Verte

Hello SR friends -

I'm Day 13 without alcohol and am really struggling. I have the conviction in my heart and know intellectually that I cannot drink. But my mind is saying "just drink one or two beers and you will be able to relax your mind enough to __________." Huge deadline tomorrow and am having a hard time being still with myself.

I've wanted to ask for support from you all for a few days but have not really known exactly what for?? Maybe just to hear that it IS really hard and I am not just imagining it?

Thanks so much for taking time from your own experience to read.

ANY words or stories about ANYTHING are appreciated. I just really do not want to feel alone in this and right now I do. Talk about yourself, what makes you happy or anything. PLEase. And thank you!!

Anna

It IS really hard.

It's the hardest thing I've ever done.

But, I know for sure that getting through this tough time today will make next time a bit easier. That's how it works. You will get more confidence in yourself. You can do this, and I'm glad you posted.

RazaR

You are NOT imagining it! It IS really hard.

I have good days where I could care less about touching it. I keep all the positives in mind and this keeps me moving forward.

Then there are the bad days. I want every drop I could get my hands on. The only thing that crosses my mind is "Well.... why not? I can regulate." Ugh it's soooo tough to walk away from it on those days. My brain forgets to keep in mind all those positives. Even if I were to write them down and put it in my wallet to read when I feel that way.... I'd forget it was there.

I'm looking forward to fewer and fewer bad days like that.

Stay strong.

least

13 days is very early in recovery. When you've got more sober time you won't struggle so much. I had to keep reminding myself why I quit in the first place. When I had urges to drink I'd come here and post them, or take the time to help someone else, which helped us both.

Hang in there. You can do this and come out of it stronger.

ReadyAtLast

It is hard, don't underestimate how hard it is. But it is do-able and it isn't always THIS hard. It really does get better .Do whatever you have to do to get through the next minute, hour etc and know the urges/thoughts WILL pass.

You'll find the more you practice this and do this the easier it gets. It's worth it too. If you drink now you just have to keep going back to the early days which are rough.If you get through it it does get easier. you thoughts and feelings are very normal but please believe me they will ease.

Congrats on 13 days

sameer1974

if u go to aa meetings you wont struggle i too found it difficult initially but it just passes off

Lenina

our CarolD used to say time your cravings. I think I recall she said they lasted about five to seven minutes. Tell yourself it's not an option. move on. Brush your teeth, drink cold water, chew gum or some hard candies. This helped me.

Good job on getting here to post!

Love from Lenina

Verte

Thanks guys. I really appreciate it.

In college the student union was the best place to hang out and crank out writing on a day like today...and the beer started flowing at 10:30am.

I'm just realizing how significant of a place that experience has had in so many aspects of my life.

Sometimes it feels intractable but at the moment I am feeling totally suffocated.

Thanks again for the good words. Invaluable.

doggonecarl

You are right where you should be at two weeks. It's tough. We're through the withdrawals but the mental wrangling with our addictive voice is tiring. We know a drink will shut it up, and it's so tempting. So tempting to promise ourselves "Just this little bit, and I'll get right back on the wagon."

Here's the thing about one or two beers. Few of us are here, in recovery, because we drink one or two beers. We trick ourselves into thinking we will, but if we could, we'd be normal drinking and not posting to a recovery site.

One of your first posts was about how you came to SR a year ago and determined you weren't ready. Then came back. Now here you are, with almost two weeks under your belt. Do you really want to go back where you were a year ago? Negotiating with your addiction.

One last word about your mind telling you, "one or two" This forum loses a lot of people every day. Usually after they've had "one or two." Some come back. Many don't.

Don't risk being the one that can't come back. I quit for a couple months back in 1997. Decided I wanted a beer. Had a 22 oz Icehouse. Then another. Then drank for 13 more years.

Be strong. You can do this.

hayley86

Hi LTV, congrats on 13 days! The early days are definitely tough. You are not imagining it! I found that every time i got through a challenging situation with my sobriety intact i grew in confidence and it got a little bit easier each time. It won't always feel like struggle. Posting on here is a great idea and know that you are not alone. Stay strong.

aasharon90

You are definitely not alone or ever will
be alone in your recovery when it comes
from support from other members traveling
along the same road of recovery as you.

I maybe alone at the moment at home
sitting here sharing some encouraging
words with you, but as I type my thoughts
with you, offering help as needed, im
not alone at all.

There are so many starting their journeys
just like I did yrs ago, looking to feel a part
of something that those before me were
experiencing already in recovery. Wanting
what they had, that peace, serenity, strength
from within to help stay sober each day.

I know I had to do my own work, working
thru issues in life that caused me to drink,
and had to find out how others went thru
their process so that I could do it myself.

