More drama, regretably.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: England
Posts: 405
More drama, regretably.
After a short scuffle I got bundled over in the city centre yesterday by couple of security guys, shirt ripped clean off after stealing wine from a supermarket. Phone cameras were out and much pleasure was had by the general public as my face was planted in the concrete with a knee. I was then hand cuffed by the police, and spent several hours in a police cell before being released with a formal caution for theft.
Where this leaves me? I'm registered with the Health Care Professions council here and I will have to notify them of my police caution. Of course the chance of any hospital having me now are slim to none. In regards to my sobriety I havent been able to change the things that are making me unhappy and so staying sober has been failire. Returning to practice was the biggie though, the one that once I resolved would remove a huge worry from my mind.
It seems like the final nail has been hammered here. It's a new feeling of misery that has it's unique uncomfortable feeling, definitely feels like a life changer. I feel like I wanna vomit from worry. I can not tell anyone this, it will destroy my mother who is already desperately unhappy and unwell herself. If I don't stay rational here my mind is offering me a solution to which i've never been more close to caving to.
I've made a docs appointment and the police are referring me to a local alcohol centre. THat's gonna take some time. I can only work through the other stuff now with the HPC.. I'me more determined to make these changes, although I just made life a lot harder for myself...
I don't have any appetite for drink. I'm grateful that I'm not drunk right now that's where I am here..
Where this leaves me? I'm registered with the Health Care Professions council here and I will have to notify them of my police caution. Of course the chance of any hospital having me now are slim to none. In regards to my sobriety I havent been able to change the things that are making me unhappy and so staying sober has been failire. Returning to practice was the biggie though, the one that once I resolved would remove a huge worry from my mind.
It seems like the final nail has been hammered here. It's a new feeling of misery that has it's unique uncomfortable feeling, definitely feels like a life changer. I feel like I wanna vomit from worry. I can not tell anyone this, it will destroy my mother who is already desperately unhappy and unwell herself. If I don't stay rational here my mind is offering me a solution to which i've never been more close to caving to.
I've made a docs appointment and the police are referring me to a local alcohol centre. THat's gonna take some time. I can only work through the other stuff now with the HPC.. I'me more determined to make these changes, although I just made life a lot harder for myself...
I don't have any appetite for drink. I'm grateful that I'm not drunk right now that's where I am here..
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,708
you dont have to wait for help jim if your looking for some immediate help then why not give the aa hotline a call and see where there are some local meetings ?
you reminded me of how that worrying caused me to throw up so much as the shame of it all hit home of what i did
the rooms are full of people who would wake up the next day full of fear, guild shame and remorse for what they did
infact its what brings most of them to the rooms, is they get fed up with things going to bad for them when they drink
i remember having all that shame on me and my poor parents as my name would be published in the local paper for the crimes i had commited ie drunk and disordely and fighting with police officers who tried to arrest me and tell them to f off while drunk etc
then waking up the next day sorry for what i did
dont you think i would of learned a lesson from it all ?
no i didnt as when the dust settled and things died down again maybe after a couple of months i would end up drinking again and again until i did something else that would bring all the shame again
on and on it would go and slowly destroy my life, all because i loved what the drink gave me and once i took that first drink i had no way to stop
in the end i had done so much wrong and lost so much in life that i had nothing left my business gone, no job, no future, no money, been to prison, my kids taken away into foster homes
the only thing i had left was a 24 / 7 drink problem as i needed the drink now daily just to stop shaking, or to kill the fear that would stop me from going out,
its a progressive illness it will only get worse and never better unless i find the help i need and for me it was aa were the rooms are full of people just like me who felt like i felt and understood just how this illness gets a hold of you and never lets go
good luck to you and dont worry about 1 thing your not on your own
just a totaly back life
you reminded me of how that worrying caused me to throw up so much as the shame of it all hit home of what i did
the rooms are full of people who would wake up the next day full of fear, guild shame and remorse for what they did
infact its what brings most of them to the rooms, is they get fed up with things going to bad for them when they drink
i remember having all that shame on me and my poor parents as my name would be published in the local paper for the crimes i had commited ie drunk and disordely and fighting with police officers who tried to arrest me and tell them to f off while drunk etc
then waking up the next day sorry for what i did
dont you think i would of learned a lesson from it all ?
