four812

Perhaps if I get a few days under my belt my desire to "not use" will come around again. Today is now my third day without crack. I smoked some weed and had 2 drinks but no crack.

So maybe it's a start. What happened? Well I didn't want to be crack free, but my wife returned from a long trip....now it would be harder to use although I was doing it before she left for her trip 3 weeks ago

I could come up with a way to get crack tonight but I want to fix a gate and fertilize the yard for my wife. She does so much for me and I've gotten this bug to do some house chores "for her". Well mostly for her. Mostly to put something good out there.

So after writing now I've just had an urge. I will deal with it and change my thoughts to something else.

but "my addict" part is looking for an excuse. Anything. It don't care.

I'll keep telling myself that's it's only for today.

Ashamedof

Congratulations on not using for a few days, that's huge. My father was a crack addicts for as long as I can remember. he Stole Christmas gifts , used to spend his entire paycheck we got kicked out of our home. we used to have to get food from the church it was a downward spiral .the fighting that went on in the house and it's really something you don't want your children to see because I'm still dealing with my childhood and I think it is some to do with my current addiction I'm not blaming my parents for my addiction I've come to realize that it's a choice I made. I just know the turmoil that crap can cause a family and it was a very ugly childhood and I know right now you don't think that it's that bad but children see more than you think and they know. my dad one time he cooked crack in front of me on the stove and lied to me he told me it was aspirin because he couldn't swallow pills he had to melt it on the stove. One time he was in the car high with my little brother got into a car accident and I could go on and on but the outcome was never good and I really hope that you do quit. Oh yea and him on his hands and knees looking for crack. I remember it all.

four812

I stayed clean yesterday so today is daY four. I'm having urges so I came here first. I'm going straight home from work. But my mind is going full force with the urges.

Deep breath

godsent3

Keep strong Four, don't give in to the devil.....

Dee74

way to go on your progress Four812

D

four812

So far so good. But I'm still playing with the urges which is not good

Dee74

Maybe you need more support?

D

finaltime

Yes can you go to a meeting?

amylou2202

my sponsor just pointed me in the direction of this site as im now 4 days clean off gear, crack and drink, been to a meeting everyday but massive desires to use still. my head keeps telling me that nothing will ever be as good as heroin - even though i know the reality is that life was **** when i was using, i just jeep fantasizing about that first line- its like my head is trying to trick me.
will this ever go away? will i ever not want to use heroin again?


btw well done to the 4 days person-i hope youre on 5 days now? you inspired me to write

four812

Way to go amylou!

I didn't make it that day but want to get on track today. I Want to get on track period. Your post inspired me as well.

Ashamedof

Four, I think meetings are a great idea and I'll be checking them out myself too. If we don't like it? Find another one, right? I figure it can't hurt any worse than using , lying, cheating , wasting money etc. you're in my thoughts.

Ashamedof

Congratulations Amy ! You're on the right track. You will find amazing , non judgmental and inspiring people here. It's a great forum and I wish you so much luck on your journey towards sobriety. My doc is oxycodone 30mg to be exact so you can just imagine the money I've wasted, it sickens me. We can't change the past but we can control today and today I'm choosing sobriety.

micealc

It can be done.............28 years without a Drug of any kind.....29 years without Alcohol.....6 Months without cigarettes........it happens one day at a time and meetings.

Congtats All on your achivements...In 1986 i was given 6 months to live....im still here.....yapeeeeeeeeeeeee