O RB, my heart hurts for you. It's so hard when you see what people have went through and have empathy and understanding of why they do what they do. It does not change what alcohol does to you. Please be strong, and know that you don't want that in your own life. I cannot even imagine the loss of a child. I know that anything to do with the loss of my XAH's mother is a big trigger for him. I think death shakes us in a way that nothing else does.
Always here for you, always praying for you my friend!!!