Argh! Child in meetings!
we're all mad here!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: a padded room with bars
Posts: 1,681
Argh! Child in meetings!
This is just a rant.
I haven't had a problem with kids in meetings until this past week. Until now, the kids have been well behaved, or the parents have taken them out of the room until they became well behaved.
Now a couple has been bringing in their 1 yr old son and let him run rampant over the meeting. Crawling everywhere and yelling. All through the meeting.
i actually have been thinking of cutting down on my meetings because of the kid's presence. I live in a small town.... there aren't different meetings to go to. Unfortunately, I'm not far enough in my recovery to do this safely.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhh!!!!
I haven't had a problem with kids in meetings until this past week. Until now, the kids have been well behaved, or the parents have taken them out of the room until they became well behaved.
Now a couple has been bringing in their 1 yr old son and let him run rampant over the meeting. Crawling everywhere and yelling. All through the meeting.
i actually have been thinking of cutting down on my meetings because of the kid's presence. I live in a small town.... there aren't different meetings to go to. Unfortunately, I'm not far enough in my recovery to do this safely.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhh!!!!
Gold Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: It's raining again!
Posts: 2,494
LOL Moot,you can't really stop a one year old1 but I agree meetings should be for adults or make meetings with child care. Kids do not need to be around what is being said in the rooms and the strong emotions too. You can politly go up to the couple and suggest they find a baby sitter on teh meeting nights. While you think the baby is so very cute, he so cute that he distacts from the perpose of the meetings and it's not healthy for baby to be around too much of an adult enviorment. You can be nice and direct about it. Live in the solutions (or offer to help set up child care for meetings) But also there are issues involving insurance when you bring a child to meeting. If a child gets hurt the building can be sued or AA can as well. You might want to point that out as well.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: The Mohave Desert
Posts: 2,306
Maybe helping to find some childcare for this couple during the meeting would be helpful...maybe someone (s) in the group would volunteer their time to a worthy cause...I have seen this be a problem before...
Good Luck
Good Luck
Choosing Life
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: London
Posts: 889
Oh yes, we get one big baby in our meetings. He makes inappropriate noises, laughs and giggles when he's not supposed to, always looking for cuddles and eats all the biscuits .....
....... hang on a minute - that's me.!!
....... hang on a minute - that's me.!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: out there...
Posts: 2,653
Was taking my daughter to meetings with me (she was between 3 and 4) and one day she started to act up. I took her into the foyer to explain that Dad really needed her to behave for another 1/hr. I was a little upset and embarrassed and a little to oheavy on her. An older gentlemen came by and told me not to worry about what anyone in that room inght think. This little girl needed a sober dad and if they had a problem they could call their sponsor.
Since then I have been at meetings and kids tearing up have distracted me. I've started to get angry. I remember what that old man told me and it helps me get the patience I need. In fact I've offered to take the kids outside once or twice and help occupy them.
Zoomer my daughter is nearly 18 and spent many hrs in and around meetings. She knows what addiction is and many of the subtle ways it manifests itself. She has learned that you cannot put all your faith on people as they are merely human and can let you down. She has a compassionate sense and sets good boundaries while being able to forgive people. She has learned that she has choices and consequences for her actions and inactions. I'm sure that she learned a great deal of her lessons from the fellowship.
I think that a childs attendance at meetings tempred with the right fedback and discussion can maybe help them learn what a lot of us addicts and codies have to learn the hard way. I am not suggesting that it can prevent them from starting down certain paths, only that maybe they might recognize some of the landmarks when they get there.
Since then I have been at meetings and kids tearing up have distracted me. I've started to get angry. I remember what that old man told me and it helps me get the patience I need. In fact I've offered to take the kids outside once or twice and help occupy them.
Zoomer my daughter is nearly 18 and spent many hrs in and around meetings. She knows what addiction is and many of the subtle ways it manifests itself. She has learned that you cannot put all your faith on people as they are merely human and can let you down. She has a compassionate sense and sets good boundaries while being able to forgive people. She has learned that she has choices and consequences for her actions and inactions. I'm sure that she learned a great deal of her lessons from the fellowship.
