Does your alcoholic call other people alcoholics?
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Join Date: Sep 2013
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Does your alcoholic call other people alcoholics?
My alcoholic mother, who goes on benders weekly, has no problem calling other people alcoholics, except herself. I find it fascinating that she even brings the topic up. The level of denial is beyond belief. I was just telling her that my friend wants to leave her husband because he drinks scotch every night. She said, "Oh, he is an alcoholic." (With disdain in her voice, seriously) My mother has drank nightly since I can remember.
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Actually, now that I think about it.....the heavy imbibers that I have known seem to vigorously defend another's God-given right to drink. If nothing else..they give a "good excuse"........Like: "If I had been through all that he has been through I guess I would drink, too!"
dandylion
dandylion
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Location: Iowa
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Lol. Yes, constantly. His brother got a DUI and my ex was the first one on the bandwagon calling the other family members to share all the dirty details. He could also watch Intervention and say "Wow, that guy has a problem."
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
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My mum is super judgemental about others.
She drinks to excess every night and all day sunday.
She physically winces if she hears bad language or someone swearing.
In the UK, we have lots of programmes and articles in the paper about teens and young adults drinking in holiday spots in Europe and what a disgrace they all are. Places like Magaluf and Malia and Aiya Napa.
She calls them 'alcoholic holiday resorts'
To be fair, these are probably kids who have just passed their exams or kids that work all year round and save their money for a big holiday with their mates.
They don't do that every night at home. They probably cannot afford it or they have gone back to studying. Thats why they go overboard.
They certainly don't consume 4 large gin and tonics and 2 bottles of wine every single without night without exception and make their families miserable.
Most of them can probably be capable of a conversation on the phone after 9pm most evenings unlike my mother. My mother is so bad she ruined the birth of my first baby by becoming drunk and hysterical as I had a 48 hour labour. She resorts to telling people she was 'sick' with worry about me. However I find it hard to believe that when she was drinking in the pub that same evening.
She also seems to ignore the fact that her age group are one of the worst for drink driving - the over 55's in the UK.
She did it herself when she was drove but hardly drives now.
I undertand how annoying it is and I usually deal with it by looking at her wide eyed when she starts about it as if to say, I cannot believe you are saying all this when you behave like you do!
She drinks to excess every night and all day sunday.
She physically winces if she hears bad language or someone swearing.
In the UK, we have lots of programmes and articles in the paper about teens and young adults drinking in holiday spots in Europe and what a disgrace they all are. Places like Magaluf and Malia and Aiya Napa.
She calls them 'alcoholic holiday resorts'
To be fair, these are probably kids who have just passed their exams or kids that work all year round and save their money for a big holiday with their mates.
They don't do that every night at home. They probably cannot afford it or they have gone back to studying. Thats why they go overboard.
They certainly don't consume 4 large gin and tonics and 2 bottles of wine every single without night without exception and make their families miserable.
Most of them can probably be capable of a conversation on the phone after 9pm most evenings unlike my mother. My mother is so bad she ruined the birth of my first baby by becoming drunk and hysterical as I had a 48 hour labour. She resorts to telling people she was 'sick' with worry about me. However I find it hard to believe that when she was drinking in the pub that same evening.
She also seems to ignore the fact that her age group are one of the worst for drink driving - the over 55's in the UK.
She did it herself when she was drove but hardly drives now.
I undertand how annoying it is and I usually deal with it by looking at her wide eyed when she starts about it as if to say, I cannot believe you are saying all this when you behave like you do!
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: vail, colorado
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My boyfriend is acting like her, too! He tells me about his roommate drinking almost every day, calls him a drunk mess and shakes his head on him..... he doesn't think it's ironic at all, that he has his 3rd beer and his 6th shot of whiskey while he says stuff like that! It drives me nuts!!!
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My AH did/does, but my dad never did as he didn't believe in alcoholism until someone was at the point where they weren't functional. In other words, go ahead and drink your butt off until it becomes a serious problem in your life, and then he'd call you an A, LOL. My dad had all kinds of inclusions, exclusions, and defensive talk when it came to his drinking buddies.
My AH always thought he was better than everybody else so he would throw people under the bus and then say(literally speak it), "Well, I hold myself to a higher standard, I have integrity, and they're just drunks." I usually was walking away at that point because I got sick of hearing about how much better he was than the rest of the world.
Since he's started in AA, though, he hasn't said much about other people and drinking so that's been a HUGE relief!
My AH always thought he was better than everybody else so he would throw people under the bus and then say(literally speak it), "Well, I hold myself to a higher standard, I have integrity, and they're just drunks." I usually was walking away at that point because I got sick of hearing about how much better he was than the rest of the world.
Since he's started in AA, though, he hasn't said much about other people and drinking so that's been a HUGE relief!
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Yes separated AH comes from a family where everyone in family of origin has an alcohol problem. He is the first one to mock their alcoholism and blame them, etc...any criticism he makes of them could easily be said about him. It always amazes me peoples inability to look at themselves.
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My AH fiance identifies as an alcoholic, so on the rare occasion he calls someone else an alcoholic, there's not a lot of contempt. What irks me is that he's constantly griping about people who "need to get their $*** together." I didn't know until I came to this site that this is a classic symptom of alcoholism. I just thought he was introverted and kind of snooty about it.
