brynn

He's already starting in on me.

I'm starting my second day of sobriety and feeling fragile and certainly vulnerable.

My partner is an alcoholic as well, although he would never admit to such a thing. I told him yesterday I was trying to quit, that I was sick of living the way I was and just plain sick of being sick all the time.

He's completely unsupportive, to the point he's calling me a hypocrite (really?) and thinks I'm judging him (this after one day sobriety)!!!
Saying things like he has no intention of quitting, so don't even go there (never said a word about him quitting).
Basically he's very defensive. He's giving me a hard time. He's drinking a Bloody Mary right now and keeps waving it under my nose.

When I decided to do this, I knew it would be hard and i knew not to expect much from him, but this is ridiculous!

For the recorded, I never asked him to quit, I never asked him to change, and I have no right to judge him or anyone else.

I want this to work. I want sobriety in my life.

I'm at a loss for what to do right now. I don't want to be derailed by his childishness. I don't know what I want from this post, maybe just to let y'all know I'm struggling and to get some support and advice.

paloverde

While I was drinking, I used to tell my wife I would "never quit drinking." If you live together, you may have to move out for a while. My wife did that. She was clear with me that she loves me and didn't want a divorce, but refused to live in the same house if I continued to act like I did. And would only see me when I was sober. It really gave me a lot of time to think, and find out what it's like to be a drunk no one wants to be around. Really opened my eyes.

paloverde

While I was drinking, I used to tell my wife I would "never quit drinking." If you live together, you may have to move out for a while. My wife did that. She was clear with me that she loves me and didn't want a divorce, but refused to live in the same house if I continued to act like I did. And would only see me when I was sober. It really gave me a lot of time to think, and find out what it's like to be a drunk no one wants to be around. Really opened my eyes.

paloverde

While I was drinking, I used to tell my wife I would "never quit drinking." If you live together, you may have to move out for a while. My wife did that. She was clear with me that she loves me and didn't want a divorce, but refused to live in the same house if I continued to act like I did. And would only see me when I was sober. It really gave me a lot of time to think, and find out what it's like to be a drunk no one wants to be around. Really opened my eyes.

paloverde

Have no idea how that posted 3 times. Sorry!

Carlotta

Do you have any friends or family member with whom you could stay for a few days at least?
Hang in there Brynn, quitting and remaining sober while our loved ones are still drinking is difficult but it is doable.
I and many others on this board have done it.
In the interim, I would also suggest that you also reach out for f2f support in the physical world and go to an AA meeting or Women For Sobriety if they have them where you live.
You can do it and we are here for you.

eric1212

pack a bag and get outta there for awhile... go to family, friends, even a motel... alone is better than such a negative situation.

Soberwolf

Yes i agree with Paloverde,Carlotta and Eric see if you can stay with some family for a bit while you figure this out
an alcoholic enviorment like this while trying to get sober is very destructive

Waving a drink under your nose you need to leave that enviorment immediately

we are all here for you there is 24h support here you can drop any of us a pm anytime

brynn

I'm sitting here reading and re-reading your replies trying to decide what to do. Leaving seems kind of extreme but then again, being sober is kind of extreme and it's what I desperately want right now. I'm to the point where I feel like if I keep drinking I will die and that scares me. He's not going to like this at all! He's going to be livid and that scares me too.
This is what happens when you try and make a life with a man you met in a bar. We've never even known each other sober. Seriously messed up.

ReadyAtLast

Hi brynn,

I got sober 2 years ago even though my husband still drank. but he was supportive and didn't do it in front of me in the beginning. even though you haven't asked him to quit, just quitting is highlighting to him that he has his own problems.

you have to put you and your sobriety first. whether your relationship lasts your sobriety is a totally different issue. I would not want to be with someone who scared me, criticised me, mocked me and my attempts at sobriety and did all he could to de-rail it. you deserve so much better.

I understand about meeting in a bar and then what's left? I recently left my husband as have changed so much since I got sober. what will be will be-all you can do is put your sobriety first and i agree, moving out for a while would seem sensible and self preserving.

Mark1014

It may be that deep down he feels threatened. IMO your healthy progress is like holding up a mirror and he doesn't like what he sees in his own reflection, so he is being venomously defensive. You can't fix that. I agree with the others.

LexieCat

What he is doing is not only damaging to your efforts to attain sobriety, it is actually a form of abuse. Think about it. It's sort of like offering a loaded gun to someone who is depressed and encouraging them to end it all.

I would get the heck out, ASAP. It isn't like he is just quietly pursuing his own addiction (and even in that instance if you felt your recovery was threatened it would be okay to leave), but he is actively attempting to sabotage you.

If you have a safe place to go, I highly recommend going.

MariahGayle

Your not alone in this Brynn.

Thepatman

You are on the right path. The sobriety process needs to be about you.

Time to put yourself and your sobriety first. Whatever else is irrelevant. This is a fight for your life.

Jsbodhi

My boyfriend drinks in front of me, but he's a responsible drinker and can stop after a couple beers, I don't like beer so it doesn't bother me. It would be a different story if he was a wine drinker....
What your partner is doing is really childish and mean. I know it might seem dramatic and extreme, but I think you should leave too. At the very least it'll save your sobriety, and it'll send him a message that his behaviour is not ok.
You're doing great xoxo, take care of yourself, you deserve to be happy and healthy.

CAPTAINZING2000

Any relationship that's going to survive has to have two people committed to the same goals.

If your goal is to get and stay sober and his is to continue down the same destructive path, your relationship needs to end.

What future does it have?

brynn

I know y'all are right, I'm just not sure how to go about this. He has a bit of a temper and he's already started drinking today which just amplifies it.
So I don't know if I should go about this quietly, as in leave without telling him...after he's passed out or tomorrow while he's at work? Or be up front and tell him I'm leaving and why?
I don't want to hurt him.

Soberpotamus

Leaving while he's at work sounds like a good idea.

JanieJ

He wants you to fail.

You have enough going on at the moment without that kind of s**t.

Leave while he's not there.

I'm worried that you will get hurt hun xx

Conquest

Hi Brynn, Good work on day 2! I'm sorry to hear that he's not supporting you. And I understand your concern for him. Could you leave quietly and contact him later?
Whatever you decide, don't give in. And stay close to SR. Big hugs and best wishes