It's finally time to go see the doctor..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 22
It's finally time to go see the doctor..
Hello everyone. I was a member here several years ago and I'm back. I don't remember my old username and don't have the same email address so I can't tell you who I was. Then again, I don't remember who I was as a person either.
My situation has become a little.. scary. I drink about the same as I did back then (12-24 beers a night, 7 days a week), but I can feel changes in my brain now. I get dizzy while driving and on heights at work. I used to be an articulate speaker but now I stumble on the simplest words. My motivation to do even the simplest of tasks is next to nothing. Worst of all, I hate myself now. I've never EVER had such a low self image.
I'm going to make some phone calls tomorrow. I need to call my insurance provider for in-network doctors, and then set up an appointment to have a very real discussion that I'm absolutely dreading.
I've always figured that I can beat this on my own. "I don't need a doctor or groups; I can just stop." In 10 years, the longest that I've (voluntarily) gone without a drink is 41 days. It's been 3 years since then. It's time to get a professional involved.
Thanks for listening.
My situation has become a little.. scary. I drink about the same as I did back then (12-24 beers a night, 7 days a week), but I can feel changes in my brain now. I get dizzy while driving and on heights at work. I used to be an articulate speaker but now I stumble on the simplest words. My motivation to do even the simplest of tasks is next to nothing. Worst of all, I hate myself now. I've never EVER had such a low self image.
I'm going to make some phone calls tomorrow. I need to call my insurance provider for in-network doctors, and then set up an appointment to have a very real discussion that I'm absolutely dreading.
I've always figured that I can beat this on my own. "I don't need a doctor or groups; I can just stop." In 10 years, the longest that I've (voluntarily) gone without a drink is 41 days. It's been 3 years since then. It's time to get a professional involved.
Thanks for listening.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,516
Hi and Welcome back!
I think you are seeing that alcoholism is a progressive disease and you are feeling the effects. I'm glad that you are ready to do what you need to do to get sober.
I think you are seeing that alcoholism is a progressive disease and you are feeling the effects. I'm glad that you are ready to do what you need to do to get sober.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Welcome back!! 
I always thought I could stop too, until I actually tried to, and then discovered it was a whole other ball game!!
Great job on recognising the need for more help, SR is here too for plenty of support!!
You can do this!! Make this your turning point!!
I always thought I could stop too, until I actually tried to, and then discovered it was a whole other ball game!!
Great job on recognising the need for more help, SR is here too for plenty of support!!
You can do this!! Make this your turning point!!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
I'm glad you've decided to live a sober life. Believe me, it's so rewarding.
I wake up feeling good and don't have to plan my day around drinking and being sick. 
You'll find lots of support here. Why not join the Class of October here on the newcomers forum? Post with others who quit drinking or using this month. There's also the 24 hour recovery connections. It's an ongoing thread in the Daily Support forum. You just post there once a day to commit to another 24 hours sober.
I'm glad you joined us.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Took me many attempts. Tried white knuckling with help of Antabuse. Always drank again.
At 140 days now, have a much different approach and mental state. I was ready.....
Glad you are here again. There's no shame.
Good news - we never have to drink again.
Fly
At 140 days now, have a much different approach and mental state. I was ready.....
Glad you are here again. There's no shame.
Good news - we never have to drink again.
Fly
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 22
I've never asked a single living soul for help with this. I'm a little hard headed and very independent minded. I will be very surprised if I can manage to spit out the problem within the first five minutes of talking to a doctor or nurse about it.
I'm a very honest person as well. If I do manage to admit that I'm alcohol dependent, I have to say how much and for how long. I know they are supposed to be more-or-less judgement free, but I still hate the idea of telling another person about how sick I am.
Not to mention, I did this to myself. It's not like I have a real disease that can't be controlled. I did this stupid stuff to myself and not I don't have control anymore.
I'm a very honest person as well. If I do manage to admit that I'm alcohol dependent, I have to say how much and for how long. I know they are supposed to be more-or-less judgement free, but I still hate the idea of telling another person about how sick I am.
Not to mention, I did this to myself. It's not like I have a real disease that can't be controlled. I did this stupid stuff to myself and not I don't have control anymore.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
Whether or not alcoholism is a disease, it still is comparable to an allergy, as we react differently to alcohol than most people. We don't have an off switch. We will drink even knowing the bad consequences that can happen.