no i didnt as when the dust settled and things died down again maybe after a couple of months i would end up drinking again and again until i did something else that would bring all the shame again
on and on it would go and slowly destroy my life, all because i loved what the drink gave me and once i took that first drink i had no way to stop
in the end i had done so much wrong and lost so much in life that i had nothing left my business gone, no job, no future, no money, been to prison, my kids taken away into foster homes
the only thing i had left was a 24 / 7 drink problem as i needed the drink now daily just to stop shaking, or to kill the fear that would stop me from going out,
its a progressive illness it will only get worse and never better unless i find the help i need and for me it was aa were the rooms are full of people just like me who felt like i felt and understood just how this illness gets a hold of you and never lets go
good luck to you and dont worry about 1 thing your not on your own
just a totaly back life
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: England
Posts: 405
Yep, pete it's a spiraling pattern i'm not unfamiliar with . This loss seems like a toughie though wouldn't be the last im sure If I carry on.
I just been and knocked on the Samaritans door, I could go to AA, again. I've read the book... I dunno if I'm in the mind frame to gear up for some more of what I've tried before. I'm not knocking it but I dunno if i'll find somethinig new this time you' know?
Thanks for hearing me though, you too Brain.
Just about to ring this alcohol centre anyway...
I just been and knocked on the Samaritans door, I could go to AA, again. I've read the book... I dunno if I'm in the mind frame to gear up for some more of what I've tried before. I'm not knocking it but I dunno if i'll find somethinig new this time you' know?
Thanks for hearing me though, you too Brain.
Just about to ring this alcohol centre anyway...
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,514
I'm sorry that things have continued to deteriorate Jim. But, you don't have to wait for anything to start your recovery. Whatever you choose to do, if you have the motivation, you will be able to make it work. And, I agree with your comment that it's probably a good idea to add something or change something to what you've been doing.
You don't need to go down any further and though things seem dismal at the moment, you can stop this spiral and move forward.
You don't need to go down any further and though things seem dismal at the moment, you can stop this spiral and move forward.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
I know the shame you must be feeling. I was arrested multiple times during my worst drinking period. DUI, assault, drunk and disorderly, not to mention multiple hospitalizations for injuries and alcohol-induced maladies. The one common denominator: alcohol.
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
Hey Jim ,
Nice to see ya round , even if the circumstances aint what we'd wish .
Lot's of dark and troubling thoughts , Makes me think back to when i was having things like that going on in my head .
Things can change , don't give up on the hope of that . If you've tried 50 or 100 times .. then do it the 51st or the 101st .
The sober highway is a big and long road , you might fall off the sober bike , it might feel like your world is caving in , it won't … you'll survive .
We take the consequences and we stand up and get counted , i'm not perfect , your not perfect . If we're in a hole we got no need to dig it deeper ..
Sounds like the support is coming on , maybe you need more than you or other people have realised so far ?
It's easy to hate ourselves when we should hate our illness and the poor decisions it make us capable of in that state ..
Get the help you need and deserve Jim ,
Bestwishes, m
Nice to see ya round , even if the circumstances aint what we'd wish .
Lot's of dark and troubling thoughts , Makes me think back to when i was having things like that going on in my head .
Things can change , don't give up on the hope of that . If you've tried 50 or 100 times .. then do it the 51st or the 101st .
The sober highway is a big and long road , you might fall off the sober bike , it might feel like your world is caving in , it won't … you'll survive .
We take the consequences and we stand up and get counted , i'm not perfect , your not perfect . If we're in a hole we got no need to dig it deeper ..
Sounds like the support is coming on , maybe you need more than you or other people have realised so far ?
It's easy to hate ourselves when we should hate our illness and the poor decisions it make us capable of in that state ..
Get the help you need and deserve Jim ,
Bestwishes, m
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by JimJim 
.
