instant

Jim
Sorry to hear all this i hope you can get a plan and support in place. I am worried what the future holds unless you find a way that works for you.

JimJim

I have been spoiled with so much advice and kindness here, just not very attentive mec, pretty disgusting and vile but in a drunken state I was. Just green tea here this time. I'm gonna stick about though with big ears

yeh I think I've been trying to convince myself that I will find happiness in changing my circumstances and not on working who I am, which is a pretty vile drunk. This is where the work needs to be done I think, or I will never be content.

I'm distraught for sure. If I Lose my profesional qualification my unknown future and lack of direction has been my single most greatest fear. I wont be the first one it's happened to here. It wont be the worst thing that's happened to someone on SR too..

I'm not kidding myself that I don't need to stop going down this road..There's a lot of essence about SR that resonates with me . There are people that have been so much worse and recover, people that are struggling and doing it- heartwarming and brave stuff. I would like to think I can see myself in those people too as well as the bad stuff

I'm gonna be trying to stick around, in more ways than one . Just rational posts with tea,yeh?

.[/QUOTE]

Hey Jen, I think I've definatley posted when I'm at my worst. Levels of drinking I didnt think I was capable of when I joined a couple years back

Being here tonight, just the night and tea and engaging with you in a more thoughtful way, being grateful for being able to do so to makes me believe I can be sober.

Nuudawn

Jim..I am thankful for this last follow up post. I am sorry if my hasty, irritated, anxiety riddled fingers spouted harshness in my previous response...there was a lot of fear there too. I like you.

Sobriety ain't no lounge in the summer breeze for me today..but I'm so very, very thankful for SR...for what we can say and feel and do here ..and be supported for.

In your corner man. Please stay.

ScottFromWI

The fact that you are sober now and here posting should not be minimized Jim. You generally come here when you are drunk...and the fact that you are not is significant. You are correct that you have received much good advice, and you will continue to do so. Use the treatment options you have been presented with as a new start, not a mandated activity.

Pondlady

Jim, You write of not wanting to "destroy" your mother who is unhappy and unwell with worry.....maybe think of her the next time you think of drinking? Focus on the love you have for your mother, until you love yourself enough to stop.

Soberwolf

I once had to walk with my mother a quarter mile over my back she was quite big at the time and it was hard to stay and help people everywhere no one helped and she had wet herself and was KO I remember a car passing and saying something like wtf r u doing and I replied I'm taking my mum home I have seen things no one at my age should see but I did I stayed and my mum was the greatest human this earth has known and that's not even me thats ppl i dont know telling me about my mum its beautiful to know that I never gave up once she was the best mum ever despite the alcoholism I understood it wasn't her fault and whatever has happened there is always hope and its pulled me through the darkest of times my mum lives through me now and I inherited this disease so now its full circle and I live through her

You can do this we are here

SoberComposer

Stay Strong Jim. These episodes will continue to get worse, your liver is suffering and you can absolutely do this! The hardest part is the beginning, breaking the cycle and committing. But you can totally do this. It would be truly unfortunate if something life-altering occurring during a drunken episode before you quit. Best of luck Brother

You deserve it. We all do. Who deserves to be defined by their worst decisions?

Sasha4

I remember a man in an AA meeting saying that one of the best things about recovery was that the people he thought would never, ever forgive him or forget, were just genuinely pleased and happy to see him well.

Thats how I want to feel for you Jim!

Marcher13

Jim I'm glad to see you here and posting when you can think things through. Have you an idea of how you may move forward from here? AA sounds the go. If I were you I wouldn't prevaricate anymore.

JimJim

Drivel edited..

Green tea today. Docs later, I'm gonna write down some things get my mind together for that at least.

Looking forward to coming back here later.

Soberpotamus

Please do check back in and let us know how the docs visit goes

Anna

Good luck at the drs Jim, and do let us know how you make out.

Hevyn

Thinking of you Jim - hope it goes well.