How Did You Leave When You Were Frightened?
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 128
How Did You Leave When You Were Frightened?
My AH has never hurt me physically but he's a very angry person and makes that clear daily. It's very intimidating to say the least. I want to leave, know I should leave, suffer daily verbal abuse and keep telling myself I'm leaving but the truth is I'm scared to take that final step because I only can imagine how angry he will be.
So my question is to those of you who faced similar situations where you were scared - how did you finally leave and what was the final incident that gave you the courage to actually take that final step?
So my question is to those of you who faced similar situations where you were scared - how did you finally leave and what was the final incident that gave you the courage to actually take that final step?
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
The "final" incident was ME accepting he was NOT going to change. That anger was part of who he was especially when he was using He had no intention of helping himself, leaving me to be the one that needed to help myself, and I did.
I'd recommend you contact a domestic violence hotline and discover your options regarding your fears.
When someone is under the influence and faced with with an emotional situation they've never been faced with you really don't know how they will react.
Just because he's never been physically abusive doesn't mean he can't be. Always side on caution.
I'd recommend you contact a domestic violence hotline and discover your options regarding your fears.
When someone is under the influence and faced with with an emotional situation they've never been faced with you really don't know how they will react.
Just because he's never been physically abusive doesn't mean he can't be. Always side on caution.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
My XAH got all stupid drunk and pushed me. Not hard, but enough to show it had progressed. And said horrible things to me and about me that were not true in front of my children, and they were scared of him. That was enough for me.
Luckily he was drunk enough that I just basically shoved him out the door and said don't come back. That was the end.
I was mad and hurt, but the momma bear in me was not going to let this go on a second longer for my kids. Enough.
There is a web site called WhenGeorgiaSmiles.com that is run my Dr. Phil's wife. She also has a free phone app called Aspire. It's really great, and free. I encourage you to look into those. I also encourage you to call a DV hotline who can help you move forward.
Stay safe.
XXX
Luckily he was drunk enough that I just basically shoved him out the door and said don't come back. That was the end.
I was mad and hurt, but the momma bear in me was not going to let this go on a second longer for my kids. Enough.
There is a web site called WhenGeorgiaSmiles.com that is run my Dr. Phil's wife. She also has a free phone app called Aspire. It's really great, and free. I encourage you to look into those. I also encourage you to call a DV hotline who can help you move forward.
Stay safe.
XXX
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 524
I think I am more scared now than when I was when he was at his scariest. Maybe I am just completely out of denial, I don’t know. I am moving August 1st, I served him end of June. Apparently he is signing and dropping off today. He is very intimidating physically and verbally. He whips things at me (paper, etc). I walk on egg shells. Sometimes I think if it weren’t for my kids I’d be in jail. The things he says and does are just horrible bizarre and mind boggling. I try to stay away, I don’t react, I don’t engage. Sometimes it’s really hard. He scares me but I also know he is a coward. He has no self-esteem, no b*lls, he can’t pull the trigger on anything, he can’t make decisions. He’s almost too stupid to do anything else but try his hardest to intimidate me.
I am a little scared. But I keep going. My kids my kids my kids. I try to stay on auto-pilot. I try to rely on the objective eyes and ears of trusted others. Good luck – you can do it.
I am a little scared. But I keep going. My kids my kids my kids. I try to stay on auto-pilot. I try to rely on the objective eyes and ears of trusted others. Good luck – you can do it.
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: Wherever we go, there we are.
Posts: 108
Originally Posted by TryingToLearn 
My AH has never hurt me physically but he's a very angry person and makes that clear daily. It's very intimidating to say the least. I want to leave, know I should leave, suffer daily verbal abuse and keep telling myself I'm leaving but the truth is I'm scared to take that final step because I only can imagine how angry he will be.
So my question is to those of you who faced similar situations where you were scared - how did you finally leave and what was the final incident that gave you the courage to actually take that final step?
So my question is to those of you who faced similar situations where you were scared - how did you finally leave and what was the final incident that gave you the courage to actually take that final step?
You'll know when it's time and you're done. I agree with the others that checking out some DV resources would really help you. The constant anger is definitely intimidating, and if you're staying purely out of the fear that he may react with violence then there are steps you can take to craft your safe exit (putting money away, making a copy set of keys and hiding them in a safe place, even away from your home or at a trusted friends, keeping a packed bag in a safe place, etc.).
