Raider

When I joined this site a bit over a year ago, I met some people. Most of those people are not on this site today. It seems the ebb and flow of our addiction is evident in the ebb and flow of folks on this site. I wouldn't even try to guess how many went back out, how many got clean and moved on, and how many feel like me. How many people look at this site and say, I hardly know anyone anymore? And I don't want all my thoughts, and everything I do, be about drinking. So they may drift away just to give their brain a rest from the constant barrage of addiction. Am I alone?

Verte

Happy middle of the night Raider

I've been here just 6 months but I had to give a 'hello' and hug. Are you sitting in a comfy chair with a warm blanket petting the fuzz? That's what I imagine as I sit finishing up some paperwork.

Sometimes SR feels like a giant skyscraper in the city, complete with revolving glass doors and honking taxis in the background. People all around, moving with purpose and determination. Often trepidation.

But I imagine you now with the fuzz; sitting by a crackling fire. Always willing to tell a story. Asking first, "what's up with all you busy people?"

What's up, Pam? Got a story for us?

roguedreams

I remember, I did that in context of my eating disorder. Joined a forum back in 2003, and was a fairly active member until about - oh, 2010. The ebb and flow that you describe seeing here, I saw there as well. I left because I was in a place in my recovery where focusing on "not using symptoms" and "talking about feelings" and reading sad story after sad story was just not helping me any more. My interest in it naturally waned away, as I became more preoccupied with growing my garden, canning, and kids.

It wasn't like I planned to leave the forums; it just - happened naturally. A slow fade, if you will.

I went back in 2012 to check in, and rather out of curiosity, too, to see how or if things had changed. The user names had; the posts were much the same.

I think perhaps, to each his own. Some choose to focus on helping others here, as part of their long-term sobriety plan. Others find it more beneficial to them to have IRL support and community. Others again find turning their focus on the sober life they've built to be their best long term solution. Others too, just don't make it.

Whatever floats our boats, right?

Oh, and PS - this ebb and flow is all around us, addictions or not. Life happens... with its one constant: change.

Lenina

well, Raider, I've been here since '08 I think. I'd been sober a while but realized I needed some support. I've seen folks come and go. Like you, I've wondered what happened to them.

I'm pretty peaceful in sobreity. maybe because I made my commimttement. I've made peace with myself about it.

You make very good and thoughtful contributions here. I hope you'll stay. Addiction is hard to wrap ones mind around. To me, it never made any sense. I couldn't understand why I'd torture myself. it was truly miserable. And once I reached a point of misery, it never was pleasurable again. so, what was the point? Sober is better.

Hang in there, my friend. Someone will always be here for you. And you can be that someone for them too.

Love from Lenina

Dee74

I've been here a little longer than Lenina

People come and go here for many many reasons quite apart from relapse...some simply need SR for a while and then go back to 'ordinary life'.

I've seen many many success stories Pam...and I've seen many people come back a little further down the line under different names too.

Some people seem to 'get it right' quickly and others more slowly. It's just the way it goes.

There was 15 years or so between me admitting I had a problem and finally stopping.

I was very stubborn in persisting in wanting to drink...I was also absolutely terrified of sobriety.

The point is, I never gave up hope completely and I got there in the end

There's absolutely no reason why you can't do the same Pam

Maybe, like me, the problem isn't that you're thinking of drinking or not drinking all the time, but making the mistake of just leaving it at that thinking level?

I needed action too, Pam. Action changed everything.

what can you add to what you've been doing?

Julie59

As roguedreams said :-
this ebb and flow is all around us, addictions or not. Life happens... with its one constant: change.

At this point SR is the one thing that is getting me through one day at a time and not to drink. I'm not going to contemplate how long I will or will not continue with SR .... one day at a time is adding up and adding up .... so here I stay.

I do hope you are feeling happier soon Raider xx

MythOfSisyphus

I think it's the nature of internet and people in general. Almost certainly some start out with good intentions but give up and go back to drinking. Some probably just realize they don't need booze and don't have any more need of SR, and they get on with the rest of their lives. Some like our dear Keyweird have passed away- I think of her almost every day.

I'm one day short of two years on SR and of being sober. In that time innumerable folks have come and gone. Some I probably didn't interact with enough to notice. Others really puzzle me, and I hope they're okay (thinking of you, MyCoolFitz- bless you wherever you are).

By now I'm confident that I will never drink again and never change my mind. SR was a huge part of reaching this stage. I stick around to remind myself of how bad addiction was but more to try to help and encourage others in whatever small way I can. To give back.

Two years ago mine was that lonely voice, crying out into the darkness. SR was the voice that answered back. I owe it to those who were there for me to try to be there for the next person trying to get their life back.

b086

i hardly ever think about drinking any more. curiously, i don't focus on people's descriptions of their drinking, either...mostly i notice their descriptions of the nature of addiction. but i still come on SR, because recovery begins after the drinking stops, and if i am lucky, it will go on for a long time.

Foolsgold186

Hi Raider,

When I was first getting sober I felt I was never off this site, reading posts more so than taking time to sit down and respond. Guess I always felt I wasn't qualified to give a response. Its something I'm working on as I want to try and give a little back after all the help I was given so early on.

I always like reading your threads, your honesty shines through and I love that. So I guess there'a always someone thinking of another in recovery at some point. Your never alone.

Leigh x

EJ43

Hi Raider!!! I also notice that. There are some voices here I connect with because we are on the same timeline. Some i still see, some sporadically, some none at all. You are one of those voices and I love to see you here still!!!! I also
Always seem to get any new moms here, I can relate so well to their stories. I
Am just glad to still see your name, and Fuzz!