I think that a childs attendance at meetings tempred with the right fedback and discussion can maybe help them learn what a lot of us addicts and codies have to learn the hard way. I am not suggesting that it can prevent them from starting down certain paths, only that maybe they might recognize some of the landmarks when they get there.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
The best "kids included" meetings I was ever at, had a room off the main meeting room and different people would take about 10 minutes each to mind the kids. There were books and toys and a changing table, and the kids were happy.
I agree that it is important to get to a meeting, with the kids if a babysitter can't be found, but I also feel that many of the stories are not appropriate for their age, and also if there is a speaker then that time should be quiet so the newcomer can hear.
God bless the child!
Hugs
Ann
I agree that it is important to get to a meeting, with the kids if a babysitter can't be found, but I also feel that many of the stories are not appropriate for their age, and also if there is a speaker then that time should be quiet so the newcomer can hear.
God bless the child!
Hugs
Ann
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,709
Yep, funny thing that kids tend to act like kids sometimes yes?
If parents are not able to supervise their children in a meeting, then the parents need to be told. Simple really.
Both my kids do meetings with their dad.
My recovery is part of their lives, and they are more secure and happy for that.
But some of the things in the rooms are not appropriate.
When that happens, I simply take my children to the kitchen for some cookies until the sharing resumes.
If parents are not able to supervise their children in a meeting, then the parents need to be told. Simple really.
Both my kids do meetings with their dad.
My recovery is part of their lives, and they are more secure and happy for that.
But some of the things in the rooms are not appropriate.
When that happens, I simply take my children to the kitchen for some cookies until the sharing resumes.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Boston
Posts: 710
Originally Posted by MootPoint
This is just a rant.
I haven't had a problem with kids in meetings until this past week. Until now, the kids have been well behaved, or the parents have taken them out of the room until they became well behaved.
Now a couple has been bringing in their 1 yr old son and let him run rampant over the meeting. Crawling everywhere and yelling. All through the meeting.
i actually have been thinking of cutting down on my meetings because of the kid's presence. I live in a small town.... there aren't different meetings to go to. Unfortunately, I'm not far enough in my recovery to do this safely.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhh!!!!
I haven't had a problem with kids in meetings until this past week. Until now, the kids have been well behaved, or the parents have taken them out of the room until they became well behaved.
Now a couple has been bringing in their 1 yr old son and let him run rampant over the meeting. Crawling everywhere and yelling. All through the meeting.
i actually have been thinking of cutting down on my meetings because of the kid's presence. I live in a small town.... there aren't different meetings to go to. Unfortunately, I'm not far enough in my recovery to do this safely.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhh!!!!
I am not so sure that I would be sober today had anyone told me that my children were not welcome at the AA meeting. I had a sponsor who shared with me to come to the AA meeting, no matter what, and that AA meetings were about giving, as well as taking. I had an AA group that welcomed me with open arms, no matter what.
We have had those at an AA meeting who were swearing, physically violent, loud, interruptive, and obnoxious.....and they were the adults. LOL
Mooty, if this child allows you to cut down on your AA meetings because of this kids presence, then I would suggest that this is an opportunity to practice this simple program in your own life. Practicing patience and tolerance begins on the inside and extends to the outside.
Taking from an AA meeting is wonderful, giving at an AA meeting, helping another alcoholic to stay sober for one more day........ will help you to stay sober for this one day.
Instead of seeing this child as a negative disturbance in your life, why not see this child as a great opportunity to practice patience, tolerance, and giving.
I agree with Gooch's sponsor, if someone has a problem with children at an AA meeting, then by all means, call your sponsor
Page 97 in the Big Book:
Helping others is the foundation stone of your recovery. A
kindly act once in a while isn't enough. You have to
act the Good Samaritan every day, if need be. It may
mean the loss of many nights' sleep, great interference
with your pleasures, interruptions to your business. It
may mean sharing your money and your home, counseling
frantic wives and relatives, innumerable trips to
police courts, sanitariums, hospitals, jails and asylums.
Your telephone may jangle at any time of the day or
night. Your wife may sometimes say she is neglected.
A drunk may smash the furniture in your home, or burn
a mattress. You may have to fight with him if he is
violent. Sometimes you will have to call a doctor and
administer sedatives under his direction. Another time
you may have to send for the police or an ambulance.
