KAD

How important is this, really? I've kept my drinking a secret from pretty much everyone. There are only a handful of people who know of my problem, and even fewer who know just how bad it got. I don't identify myself by it, so does it do more harm than good to encourage others to possibly do so? Those who don't really understand inevitably might do just that, in my opinion. I'm thinking specifically in terms of my ex significant other. She thought I was alcohol free for over a year, when in reality I was only alcohol free for slightly less than half that time. Is this one of those situations where it would cause harm to reveal the truth? I hate living with the lies!

Thepatman

I don't see this as lies and don't see a need to yell if you feel better not.

At the end this is about you and nobodies business.

My 15 cents.

KAD

I think it's just my own guilty conscience that gets in the way. However, every time I have admitted something like this, I always lived to regret it. All it did was arouse suspicion... all the time, and I often used that as a reason to go ahead and drink. If s/he already thinks I am, then I might as well go ahead and do it! Kind of a petulant childish way to react, but it has happened.

PurpleKnight

Not very important IMO, everyone I know is on a need to know basis, work colleagues don't know, many friends don't know, many family members don't know, and no one knows the real extent of my drinking with all the gory details, knowing this isn't going to achieve much.

Those that do know are close family members and a few close friends, they are the people I'll be in social settings with, birthdays, family get togethers, Christmas, social occasions, so they need to know I've made a major decision in life to not drink alcohol from now on, that for obvious reasons means we are all reading from the same page when someone asks me what I'm drinking.

The important thing, is all those people in your life, get to see the changes in your life by being Sober, work, relationships, family, carve out a new Sober future and that will be your achievement going forward!!

KAD

Sometimes, even amongst those who do know, it feels awkward not being offered a drink because they know. Ironically, even that feels somewhat isolating. Not that I want to be offered a drink, but I notice sidewise glances at me. Or maybe I'm just paranoid. At a recent wedding reception, the husband of a friend of my SO's actually engaged me in conversation about it. He wasn't judgmental or anything, just wanted to know the nature of my problem and if it could be "fixed" so that I could drink moderately again. He meant well, of course, but the lack of understanding about alcoholism and addiction in general is startling sometimes.

ReadyAtLast

If the situation ever arises ( which isn't as often as I thought it would be) I just say I don't drink anymore. Few people query it. It doesn't really affect other people and they aren't bothered with what I do. I thought it would be a really big deal but it isn't. Of course, some close family members were disbelieving at first but that was their issue,not mine.

I'm very much of the opinion that no one really needs to know, except my husband. I would never dream of telling work colleagues I have a problem. I just say I don't drink-keep it simple

PurpleKnight

It's a common problem, the amount of people posting about relapsing due to someone else offering a drink, having no understanding, or saying only 1 drink won't hurt.

They wouldn't do the same to a diabetic, no one questions people using sweeteners, or sugar free sweets to control their blood sugar.

The understanding of alcohol addiction is lacking in a lot of people, probably because drinking is soo ingrained in society, I've stopped expecting non addicts to understand addiction.

A lot just don't get it, hence why we have a Forum full of people for support!!

FeenixxRising

Did someone say it's important to tell friends and acquaintances? I've never heard this. I don't believe it's important at all, but it's entirely up to you. Certainly, you might discuss this with your spouse and children or other close family members, but I see no need to discuss this any further with anyone else. I choose not to wear my sobriety on my sleeve; I'm just like any other normal person who doesn't drink. When offered a drink, I simply say "no thanks".

KAD

Well, I am divorced and my ex would most certainly use this against me so I absolutely would not tell her anything. Most of the guilt I feel is in relation to my SO, who is also now an ex. I lied to her so many times. SO many times. And each time I felt a little smaller. I feel sorry for her, but I know she would be both hurt and furious that she was continuing to believe my bs. I guess I should just let bygones be bygones and forget about it...

KAD

I was taking this from what it says in one of the 12 steps, which I don't even follow, about making amends to those you have wronged in the past.

rowd44

I wouldn't share if you are not comfortable with it. It's can actually be more harmful to you and others by sharing something very personable. If you think about. Everyone has issues. Does everyone go around sharing their personal business. No. You don't need to either. Most people can't handle this type of honesty and don't know what to do with it. Do they get upset, do they feel sympathetic, so they offer compassion, do they pre-judge in an negative way, do they not trust you...don't go there. If you think it's helpful to your recovery, then go there and let people know. If you feel hesitant, then hesitate. When you are completely ready, you will know. Some people just don't need to know. Make amends by how you live moving forward. All the best. God Bless

ReadyAtLast

I see no need to share with your ex .She is your ex, she is not in your life. Telling her would only make her feel bad and lied to-no good would come of it. YOU might feel unburdened but she would probably feel worse, No good can come of it. There was a very similar thread on this a couple of days ago about telling an ex-you mayfind some of the responses helpful too.I'm sure someone will be able to link it -I'm not very good at that sort of thing

ReadyAtLast

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ing-sober.html

KAD

Definitely a very pertinent post, and one that has made me reconsider. If what I could say to my ex-SO would likely only hurt and anger her further, only to make myself feel better, I'd say that's a little bit selfish on my part. If the topic ever arises, I may let her know that I did go back to drinking briefly after we split up but that I am getting past that now. The rest can just stay where it is. Seeing her hurt and angry again would also upset me, and I don't need that either.

kittycat3

I've struggled with this too, because I over think it to no end. Don't want to be labeled as an addict, don't want to be the only one not drinking, don't want to have to explain why I'm not imbibing. I haven't figured out the best answer but I do know that my worrying about what others think has led me to a relapse. So now I just take it one day at a time, and when there is an event I'm not comfortable with I will plan to just not go. I need to put my sobriety first.