First night out

Old 07-26-2014, 10:47 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Baby Steps
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,689
First night out

So last night was my first night out with friends and although I went I really didn't want to and even tried to back out. I was very tearful when I got home from work he wasn't there to help me decide what to wear or tell me I looked gorgeous or ease my anxieties about going out, I don't go out often!! I suppose it was like the first time you go to the supermarket and you go to pick up items that they like only to realise you don't need to buy it as they're not at home, maybe that's a silly comparison!!

Anyway my daughter helped me decide what to wear and off I went I did have a good night but with certain songs that came on I found myself crying. I wanted to text him all night but didn't as I knew that I would only upset myself more and the night would become about texting him back & forth and no hope of enjoying myself and I would become more and more upset.

When I got home I began to feel angry and walked about my kitchen saying all the things I wanted to say to him that night, but I still didn't make contact with him. I realised that I am stronger now and control my impulse to contact him and ask questions or maybe it's just that I've realised that he won't give me the answers that I need and never will so what's the point!!

Today though I am feeling really depressed and very tearful. I did have a good night and I am glad I went out so why am I feeling so depressed??
Butterfly is offline  
Old 07-26-2014, 10:52 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
biminiblue's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Honey, you're still grieving. It is going to come and go in waves like this for a while.

You are much stronger and you are able to move on. You're right, he's never going to be able to answer your, "Whys" so you may as well accept that.

I'm really glad you pushed through those emotions and learned that they are only thoughts.
biminiblue is offline  
Old 07-26-2014, 11:10 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Baby Steps
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,689
I don't want to grieve anymore I am so fed up with feeling like this, one minute feeling ok sometimes even happy then suddenly feeling tearful and depressed!! I want to feel normal again whatever that is. I hate that alcohol has caused this I hate that he wasn't strong enough to get help and I hate that he choose alcohol over his wife and kids!!!!
Butterfly is offline  
Old 07-26-2014, 11:21 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
honeypig's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,478
Butterfly, biminiblue spoke the truth about recovery and how feelings come in waves. I always want to believe that progress is linear, too, and that once I start to feel better, I'll only continue to get better and never slip back. It looks more like the outline of a mountain range at first, I think--all jagged and up and down.

Be patient w/yourself. You didn't get to the place you were at overnight, and your healing won't come overnight either. Real recovery takes both time and effort. You can just work hard, but it takes time for the changes to sink in and become part of you. You can just wait for time to pass, but w/o work, you'll be the same person w/the same problems in 1, 5, or 10 years.

Keep reading, growing, learning. And as time goes by, you'll start to see that you have more good days than bad. Really and truly, you will.
honeypig is offline  
Old 07-26-2014, 11:38 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
biminiblue's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
I understand that you want it all to be different and you want for this to never have happened.

But it did.

We put question marks where God has placed a period.

Please just try to stay in the moment and busy yourself with beautiful things. You cannot change what is. The thoughts will pass - and you came here and released them, so now they are gone for this moment.
biminiblue is offline  
Old 07-26-2014, 12:46 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
Hawkeye13's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,373
I think you are doing very well.
It will come in waves.

Make a date to go out again next week
and it will get easier, and more fun, each time

This was a significant step forward Butterfly.
You are really really making progress even if it doesn't always feel good.

You are light years ahead from your first posts here--everyone here will back me up on that I think. . .
Hawkeye13 is online now  
Old 07-26-2014, 01:53 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Community Greeter
 
dandylion's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
I back Hawkeye up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!

dandylion
dandylion is offline  
Old 07-26-2014, 07:34 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 40
Originally Posted by biminiblue View Post
I understand that you want it all to be different and you want for this to never have happened.

But it did.

We put question marks where God has placed a period.

Please just try to stay in the moment and busy yourself with beautiful things. You cannot change what is. The thoughts will pass - and you came here and released them, so now they are gone for this moment.
Thanks for this biminiblue...... SO so good.

Hugs ((((butterfly)))). I don't have answers but I just wanted to say I admire your strength. I do know that the first time you do ANYTHING in life is usually not the easiest or best. Like anything else, each time you do it things will get easier!

Take care!!
allinon is offline  
Old 07-27-2014, 03:10 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
suncatcher's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 1,099
Butterfly, I remember going swimming with my friend at her swim club a few summers back. Every song that came on reminded me of him and I layed in the sun with tears streaming down my face. I was compelled to call him and he was cold and distant. If I wouldn't have gone thru times like that I wouldn't be in a healthier state of mind today. It took me a long time but the healing you do in that time is worth it. You are getting there. I always see where I used to be in your posts. I also see how far you have come. You are on a journey to a better life for yourself. There will be bumps along the way but it's how we grow and change and adjust our sails.
suncatcher is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:30 PM.