Occasionally you will have to meet such conditions.
Yes, it may mean having to help another alcoholic to stay sober by accepting their children at an AA meeting.
Gold Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: It's raining again!
Posts: 2,494
(((((((((((((Gooch))))))))))))), when my daughter was younger I too use to take her to meetings with me. I was single and had no child care. but us moms got together and each took turns watching the kids outside and all the kids had a blast. We also started home meetings in which anyone was welcome to bring the kids and the kids all played together while we talked and bonded. Those where the most specail times in my life I tel you. But today I feel that while it is good to teach your children realities,it is also good to let them be kids and not hear soemthings until they are older. I have taken my older son to a meeting because he needed it. He did not take to it,but I planted the seed. My kids have a choice to weather or not they want to live the AA life style as well as I do. In my recovery there are somethings I do not like about the fellowship,so I look else where. I have a choice and so do my kids. Like with any fellow ship it's best to intraduse your child,but have him or her chose when they are old enough to do so. BTU, your daughter sounds like a dream!!!! I think she gets it from her Daddy! You rock!!! Again too a child or children at meetings is a group thing or an individule thing. I know when i was younger and needed a meeting, I'd pack up my girl and go. I was greatful to be able to have that choice,but I was also too young to understand that somethings are best left int eh ear shot of adults.
Gold Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: It's raining again!
Posts: 2,494
LOL too, when I go to a meeting it is I who trys to distract the kids so the moms or dads can relax and the other people can get the evil look off their face. I guess I can understand both sides,but feel for the child that has to "be good" for all that time. I always carry candy a great diversion
Member
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Boston
Posts: 710
My children saw me puking, staggering, falling down drunk. They saw me drive drunk. They saw me screaming, yelling, swearing, lying, sleeping in bed in the afternoon. They saw me coming home at 7 am, drunk and sick. My children saw me at my absolute worst when I was drinking and drugging.
I believe if they were allowed to see me drunk, sick and out of control with alcohol, then they can handle seeing me at an AA meeting, staying sober.
My children saw me do whatever I had to do to get a drink. They also saw me do whatever I had to do to stay sober for one more day.
My children today are 21 and 16 yrs old, they know about this disease, they know where this disease can take someone, right down into the gutter of hell.
They also know where recovery can take someone, right into the gates of freedom, love, understanding, patience and tolerance.
Yes, they saw me at my worst with drinking, and they saw what this simple program can do in not only my life, in their families life, but also in the lives of those at AA meetings
My children have grown up at AA meetings, and they have seen the change in myself, and they have watched other alcoholics growing one day at a time.
Yup, AA meetings not only showed this drunk the path to take, it showed my children the path to take........ one day at a time.
Children do not have to be good Zoomy, they can be children. I brought with me lots of coloring books, crayons, puzzles, and many many things that my children could occupy themselves with. Yes, there were times when they would be running around, and I would have to ask them to sit and play with the bag of goodies or take them outside for a bit. I had women at my AA meeting who would offer to help with the kids, I had women in my life who loved me and my children, they not only showed me how to stay sober for one more day, they showed me how to parent by example. I needed that kind of support, not only with staying sober, but in learning to parent, and these AA women were and are the most giving and loving women I have ever known....... bar none.
We are talking an hour and a half, and with the correct preparations from the parents, that hour and half goes by quickly for kids, and they have a sober parent. What a gift it is to have a sober parent at an AA meeting, being an example to their children of what AA can do. Miracles
I believe if they were allowed to see me drunk, sick and out of control with alcohol, then they can handle seeing me at an AA meeting, staying sober.
My children saw me do whatever I had to do to get a drink. They also saw me do whatever I had to do to stay sober for one more day.
My children today are 21 and 16 yrs old, they know about this disease, they know where this disease can take someone, right down into the gutter of hell.
They also know where recovery can take someone, right into the gates of freedom, love, understanding, patience and tolerance.
Yes, they saw me at my worst with drinking, and they saw what this simple program can do in not only my life, in their families life, but also in the lives of those at AA meetings
My children have grown up at AA meetings, and they have seen the change in myself, and they have watched other alcoholics growing one day at a time.
Yup, AA meetings not only showed this drunk the path to take, it showed my children the path to take........ one day at a time.