Take care of yourself...
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
The steps and help you get and ask for
will make you stronger, happier and
healthier in your life. If you have the
means and finances to leave then I
would support your positive decision.
You deserve to be happy in your life and
the only person to do that will be you.
Stay strong in your plan to achieve that
happiness.
will make you stronger, happier and
healthier in your life. If you have the
means and finances to leave then I
would support your positive decision.
You deserve to be happy in your life and
the only person to do that will be you.
Stay strong in your plan to achieve that
happiness.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 524
He's probably afraid of his own damn shadow like mine. I'll tell you what, at this point I'd rather die trying than live with him for one more second. At least I would know my life had purpose.
He can't hurt me anymore. And that is what is fueling him more. I think he knows it.
He can't hurt me anymore. And that is what is fueling him more. I think he knows it.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I am SO PROUD OF YOU!!!! You have changed so much, (for the better), you are strong and amazing Meggiem! I hope you take the time to go back and read your old posts compared to this one. You are woman...hear you roar LOL! Your own recovery is shining through my friend!
Originally Posted by meggem
He's probably afraid of his own damn shadow like mine. I'll tell you what, at this point I'd rather die trying than live with him for one more second. At least I would know my life had purpose.
He can't hurt me anymore. And that is what is fueling him more. I think he knows it.
He can't hurt me anymore. And that is what is fueling him more. I think he knows it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 128
TonightTonight, I don't worry too much about it escalating unless I leave. It's all verbal and raging at the world and I've managed to put myself mentally in a place where I don't hear him any longer. It's very lonely though living with someone who is always angry at you, at the world at whatever and never allows you to have an opinion and whose moods rule the house. I do worry if I leave it will escalate and that's why I stay - because I at least know what I have now. It's why I was wondering how those of you who are/were in similar situations got out. Aasharon, you are so wise to tell me the only person who can do it is me. Meggem, I totally relate to how you felt. Thank you all.
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
In the middle of the night with the clothes on my back and the kids.
I wouldn't recommend it.
If I could go back, I would have consulted a DV shelter and used their checklist -- things like "stash cash and a bag of clothes with a friend; make copies of tax returns and other important papers; carry your identification and the kids' identification in your purse" etc.
You are right to be worried. My ex went from verbal, emotional, and sexual abuse to physical abuse in no seconds flat the night I left. It is when you leave, and the period shortly after you've left, that you will be in the most danger and need the most support. I lived in hiding three different times.
(Apparently those documents you carry to travel abroad get flagged as bad words... thus my edit)
I wouldn't recommend it.
If I could go back, I would have consulted a DV shelter and used their checklist -- things like "stash cash and a bag of clothes with a friend; make copies of tax returns and other important papers; carry your identification and the kids' identification in your purse" etc.
You are right to be worried. My ex went from verbal, emotional, and sexual abuse to physical abuse in no seconds flat the night I left. It is when you leave, and the period shortly after you've left, that you will be in the most danger and need the most support. I lived in hiding three different times.
(Apparently those documents you carry to travel abroad get flagged as bad words... thus my edit)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 128
That's what I'm worried about Lillamy. I took the test that was posted on another thread and got a score that showed I have justified concerns so I'm taking this very seriously. I think if alcohol weren't involved it might be a different story but he just loses his ability to reason when he's drinking and alcohol makes him angry - not relaxed and happy. I'm sorry you had to live in fear and in hiding.
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 524
hopeful I about got a tear in my eye reading your message. I will update you soon. Thank you for your kind words. Not sure what your name is, what color your hair is, what your bra size is, or what - but YOU and many others on this board may have literally saved my life. sorry to hijack TryingtoLearn...
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Join Date: Apr 2010
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Originally Posted by TryingToLearn
So my question is to those of you who faced similar situations where you were scared - how did you finally leave and what was the final incident that gave you the courage to actually take that final step?
At the time, I didn't recognize that just as DS didn't deserve to live the way our lives were then, I didn't deserve that fate either.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 81
I left after he hit me at my workplace and I called the police. I had my saved up money and valuables hidden with a friend so it felt right. I never anticipated spending four days without my baby boy. But I got my child and possessions back and am proceeding with divorce. It is hard and I'm exhausted and filled with anxiety sometimes but it is 100% better than ONE MORE violent or verbal tirade.
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