Whether or not it's a disease, it's definitely a sickness of the soul.
Whether or not it's a disease, it's definitely a sickness of the soul.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Pride kept me drunk for way too long. Bootstrap mentality - I too never would ask anyone for help. Now I find that was selfish of me and view my fellows and the world with a much different perspective. Don't wait another 15 years like I did.
Fly
Fly
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 22
That is true least. My bloodline is pretty saturated with alcoholics, so I think I have a natural tendency to have the same problem. My family also has a lot of diabetics which scares me a lot. My dad was an adult onset case because of his drinking and he still drinks.
Ugh..
Ugh..
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,636
Welcome back Machinist -
The shame of alcoholism is one of the mechanisms that makes it so hard to break the cycle, but it's a game changer. I believe that is why AA has it for its first step.
Just like you want to do a good job at your work, your doctor wants to do a good job helping you to get better. He's at a huge disadvantage if you hold back this info. Withdrawing from alcohol can be life threatening - not something to mess around with.
I know you can do this.
The shame of alcoholism is one of the mechanisms that makes it so hard to break the cycle, but it's a game changer. I believe that is why AA has it for its first step.
Just like you want to do a good job at your work, your doctor wants to do a good job helping you to get better. He's at a huge disadvantage if you hold back this info. Withdrawing from alcohol can be life threatening - not something to mess around with.
I know you can do this.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 22
Originally Posted by Flynbuy 
Pride kept me drunk for way too long. Bootstrap mentality - I too never would ask anyone for help. Now I find that was selfish of me and view my fellows and the world with a much different perspective. Don't wait another 15 years like I did.
Fly
Fly
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,869
Hello: those symptoms are no joke! I'm glad that you are realizing that you have to stop. That's the first important step. Visit this site, read a lot and take it a moment at a time. It is your life and you can make it what you want it to be. Like the PP said, don't wait until it is too late. It only gets worse. Welcome back!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 22
Originally Posted by SereneEdition
Welcome back Machinist -
The shame of alcoholism is one of the mechanisms that makes it so hard to break the cycle, but it's a game changer. I believe that is why AA has it for its first step.
Just like you want to do a good job at your work, your doctor wants to do a good job helping you to get better. He's at a huge disadvantage if you hold back this info. Withdrawing from alcohol can be life threatening - not something to mess around with.
I know you can do this.
The shame of alcoholism is one of the mechanisms that makes it so hard to break the cycle, but it's a game changer. I believe that is why AA has it for its first step.
Just like you want to do a good job at your work, your doctor wants to do a good job helping you to get better. He's at a huge disadvantage if you hold back this info. Withdrawing from alcohol can be life threatening - not something to mess around with.
I know you can do this.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 1,149
Beer was my beverage of choice too Machinist, more or less the same quantities as you.
10 days ago I was a helpless gibbering idiot, looking for a way out.
I quit cold turkey on my own after calling up 2 detox centers and finding I had to go on a waiting list to get a bed.
The nurse gave me 3 choices:
1. Quit at home on my own.
2. Go to emergency and detox in hospital.
3. Keep drinking and wait for a bed.
I detoxed at home. It was a nightmare I don't ever care to go through again.
But even after only 10 days sober now, the difference is night and day.
You've probably heard this a million times but it's true....If I can do it, so can you.
10 days ago I was a helpless gibbering idiot, looking for a way out.
I quit cold turkey on my own after calling up 2 detox centers and finding I had to go on a waiting list to get a bed.
The nurse gave me 3 choices:
1. Quit at home on my own.
2. Go to emergency and detox in hospital.
3. Keep drinking and wait for a bed.
I detoxed at home. It was a nightmare I don't ever care to go through again.
But even after only 10 days sober now, the difference is night and day.
You've probably heard this a million times but it's true....If I can do it, so can you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 22
Hooped, I hear ya, but I'm scared. I don't think I'm at the point where I need inpatient detox, but I'm a pretty scared of trying cold turkey again. I already have high blood pressure and my heart does funny stuff after a day or so of sobriety. Not to mention, the dizzy spells scare the **** out of me when in going 70 mph on the highway or when I'm 30 feet in the air at work.
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