Children do not have to be good Zoomy, they can be children. I brought with me lots of coloring books, crayons, puzzles, and many many things that my children could occupy themselves with. Yes, there were times when they would be running around, and I would have to ask them to sit and play with the bag of goodies or take them outside for a bit. I had women at my AA meeting who would offer to help with the kids, I had women in my life who loved me and my children, they not only showed me how to stay sober for one more day, they showed me how to parent by example. I needed that kind of support, not only with staying sober, but in learning to parent, and these AA women were and are the most giving and loving women I have ever known....... bar none.
We are talking an hour and a half, and with the correct preparations from the parents, that hour and half goes by quickly for kids, and they have a sober parent. What a gift it is to have a sober parent at an AA meeting, being an example to their children of what AA can do. Miracles
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Join Date: Nov 2002
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((((((((((Patsy))))))))))))), ya I can understand! Our children are exsposed to things such as drunkness and it is beautiful whent hey can see how the program works. Again though it's up to the group or the individual. In our meetings the church who rents out the room complains about the children and points out about the cost of insurance. Kids are kids and they break things sometimes or get hurt. I guess that's what I'm pointing out too. Also it's not healthy for a kid to get evil looks from another adult because they are being kids. it's not healthy for a parent who is tryin gto stay sober tto add on that extra worry to have to entertain the kids while they are trying to save their butts. Again too just form my stand point, I beleive a choice in being in AA is an individual choice or life style or any program for that matter. If my kids ever have a problem which my two older boys are having at this point and time), they know where to go or at least have an idea,but again the rooms may not be what they want. Kids do feel singled out when they are living in an AA house hold. I know my kids feel that they have somthng els to hide or feel ashamed of. I try to keep things to myself now and not preach,but live by example. O God, lol, I'm not perfect and I hope something they do not learn from me,but I hope I give them the freedom of their own convictions.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Boston
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In our meetings the church who rents out the room complains about the children and points out about the cost of insurance. Kids are kids and they break things sometimes or get hurt. I guess that's what I'm pointing out too. Also it's not healthy for a kid to get evil looks from another adult because they are being kids. it's not healthy for a parent who is tryin gto stay sober tto add on that extra worry to have to entertain the kids while they are trying to save their butts. Again too just form my stand point, I beleive a choice in being in AA is an individual choice or life style or any program for that matter.
Whats not healthy for kids is to have a parent drunk and out of control. If a parent can not attend an AA meeting because the drunks at the meeting are more concerned with their children then with this drunks sobriety, then thats not an AA group any longer, its a gathering of people, who forgot where they come from.
A choice being in AA is an individual choice or lifestyle? I had no choices left when I got sober, I had lost the power to choose NOT to drink. The only choice that I had left was to keep coming, no matter what, no matter who, no matter when........ because I was going to die drunk.
I am so grateful that the AA group here, shared with me that all I needed was a desire to not drink. They never put any stipulations on when I could attend the AA meeting or with who. What they said to this drunk was WELCOME, we are so glad to have you.
Those words WELCOME, were a gift, unlike any other gift that I could have received from those wonderful people at the AA meeting. They didn't rationalize, they didn't analyze, they didn't have any rules...... they simply put their hand in mine and told me to keep coming, that it would get better one day at at time.
I wanted what they had, they were sober, patient, tolerant, and giving. They knew that to turn away any drunk, for any reason, was to perhaps pronounce their death sentence. Thank you God that these AA'ers knew what AA was about....... one alcoholic helping another alcoholic to stay sober for today.
Whenever anyone, anywhere reaches out for help, I want the hand of AA to always be there, for this, I am responsible.
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I'm with you for the most part Pats,but each group has their own thing. I guess I feel too that I'm responcible for the "attraction,not the promotion". LOL, I'm still learning each and every day about life and different views. You have a stong mind and a strong program. I admire you for it and always I admire a drunk who is sober today
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Location: Boston
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Originally Posted by zoomer
I'm with you for the most part Pats,but each group has their own thing. I guess I feel too that I'm responcible for the "attraction,not the promotion". LOL, I'm still learning each and every day about life and different views. You have a stong mind and a strong program. I admire you for it and always I admire a drunk who is sober today
Yup, attraction and not promotion. So I guess as long as we AA's WELCOME those through the doors of AA with a handshake and a smile, no matter what, no matter when, no matter who, the the doors will remain open for the newcomer. And I can't keep what I have, unless I give it away.