In regards to my sobriety I havent been able to change the things that are making me unhappy and so staying sober has been failire.
In regards to my sobriety I havent been able to change the things that are making me unhappy and so staying sober has been failire.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Sorry you are in a tough spot Jimjim.
One sure fire thing that can make your life better would be to quit drinking. I know that's easier said than done, but it might be the only guaranteed thing to make your life better, right here and now, today.
Your decision. You can do it. Sobriety won't solve life's problems, but it will help in dealing with them, and definitely won't add to them.
You can do it. Best of luck!
One sure fire thing that can make your life better would be to quit drinking. I know that's easier said than done, but it might be the only guaranteed thing to make your life better, right here and now, today.
Your decision. You can do it. Sobriety won't solve life's problems, but it will help in dealing with them, and definitely won't add to them.
You can do it. Best of luck!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Welcome back Jim!!
I think the goal is not to sort out all the things in our lives that lead us to drink because we are unhappy with them, the goal is simply to be Sober and deal with life with different tools, everyday of the week I come home stressed from work, and maybe I should change my work/life balance, but in the meantime that's not a pre requisite to Sobriety, in fact Sobriety has made things easier and lowered my overall stress levels.
You can do this Jim, but there is always going to be ups and downs in terms of happiness in life no matter how long we've been Sober!!
Go at things again!!
I think the goal is not to sort out all the things in our lives that lead us to drink because we are unhappy with them, the goal is simply to be Sober and deal with life with different tools, everyday of the week I come home stressed from work, and maybe I should change my work/life balance, but in the meantime that's not a pre requisite to Sobriety, in fact Sobriety has made things easier and lowered my overall stress levels.
You can do this Jim, but there is always going to be ups and downs in terms of happiness in life no matter how long we've been Sober!!
Go at things again!!
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Alright...I'm just going to come out and say it. It is my belief that addiction is on a spectrum and that there are stages (not unlike cancer I guess)...
I could not help but feel like...reading this last post..
that you're going to die Jim...
How freaking low does your bottom have to get? I really hope this is it.
There is something about your essence that has always resonated with me. I have always had hope for you...or at least wanted it desperately. You are obviously a very intelligent being with what I believe is something incredibly valuable to offer..
You don't seem to think that though..obviously.
I feel like one day you're just going to disappear for good...and we won't know...cuz you will be dead. Like will anyone know Jim..not here at SR I don't think. You will just be gone.
Everytime you post I am terrified that I am seeing one of your last gasps of breath.
Jeez man, don't die.
I could not help but feel like...reading this last post..
that you're going to die Jim...
How freaking low does your bottom have to get? I really hope this is it.
There is something about your essence that has always resonated with me. I have always had hope for you...or at least wanted it desperately. You are obviously a very intelligent being with what I believe is something incredibly valuable to offer..
You don't seem to think that though..obviously.
I feel like one day you're just going to disappear for good...and we won't know...cuz you will be dead. Like will anyone know Jim..not here at SR I don't think. You will just be gone.
Everytime you post I am terrified that I am seeing one of your last gasps of breath.
Jeez man, don't die.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Jim, there are so many of us that truly care for you here. I understand what Nuudawn says...I often look out for your name when I pop onto SR, and you are in my thoughts.
I am so relieved when I see it. Whether you are lurking or reaching out for help, it doesn't matter. I know you are still with us.
Jim...I feel like I've 'known' you a long time, if any of us really can say we know each other here. You were around in my early days and became an important part of my recovery. You helped and encouraged me.
The way you write sometimes suggests there is really no alternative to the life you lead..I don't think you believe for one minute that it's possible for you to get sober. This place is FULL of people who have struggled and made it through. People with desperately sad stories, difficult living conditions, a myriad of physical and mental problems, and tragedies beyond my comprehension who manage to achieve sobriety.
I would love to be able to help you Jim. I would love for you to reach out and take some of the support that's offered to you.
I know you can do this.
Please give it a try x
I am so relieved when I see it. Whether you are lurking or reaching out for help, it doesn't matter. I know you are still with us.
