readerbaby71

So many emotions swirling in my mind. My BF helped and we all worked our asses off. I am having a hard time today. Being with my parents was great, but it made me sad in a way. They are getting older and I can't even think about losing them right now. My mom has a lot of issues and it makes my heart hurt to see how she has never gotten over her low self-esteem.

I found out that my sister who quit drinking two years ago is back at it. She's had some really tough events happen in her life. Her son was killed in car accident in 2002, when he was four years old. Sunday, August 10th would have been his 16th birthday. I saw her briefly and she seemed like she was doing okay, but she has been drinking a lot and driving to boot. Her anger is out of control again. She also had to get her cat put down last week.

It just makes me so, so sad for her. I admire her strength. She's survived childhood abuse, mental illness, and so much loss......we all have our demons but hers are very painful and powerful. I don't know if I'd be alive if I were her. I can only hope she gets back on track. When we were kids we were close and still have a lot of fun when we get together. She understands the struggle that is life and sometimes we laugh about it to keep from crying. I may talk to her about the drinking, but right now I am not strong enough myself.

I'm scared. Scared for her, me, my BF and many people I know who suffer from addiction. Robin Williams' suicide has really shaken me to the core. I don't want to admit it, but I am afraid I'll start drinking when my BF leaves. I know I can get through it and will reach out to take advantage of all the resources that are available to me, including the wonderful friends I've made here. It's just that the immediate relief from pain that alcohol provides is like nothing else. It would be so easy to give in.

Okay, I need to stop rambling and get to work. I am hoping to lose myself in some writing today. Hope everyone is doing well.

hopeful4

O RB, my heart hurts for you. It's so hard when you see what people have went through and have empathy and understanding of why they do what they do. It does not change what alcohol does to you. Please be strong, and know that you don't want that in your own life. I cannot even imagine the loss of a child. I know that anything to do with the loss of my XAH's mother is a big trigger for him. I think death shakes us in a way that nothing else does.

Always here for you, always praying for you my friend!!!

HopefulinFLA

I'm sorry you're feeling so down RB. It happens to me too sometimes, feeling sucked into the sadness around me.

Stay strong lean on us whenever you need to.

Hugs

readerbaby71

Thanks, I am feeling better now. I just had a phone interview for a volunteer position with the Pittsburgh Literacy Council's Reading is Fundamental program. I'll be reading with children once a week for a couple of hours on Wednesdays. Talking with the director really lifted my spirits and I think I'm going to enjoy it a lot.

hopeful4

RB....that sounds right up your alley!!!! We have volunteer readers at my daughter's school for the elementary kids, I know the people who do that love it! I would do it myself but cannot because of my work hours.

Good for you!!! You will have to keep us updated how it goes!

WendyOR

My heart was hurting for you as I read this. I think that the reading program sounds wonderful and I do the same thing at my daughter's school. It is a wonderful opportunity for you.

We all have stories, and I hope you continue to find strength and continue to care for your emotional needs. I will be sending special thoughts.

HopefulinFLA

Oh how fun! I always find children's happy energy to be infectious!

Sungrl

Stay strong. My Mom is from Latrobe PA. (Go Steelers) I live in WI now and I also was a reading helper to kids in my neighborhood. It was very rewarding.

You can get through this one day at a time. Don't give up on yourself!

honeypig

RB, I think this is great, and I hope it helps you as much as it helps the kids. What's the AA saying? "You've got to give it away to keep it"?

Hang in, hang on.

FireSprite

RB, I'm sorry you are struggling right now. I' glad you checked in though - I was about to go looking for your old thread to bump up.

I think the kid's program sounds AWESOME..... wish I time to send more than (((((((HUGS))))))) today!!!

Stung

I've been thinking of you and sending you lots of positive energy, RB. The volunteer position sounds like a great fit for you! I hope it starts soon. Sending you big hugs!

Mango blast

((((readerbaby)))) Many hugs, good wishes and prayers are with you! The reading program is a wonderful example of reaching out, opening your heart to others and building a healthier environment around you. Kudos for you for the self awareness of where you are.