readerbaby71

So many emotions swirling in my mind. My BF helped and we all worked our asses off. I am having a hard time today. Being with my parents was great, but it made me sad in a way. They are getting older and I can't even think about losing them right now. My mom has a lot of issues and it makes my heart hurt to see how she has never gotten over her low self-esteem.

I found out that my sister who quit drinking two years ago is back at it. She's had some really tough events happen in her life. Her son was killed in car accident in 2002, when he was four years old. Sunday, August 10th would have been his 16th birthday. I saw her briefly and she seemed like she was doing okay, but she has been drinking a lot and driving to boot. Her anger is out of control again. She also had to get her cat put down last week.

It just makes me so, so sad for her. I admire her strength. She's survived childhood abuse, mental illness, and so much loss......we all have our demons but hers are very painful and powerful. I don't know if I'd be alive if I were her. I can only hope she gets back on track. When we were kids we were close and still have a lot of fun when we get together. She understands the struggle that is life and sometimes we laugh about it to keep from crying. I may talk to her about the drinking, but right now I am not strong enough myself.

I'm scared. Scared for her, me, my BF and many people I know who suffer from addiction. Robin Williams' suicide has really shaken me to the core. I don't want to admit it, but I am afraid I'll start drinking when my BF leaves. I know I can get through it and will reach out to take advantage of all the resources that are available to me, including the wonderful friends I've made here. It's just that the immediate relief from pain that alcohol provides is like nothing else. It would be so easy to give in.

Okay, I need to stop rambling and get to work. I am hoping to lose myself in some writing today. Hope everyone is doing well.