Buggirl

Well, come back from holiday and I drank every night! Not to excess, but then I am back in the uk and still drinking! I have vowed today is my new stop date! Feel tired and like rubbish! Old habits I am slipping into! To make it worse, work is stressful, but I know if I don't quit again today, I will not have done my work for a presentation I have to do for the exec on Monday! In between all this, I have a stressfully awkward family party at our local pub on Saturday that i have to attend.

I feel such a let down! Help! So sorry I failed!

Buggirl

Anyone have any words of wisdom! Feeling low right now

Meraviglioso

Hey buggirl, I understand how you are feeling because I am in a similar cycle, I just can't seem to break it. YOu have got to stop today, you can do it. Break the cycle and get back to being alcohol free.
Can you reconsider the family party at the pub? I have been there too, events I "had" to attend. In the end, the only one I "had" to attend was a work lunch, though in hindsight I probably could have wiggled my way out of that too. I can tell you from experience, these events that I have "had" to attend have led to me relapsing.
I am eager to get stronger and carry on with normal life but for now I have found the safest place for me to be is my own home, not at stressful (both bad and good stress) social events. It is too much for me right now. If you at all feel unsafe going can you come up with a plan to give it a miss this time?
A big hug to you, I know you need it

Nuudawn

You are asking alot of yourself in early sobriety...holidays and pub nights? Why not fly off to Las Vegas next weekend or go camping with some sorority sisters. Sobriety is hard sweetie..especially in the beginning. I have lost many a sobriety thinking I had the mettle to just live my life like before..by just trying to subtract the alcohol and think I could do every situation biting bullets. Why be so hard on yourself? There is no sobriety medal of bravery awarded. You have a drinking problem...quitting spitting in your addictions face with these terribly difficult situations on wobbly legs.

If you were a chronic nail biter trying to quit... would you choose to watch horror pics?

flossyfressia

Fellow UK girl here!

I know how hard it is-our culture is almost centred around drinking, particularly where I am from! And when I gave up last time I got a lot of stick for it. Everybody either thought it was pregnant or crazy, even when I explained how much I was actually drinking.

Can you take your car to the pub so you're accountable for driving? If not I would make your excuses and not go-those situations are not "safe" in early sobriety-it's so easy to just think "I'll start again tomorrow", but if you're like me you will just carry on every night again!

This site is about the best resource for me as I'm
a bit scared of AA (small town!) and wouldn't know where to begin!

Be kind to yourself too-that's important!

Treerat66

Hi Buggirl,

I second what Nuudawn said. It's tough but you have to change your life in the early days at least.

There's a growing group of 'Staffies' on SR. Look up housecat09

Dee74

Hi buggirl

I have to second (or third) what Nuu said - I tried to be sober in my old life too and it never worked because that old life was all about drinking.

It means you might not go out much for a while, but it won't be forever...just until you build up your sober muscles and start building a new sober life

Aren't you and your recovery worth that level of commitment of effort?

D

dSober

That ain't gonna last and you know it.

Jupiters

I'd bail on this family pub night. Do they know you are trying to get sober? I know my family would definitely understand if I said I wasn't comfortable attending a family function at a pub.
Say you're sick (not a lie really lol) and can't make it if they don't know what you're doing.
Too much temptation for you to be there.

PurpleKnight

You gotta grind out the first period of Sober time, and that's going to mean changing up the activities you're getting involved in and the people you're hanging out with!!

There's going to be plenty of time for parties and holidays in the future, but building a foundation of Sober time is important at the start!!

You can do this, but it's going to mean some change!!

SoberComposer

Dear Buggirl, I am sorry to hear that you are going through this. It has always been so hard for me to do anything social while quitting. I have gravitated to doing things by myself and someqhat isolating myself.. focusing on exercise 3 times a week for an hour, laundry, maybe a movie. I am not sure if this helps at all, but I hope it does .

Please dont feel bad though, just pick yourself up now and focus on quitting. I can't tell you how many times I tried to quit! I used to check this site a lot while drinking and waited to join until I was truly ready. I wanted to say that because I dont want my recovery to look easy. I was a living failure at quitting since 2008. I thought it was more like 10 years but I did the math and it was 2008 (6yrs). I just kept myself from being a part of anything because I was pretty sure i'd fail and didnt want others to know. This site has an accountabilty that is only a wonderful thing.

Please start soon though before it progresses worse.

If you will, put this experience in your mental bank of reasons why not to flirt with this disease. I have no doubt that if I drank slowly and tried to control it I would fall back into it. I have done that hundreds of times and each time it made me feel like I was confirming that I was a failure, total illusion!

If you can, try not to do the pub thing. I had my uncles visit us for 3 days, a fews weeks ago, and they drank alot. One of them was even tempting me by continuing to offer me some. The effed up thing is my mom was there and didnt say anything.... like wtf.... we have to be there for ourselves but being around it puts the thoughts in our mind.

I know it does suck to not be able to socialize like "normal" people and we dont want to look weak but we have to. It only gets worse and destructive to health, career, and relationships.

Much Love Dear Friend!!!

We have all failed a million times. Each comes with more evidence to quit. I, and we all, will be here for you with open arms. Just please don't give up!

Great Respect Dear Buggirl,

-Michael

luvmygirls

I just kept myself from being a part of anything because I was pretty sure i'd fail and didnt want others to know.<--I can totally relate to this!!!

Buggirl

Thank you all for your kind words! Today I am choosing not to drink and, I am going to go to AA tonight! Scared but need to do this!

Thanks Michael for your loveliness here too ! You have been very supportive of me throughout this!

Love to you all and my fellow Staffies!

Thanks guys, I know with your help, I can do this!

dSober

Go a little early, stay late and talk to people. Tell them you're a newcomer. Get a local meeting list (free) and a "Big Book" (cheap) and start reading it. Study it like what it is, a textbook.

maverickspoint

I hope tonight goes well for you. You can do this.
Other than AA what else are you going to add to your life to replace the alcohol? It is an important question to ask yourself and the more answers you give the better your chance of recovery for the long term.

KateL

So glad you have chosen not to drink x

dSober

I find SR, spiritual reading/thinking and getting on with my sober life and works pretty well.

wpainterw

Maybe there is some way of avoiding that family party. What about a case of serious indigestion. Or perhaps something contagious that other family members would not want to catch? A sudden need to go out of town to help a friend, a sober friend.

W.

heath480

Did you get to a meeting buggirl? I am also in Staffordshire and go to a lot of meetings.Feel free to PM me if I can be of any help.

Buggirl

Hi, ended up working over at work so didn't make a meeting! Not happy!