Jim...I feel like I've 'known' you a long time, if any of us really can say we know each other here. You were around in my early days and became an important part of my recovery. You helped and encouraged me.
The way you write sometimes suggests there is really no alternative to the life you lead..I don't think you believe for one minute that it's possible for you to get sober. This place is FULL of people who have struggled and made it through. People with desperately sad stories, difficult living conditions, a myriad of physical and mental problems, and tragedies beyond my comprehension who manage to achieve sobriety.
I would love to be able to help you Jim. I would love for you to reach out and take some of the support that's offered to you.
I know you can do this.
Please give it a try x
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Engerland
Posts: 897
Jim
We are in your corner.
Personally been there, done it and had the tee shirt ripped off!
Don't rule out AA.
Sometimes we hear things differently when we hear things differently.
This could be your time, right now.
Whatever you do I wish you well and hope that you stick around and close to here.
G
We are in your corner.
Personally been there, done it and had the tee shirt ripped off!
Don't rule out AA.
Sometimes we hear things differently when we hear things differently.
This could be your time, right now.
Whatever you do I wish you well and hope that you stick around and close to here.
G
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
I'm sorry to read this too Jim.
I agree with Anna - you don;t need to wait to do something - whatever that something is - for your recovery.
I think we change, and our circumstances do - what 'didn't work before' may be very different now.
I wouldn't be ruling anything out.
I think you're fighting for your life here Jim - not in a melodramatic way but in the sense that that the spiral never ends, and gets harder and harder to stop.
I had that too - each time I thought I hit a bottom I hit a worse one.
They say when you're in a deep hole, stop digging.
I know there's Jim who wants a different life.
I think it's time Jim - if AA is the only thing readily available to you right now, I'd take it.
what, really, have you got to lose?
D
I agree with Anna - you don;t need to wait to do something - whatever that something is - for your recovery.
I think we change, and our circumstances do - what 'didn't work before' may be very different now.
I wouldn't be ruling anything out.
I think you're fighting for your life here Jim - not in a melodramatic way but in the sense that that the spiral never ends, and gets harder and harder to stop.
I had that too - each time I thought I hit a bottom I hit a worse one.
They say when you're in a deep hole, stop digging.
I know there's Jim who wants a different life.
I think it's time Jim - if AA is the only thing readily available to you right now, I'd take it.
what, really, have you got to lose?
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
Jim - I just want you to know that I care about you and thank goodness you have come back to SR.
We understand and there is no shame to be felt here. No judgments at all, just lots of hope that you receive the help you want and need.
Forget the drama - people move on quickly and tomorrow this will be old news. It will be long forgotten soon. Gossip makes the world go round for some, its just not nice being the subject of that gossip. But don't torture yourself over it - you didn't hurt anyone, no-one died. You were not the first and in no way will you be the last. Its done and over now.
We all just want to see you well.
Wishing you the best Jim xx
We understand and there is no shame to be felt here. No judgments at all, just lots of hope that you receive the help you want and need.
Forget the drama - people move on quickly and tomorrow this will be old news. It will be long forgotten soon. Gossip makes the world go round for some, its just not nice being the subject of that gossip. But don't torture yourself over it - you didn't hurt anyone, no-one died. You were not the first and in no way will you be the last. Its done and over now.
We all just want to see you well.
Wishing you the best Jim xx
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
yeah regarding the drama...I was the worst, unkempt, bad smelling, peed pants drunk there was...noone remembers that now.
Don't let that, or any other incident, drag you down and keep you from doing good for yourself Jim.
D
Don't let that, or any other incident, drag you down and keep you from doing good for yourself Jim.
D
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,574
JimJim - I'm so glad you posted, so very sorry for the circumstances though.
We are here for you no matter what. I did unbelievably out-of-character things when it got in my system. I finally learned there'd never be a good outcome if I picked up. You are getting there, and you can do this.
We are here for you no matter what. I did unbelievably out-of-character things when it got in my system. I finally learned there'd never be a good outcome if I picked up. You are getting there, and you can do this.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