He's also quick to remind me when I'm acting drunk, as if processing alcohol like a normal person is something to be ashamed of. It's not really a healthy reason to quit drinking, but it's good motivation.
He's also quick to remind me when I'm acting drunk, as if processing alcohol like a normal person is something to be ashamed of. It's not really a healthy reason to quit drinking, but it's good motivation.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
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My ex was very weird about this...during the last years of our marriage he'd say that I was the alcoholic, not him (I rarely drank).
Did anyone see the film, House of Sand and Fog? We saw it when we were together and discussed the plot...he said 'what are you talking about, Jennifer Connelly's character is not an alcoholic.'
We were living in parallel universes.
Did anyone see the film, House of Sand and Fog? We saw it when we were together and discussed the plot...he said 'what are you talking about, Jennifer Connelly's character is not an alcoholic.'
We were living in parallel universes.
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My family are very similar, because they do not get "fall down drunk" does not mean they do not have a dependence to alcohol, they drink every single day in life yet judge other people who do similar things, in their eyes I am no different to the rest of my immediate family so they seemed shocked that I decided to stop drinking a while back but I saw first hand the way I was beginning to depend on that poison to get through the day.
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AM wouldn't say anything about other alcoholics, but anyone else was fair game. ESPECIALLY if they had things she didn't. Like financial security, loving family, grandchildren who were cute and adorable. It's always a game of one-upmanship with her. If you're happy and doing well, she'll find some reason to tear you apart and make you less than her. I am so glad I made the choice to not deal with her anymore.
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One time when my ex was out if treatment but before a relapse so a sober period, was staying with his brother - also an alcoholic. He looked me in the face and made a statement about how awful it was. 'It is so hard to live with someone that drinks like that - you have no idea'. Based on other things he said he was not talking about it being hard to stay sober.
I didn't say a word. I just looked at him and thought how glad I was to no longer be soooo tangled up in the crazy that is alcoholism.
I didn't say a word. I just looked at him and thought how glad I was to no longer be soooo tangled up in the crazy that is alcoholism.
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I have actually perfected a face that I do when my mother starts pontificating.
Its like a cartoon open mouth face of disbelief.
The last time I used it was when she denied a behaviour my whole other family knows she has done for the last 25 years.
In this ridiculous meek voice, she said 'I never mention my sister or brother' and did that ridiculous innocent face.
She has driven us wild with it for the last decade or 2.
Is there a professional term for this strange behaviour or is it just people who will not admit that they did something?
Its like a cartoon open mouth face of disbelief.
The last time I used it was when she denied a behaviour my whole other family knows she has done for the last 25 years.
In this ridiculous meek voice, she said 'I never mention my sister or brother' and did that ridiculous innocent face.
She has driven us wild with it for the last decade or 2.
Is there a professional term for this strange behaviour or is it just people who will not admit that they did something?
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My Mother always stood by the fact she was not an alcoholic as alcoholics are the people who wait outside the pub to open at 10am, or drink before 12pm. Because she didn't do either of those 2 things, she wasn't an alcoholic.
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My AH liked to refer to others alcoholism in order to justify or minimise his own alcoholism.
AH also likes to deny the alcoholism of others....when it's identified BY others.
Sadly his best friends 78 year old father is a long term alcoholic who is in hospital after a suicide attempt a few weeks ago. At the time his friend was over at our house telling is what it was like growing up with an alcoholic parent and my AH kept denying it on the fathers behalf..."oh I've spent plenty of time with old Bob, he's not so bad, he just likes a drinker two and gets a bit maudlin".
Cos his son wouldn't know...would he? AH who has met him a few times would know better.
AH also likes to deny the alcoholism of others....when it's identified BY others.
Sadly his best friends 78 year old father is a long term alcoholic who is in hospital after a suicide attempt a few weeks ago. At the time his friend was over at our house telling is what it was like growing up with an alcoholic parent and my AH kept denying it on the fathers behalf..."oh I've spent plenty of time with old Bob, he's not so bad, he just likes a drinker two and gets a bit maudlin".
Cos his son wouldn't know...would he? AH who has met him a few times would know better.
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Originally Posted by Thumper 
One time when my ex was out if treatment but before a relapse so a sober period, was staying with his brother - also an alcoholic. He looked me in the face and made a statement about how awful it was. 'It is so hard to live with someone that drinks like that - you have no idea'.
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Rivers In Egypt
From Post #14...
'Is there a professional term for this strange behaviour or is it just people who will not admit that they did something?'
A: Yes there is. As the old Joke goes: 'De_Nial is not just a River in Egypt'.
I know this phenomenon well. Every morning, I see this slender, handsome Guy with all his Hair in the Bathroom Mirror brushing his Teeth. I have no idea who this other Guy is that my Wife keeps referring to.
'Is there a professional term for this strange behaviour or is it just people who will not admit that they did something?'
A: Yes there is. As the old Joke goes: 'De_Nial is not just a River in Egypt'.
I know this phenomenon well. Every morning, I see this slender, handsome Guy with all his Hair in the Bathroom Mirror brushing his Teeth. I have no idea who this other Guy is that my Wife keeps referring to.
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