people get bling all the time, journalists get free products to review and they get to keep them. The company I worked for was one other companies wanted to be seen with so they sent us free stuff....a simple phone call and UPS filled my office.
I was introduced to the under ground commerce of free stuff – PR agencies have rooms of stuff they have to give away so they look like they are exposing the brands.
Problem is I no longer work for this company and I am not famous – but I know how to get free stuff with the right lies....sometimes really big ones. The other problem is my nervous system is shot from having an anxiety disorder since my childhood and I think, like other addicts, my lies and denials are having a negative effect on my body and spirit. I feel like **** and my health is terrible.
I will say that in spite of my anxiety I have a fantastic relationship of over 30 years, my external ducks are all in row and while once very poor I have become 100% self made in other areas.
Another issue is that I grew up with so much pain, shame and disappointment that I have learned how to block any awareness of how this lying is affecting me. When I build a huge lie to scam something I almost believe that I am that person or company.
There is so much wisdom on this forum and so many brave soul fighting huge battles I would really appreciate your thoughts. I wish I could go to an AA meeting and stand up and say “I lie and scam” and the room would be full of people with the same challenges.
Thank you so much for reading and responding....
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Welcome to the site.
Addiction is in part a spiritual malady - an obsession of the brain, and you have identified that in yourself. By indulging in your addiction you tickle that part of your brain that receives pleasure from the activity.
Maybe try the same tools we use. An addiction is an addiction and if it is impacting you (it sounds like it is) then finding a way out is important.
Just for today, don't do any of your addiction. One day at a time. Read recovery material. I think if you had alcohol problems in the past you would be welcome at AA.
Addiction is in part a spiritual malady - an obsession of the brain, and you have identified that in yourself. By indulging in your addiction you tickle that part of your brain that receives pleasure from the activity.
Maybe try the same tools we use. An addiction is an addiction and if it is impacting you (it sounds like it is) then finding a way out is important.
Just for today, don't do any of your addiction. One day at a time. Read recovery material. I think if you had alcohol problems in the past you would be welcome at AA.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 2,459
Lying and scamming are not addictions. You choose to do these things and you can also choose not to. Get a good therapist (not one who wants to learn your devious craft) and be HONEST. If you lie and scam in therapy, you will get nowhere.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Bend,Oregon
Posts: 6
Artfriend I don't think you understands the physiology of addiction - anything that hits the dopamine receptors can become an addiction.
I could say that an alcoholic can chose not to buy a drink or bend there elbow
I could say that an alcoholic can chose not to buy a drink or bend there elbow
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 2,459
Originally Posted by NativeDancer 
Artfriend I don't think you understands the physiology of addiction - anything that hits the dopamine receptors can become an addiction.
I could say that an alcoholic can chose not to buy a drink or bend there elbow
I could say that an alcoholic can chose not to buy a drink or bend there elbow
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
I see this problem as a compulsion, and alcoholics are compulsive drinkers.
It's a lot like being a shopaholic, a workaholic, a hoarder. The behavior sets off a chain of thoughts and emotions that are pleasurable - for lots of reasons - control, superiority(ego), distraction and reward. It becomes a game, like gambling (also addictive). The thrill of the hunt in this case becomes the reward. The lying is just a byproduct of addiction, just like alcoholics lie about their drinking, gamblers and shoppers lie about their spending, etc.
Obsessive/compulsive people have behaviors that they have learned will give them relief from themselves.
I have dabbled in a lot of these (and more) addictions. They are all the same, based in attempting to control my emotions by an outside behavior.
It's a lot like being a shopaholic, a workaholic, a hoarder. The behavior sets off a chain of thoughts and emotions that are pleasurable - for lots of reasons - control, superiority(ego), distraction and reward. It becomes a game, like gambling (also addictive). The thrill of the hunt in this case becomes the reward. The lying is just a byproduct of addiction, just like alcoholics lie about their drinking, gamblers and shoppers lie about their spending, etc.
Obsessive/compulsive people have behaviors that they have learned will give them relief from themselves.
I have dabbled in a lot of these (and more) addictions. They are all the same, based in attempting to control my emotions by an outside behavior.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Bend,Oregon
Posts: 6
Artfriend - again you seem limited in knowledge of these things. Compulsive lyers find comfort in their delusions. They also lie for no reason other than to just tell a lie.
Lying is not a documented psychiatric disorder
Lying is not a documented psychiatric disorder
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
NativeDancer, have you tried meditation? You can google some methods. It really helped me to gain insight into how my brain randomly accesses stuff, and how to let most of it go.
Give it a try. Doing "nothing" turns out to really be something.
Give it a try. Doing "nothing" turns out to really be something.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Hi native dancer - let me reassure you you are very welcome here 
I have heard of this before - we had another member several years back with a similar problem.
do you have a good counsellor or therapist?
D
I have heard of this before - we had another member several years back with a similar problem.
do you have a good counsellor or therapist?
D
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