I guess thats why the 12 Traditions were written in order.
Tradition One:
"Our common welfare should come first, personal recovery depends upon A.A. unity.
Tradition Eleven:
"Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather then promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio and films."
Not sure what you think that Tradition Eleven has to do with children at an AA meeting, but I am quite sure that Tradition one does. If we are not united, then doors will not be there for the newcomer, and its the newcomer who reminds me daily of where I came from, how I got here, and what its like now.
Yes, each group has their own thing, lets hope that the thing is one alcoholic helping another alcoholic to achieve sobriety... no matter what.
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I'm too just pointing out that the babies of ours are not Alcoholics if we want to get into it. I mean we can say until your kids are drunks keep them away from meetings. What I was also stating in attraction rather than promotion in my own thoughts... Is that I'm more mellow now days and I do not feel the need to push my views on others. Gosh if we want to get down to it, this is sort of a radio or what have you in public communicatiosn and as being part of a program we thus are breaking tradition in a way. Each person is different, each program is worked a differnt way. me personally hope I do not represnt AA as a whole on this board, that would be too much responciblity,but I would hope in my small way that I can help another drunk or drug user not to use today by just being myself and reaching out. That's the human way,not just the AA way.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Boston
Posts: 710
Originally Posted by zoomer
I'm too just pointing out that the babies of ours are not Alcoholics if we want to get into it. I mean we can say until your kids are drunks keep them away from meetings. What I was also stating in attraction rather than promotion in my own thoughts... Is that I'm more mellow now days and I do not feel the need to push my views on others. Gosh if we want to get down to it, this is sort of a radio or what have you in public communicatiosn and as being part of a program we thus are breaking tradition in a way. Each person is different, each program is worked a differnt way. me personally hope I do not represnt AA as a whole on this board, that would be too much responciblity,but I would hope in my small way that I can help another drunk or drug user not to use today by just being myself and reaching out. That's the human way,not just the AA way.
Zoomer, Traditon eleven is about personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, and films. No one here has broken their "personal anonymity" nor have they broken anyone elses. At an AA meeting we are not anonymous to each other, we are anonymous at the level of press, radio and films and to keep our right size, and to pass on the message of hope. We have not used our last names at the level of press, radio, films or here on this site, therefore have not broken Tradition eleven. If you feel as if someone is pushing their views on you, then I would suggest to take a look inside yourself, because I am just not powerful enough to make you feel anything at all.
I do not represent AA as a whole, no one does. It was those AA'ers who reached out to me with this simple program of recovery, and I grabbed on because it was the only thing left for this dying drunk. If someone could have helped me with their humanness, I can assure you that I would have been sober alot earlier than I was. Its was the program of AA that helped this drunk to change the person that I brought through those doors...... and it was those humans who were working the 12 Steps of this simple program in their own life FIRST.... and passing it on that works.
"if we want to get into it"? Well Zoomer, No, I am not going to get into it with you. See I was sharing my own experience, strength and hope, because I have seen first hand what happens to those sick and suffering alkies who are turned away from an AA meeting for any reason at all. Again, I am so grateful that our AA group doesn't choose who gets to attend our AA meeting, and who doesn't. See our AA group has this wonderful thing that we do before we vote our own conscience at our AA group business meetings. We ask ourselves one simple question, which seems to put our fears, our anxieties, our anger, our ego's and our own personal agenda's aside..... We ask ourselves: "What would the Master do?" Seems to be working now for our AA group for 57 years. Yes, it works, when we work it.
I am also grateful for many many things that this simple program has passed onto me. One of them is that I do not have to attend every battle that I am invited to.... Thank God.
Take care Zoomer,
Patsy
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(((((((((((((((huggys pastsy))))))))))) just going to my first post on this subject, I offered salutions to an on going debate and asked no one too look inside themselves or to call their sponcer because they have a right to feel as they do. That's all I was offering is to be part of the salution,not the problem until I got sucked into a debate. Take care yourself girlfriend.
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