Tang

I enjoy your honest posts. You keep things real. I do understand that constantly thinking about not drinking and spending a lot of time on this site can feel like a grind. For me I think about the alternative.

Notmyrealname

I come here to read other people's posts and to leave my own. It helped me when I was getting sober and I think it probably helps me stay sober, and I hope it helps someone else get/stay sober to read my posts.

The players change a lot, that's for sure, but some people are constant. Let's say the population is dynamic. Nature of the beast though. As for "constant barrage of addiction" -- well, it is a recovery site, right? I come here for my daily dose of staying grounded and a reminder of where I was and where I'm going. Then I go do my job, play my guitar, move on with my day (which doesn't involve much thinking about drinking, to be honest).

aasharon90

As long as addiction is active in the world
then there will always be folks needing help
and support to get sober or clean.

For me, it is important to share my own
ESH - experiences, strengths and hopes
of what my life was and is like before, during
and after addiction.

Whether I share in face to face meetings
or here in Sober Recovery, I am just one
who has to be responsible to pass on my
knowledge of how I have remained sober
for 24 yrs. What got me here and what
program has been instrumental in my own
recovery.

Yes, people come and go and also return
letting me know that addiction is still just
as powerful as it was 24 yrs ago when I
first came into recovery. Addiction has been
affecting folks for yrs. upon yrs. and it doesn't
look like it gonna go away anytime soon.

So as long as it is still around, so will I
helping others and giving them hope that
addiction can be put to rest, not cured, but
put at bay by using some sort of recovery
program incorporated in every area of their
lives to help them reach healthy, happy, honest
lives to live for yrs to come.

I am just one, one small voice amongst many
others who are staying sober and clean a day
at a time. I remain here in SR because it works
for me. It is my own way of helping others
with addiction struggles and just every day
life situations.

Being here in SR is my job. My responsibility.
For me to not only remain sober, but to also
have some fun meeting new folks along the
way to say hello and ask hows your day going
and Im here if you need help or some useful
suggestions to make it thru another day without
drinking or using.

Support in recovery helping each other is
important so others never have to feel alone
in their own travels and journeys in life while
in recovery.

I'm always connected to SR reading and
helping whenever I can. Never hesitate
to reach out to say hello or ask for help
and guidance.

Fandy

I'm here since February 2010....it helps me to post daily and connect with people who understand me and do not judge me.

but I do not tell people IRL of my struggles either, I am trying so hard to be normal

joyousone

Well I'm still here for now.Don't always read every day but this site still helps me. I try to focus on all the things that will help me get sober rather than the drinking part. I am waking up on my 5th day today. I love reading your posts by the way!

DoubleDragons

Pam, I joined around the same time as you and I am still here. I went through times of being worried I was becoming as obsessed with SR as I was with the "drinking dilemma." Honestly, I don't plan on leaving SR any time soon because while it has helped me to quit drinking for a year and looking at my mother's problem with alcoholism in a different light, I still feel like I am just at the starting gate with true sobriety. I want serenity and I get such good advice here, it is helping me to find it. I have a whole notebook of excellent quotes from people here (I am sure some of yours are in it, Pam!) and some of the best books that I have ever read were recommended to me here at SR. I have used SR in different ways, depending on where I was in my sobriety. The best continuity has been my October 2013 thread. At least 6-7 of us were there in the beginning and we are still there now. I recommend making yourself at home in one of those threads and sticking with them, even if you falter. For me it is like Cheers (except it is on line and not a bar ) . . . a place where everyone knows my name.

Aellyce

Yeah the dynamic on SR is a lot like the 3D reality, in many ways, I think. Transience is just one. I am actually quite intrigued by this little world and society, and how it works... So I personally don't feel bored, frustrated, or in any way overwhelmed by SR and don't plan to leave anytime soon. I always find something new to focus on and I feel I can take my older connections and contributions to newer levels as well - so all very interesting to me. It also does not interfere with my 3D life in negative ways if I exercise some self-control and don't overdo it Surely it's sad to see people go, especially people we have developed a special connection with... but it's part of the game.

Pam, I feel that you are focusing on what's not here and worst case scenarios. I think I said this on another one of your threads before... probably better to not do this, because our focus can easily become a self-fulfilling prophecy! Yes, people come and go all the time. I think it's better not to speculate and assume why some left - like others said, there can be many reasons and most often we cannot know it. Why not focus on all the great success stories, interaction, and support?

We are all individuals and I believe we have freedom to choose if we want to be one of the success stories or something else, with recovery. Yes it is difficult, challenging, can be unpredictable... but we DO have the power to influence this one, I think, with the right action and mindset! And I think setting our focus the right way is very important in the process.

Anna

I have never, ever felt that way about SR and I've been here for years and years.

Recovery to me is about a way of living. It's about trying to stay in the moment, it's about a spiritual way of living, it's paying attention to physical health, and it's about getting through life's ups and downs and remaining balanced. I have found all those things every single time I come here.

As my beloved CarolD used to say "Members come, and members go. Bless them all on their journey".

soberclover

Love your thread titles!! Not that I'm saying this is you but I notice that often those who are getting ready to leave SR because they are in relapse mode (even if they don't recognize they are), often have a bash of negativity towards SR right before they leave. As classic alcoholics (and I am FOR SURE one), people often aren't real good with closure or saying goodbye. So a shot of negativity at SR is often their way of closure or goodbye.

Again, not saying this is you but this is the thought that your thread evoked for me.

Give Fuzz a pat for me

Raider

Thank you for the heartfelt responses. I do know, you never know where your light will shine and for who. And there are a handful of people here who have obviously devoted what spare time they have to helping others. Thank you for that. I will be lurking around. Who knows, maybe I'll find something to say.

Thanks. ZeFuzZ says thanks.

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