I listened to their stories and if it helps to
say, I robbed them of their own similar
experiences in recovery to buy my way
into staying sober each day.

Did they mind that I did that to them? I
don't think so. Out of their own time spent
sharing with me and others allowed them
to feel needed and wanted in recovery. It
gave them a purpose in life like it has for
me.

I don't mind sharing here with you and
others because it make me feel wanted
and needed and that purpose to remain
sober each day. It's one of those awesome
rewards and gifts I enjoy each day im sober.

Each day you remain sober or clean gives
many hope that if you are doing it with asking
for help when needed that they can too. Any
thing to help learn to stay on track and replace
drinking with healthy, happy, honest ways to
live life sober on a daily bases.

Keep up the good work..!!!

Weasel1966

I can finish that thought.... ...enough to have ten more.

And if I had a big deadline I would be certain that drinking would make it so I missed it. Without even a slight doubt!

You can do this! Don't give in because when tomorrow comes your high will be higher than anything in the last 13 days!

Verte

HECK no!!! This sucks so badly. Thanks for the smack upside the head doggonecarl And like all things that NEED to happen...there is no best time there is just right now.

I feel the same way about the wedding process and getting married (unfortunately). I detested the whole fanfare and hoopla that I promised myself it could only happen once...the fanfare and hoopla, that is. And I would have eloped had I known I would feel that way.

I'm do my best to elope away from alcohol. I just have so many expletives clouding my head it is crowding out the good stuff.

SO grateful for all the good words. Definitely in need.

biminiblue

I've got over two months and just yesterday I was battling those spinning thoughts that make me feel I need to drink.

I made it through the day without a drink. It's all in my head. My mind can go spinning off on something and it can take a while to quiet it again. It's gotten easier, but I do it to myself, the obsessive thinking.

Hang in there. It is tough. You can do it, though.

Lenina

Bimini, good job! congrats!

It does get better. I know at times it's like your AV is spamming as fast as it can. Don't negotiate, don't set conditions or scenarios where it might be OK. it's never OK to drink. It's Never just a few. It's always off to the headlong dive into misery! this will pass!

love from Lenina

SoberLeigh

It IS VERY hard, LeTheVerte, especially in the beginning. Take lots of deep breaths and try to distract yourself - visit a sober friend, read a book, take a walk, take a warm bath, go to bed early if you have to. You willnbe very happy tomorrow morning if you stay sober today and you will have passed another test of endurance and gained strength for future triggers. It will get easier with time, LeTheVerte.

Verte

Thanks so much Sameer. I realized last night that I indeed need more support than I anticipated. I never anticipated this day at all. So I am going to look into local supports as soon as I'm done (reading the supportive good words here) with this looming deadline.

Unfortunately AA is not an option for me. My extended family has a long history with Catholicism, my parents lapsed and were booted. The extended family threw the baby out with the bath water as well. So being raised with all the Catholic guilt and none of the good stuff would complicate recovery for me personally. I'm working on this...when I feel less vulnerable.

I'm 'good' with community and spirituality so I will need to look at the stickies/posts for secular support.

Thanks for the words.

360shoes

Hi LeTheVerte,
This helped me when that happened. Yep. I felt that way too.

When it hit I would reverse Karma myself. I knew exactly what my tomorrow would look and feel like if I listened to that voice telling me to do what I always did when I was bored, happy, sad, anxious or pretty much any feeling I had no idea how to handle. It wasn't going to be pretty and it was going to be nothing but a whole lot of disappointment and self loathing. The hangover would be the least of my pain unfortunately.

Every choice I make today sets in motion how my tomorrow begins. What do you want to start your tomorrow with? I know how I want to start mine.

With pride and respect for myself. A sense of peace and accomplishment. A feeling of being just a little bit stronger and happier than I was the day before.

I want that for you too.

So it's kind of a sucky time right now. It will pass. You can do it!! You have been doing it. Now keep doing it! Great job on 13 days. Tell me about day 14 tomorrow.

Dee74

Put me down in the 'It is hard' pile.
Essentially we're changing our lives and our response to any kind of stress.

The fact is, you can endure this stress, meet your deadline, and not have a drink to relax or to celebrate....and the next time it will be easier.

I became very good at thinking in the short term...angry? drink...sad? drink....
stressed? drink.

I was not very good at the consequences part...the next morning, the next week, the next year.

It's hard to break the cycle...it's hard to change the automatic response...it hard to make new decisions that lead towards the unknown...

but you can do it TheLeVerte

If you haven't already make use of this link
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html

D

anykey

Would you like me to phone you? If so- send me a private message. I can phone USA/Canada for free on my plan.