briefly
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 233
briefly
Slept 10 hours last night - fell asleep at around 8pm, I was exhausted (was awoken at 3am the night before by some extremely loud lover's quarrel in an adjoining room, and was unable to get back to sleep). Ran for three miles (nearly 30 minutes) this morning.
I'm as ready for today as I can be. Couples therapy at 1:30pm, individual therapy at 5pm. Will be home to put the kids to bed so my wife can go to her Al-Anon meeting. Very much wanting to sleep in my own bed tonight, but I'll work with my wife on this.
Wish me luck.
-DrS
I'm as ready for today as I can be. Couples therapy at 1:30pm, individual therapy at 5pm. Will be home to put the kids to bed so my wife can go to her Al-Anon meeting. Very much wanting to sleep in my own bed tonight, but I'll work with my wife on this.
Wish me luck.
-DrS
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Lots of Luck for you Doc!!!
I think as long as you each don't put just your individual needs first this can work out. It is when it becomes all about yourself or herself that it would go downhill fast.
I will say a prayer for both of you!
I think as long as you each don't put just your individual needs first this can work out. It is when it becomes all about yourself or herself that it would go downhill fast.
I will say a prayer for both of you!
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 548
I am not trying to be some type of way here, so forgive me if that is what it seems.
When you say you want to sleep in your own bed, do you mean, you want to sleep with your wife, or you want to sleep with your wife?
I only ask, and it's really none of my business, so you don't have to tell me, because this was a huge thing between me and the ABF. He thought that since he did the right thing, I was automatically not disgusted with him to the point that I would...you know. Not true. We would fight about it all the time-he thought that (being a male, I guess) it was what it was, and since we were together and he was there, we should do it. That's not the way I (being a female, I guess) work-there are so many emotions and stuff tied into it that I can't be hurt.
Then again, when it comes to that...you know...my feelings about it or whatever are not normal. It's hard to say, I know what I mean, but if you don't, I can try to elaborate if you want. Or not if you don't want.
Anyway, I think your wife has a lot to deal with, so if you want the companionship, that's okay. But I think (and I don't know, so it's just a thought) that she might not be willing to do anything other than that. You have to take baby steps-work your way INTO the bed before doing anything IN the bed. She was just trying for a separation-those feelings don't go away overnight.
Then again, I may be totally off here, and if I am just disregard this.
When you say you want to sleep in your own bed, do you mean, you want to sleep with your wife, or you want to sleep with your wife?
I only ask, and it's really none of my business, so you don't have to tell me, because this was a huge thing between me and the ABF. He thought that since he did the right thing, I was automatically not disgusted with him to the point that I would...you know. Not true. We would fight about it all the time-he thought that (being a male, I guess) it was what it was, and since we were together and he was there, we should do it. That's not the way I (being a female, I guess) work-there are so many emotions and stuff tied into it that I can't be hurt.
Then again, when it comes to that...you know...my feelings about it or whatever are not normal. It's hard to say, I know what I mean, but if you don't, I can try to elaborate if you want. Or not if you don't want.
Anyway, I think your wife has a lot to deal with, so if you want the companionship, that's okay. But I think (and I don't know, so it's just a thought) that she might not be willing to do anything other than that. You have to take baby steps-work your way INTO the bed before doing anything IN the bed. She was just trying for a separation-those feelings don't go away overnight.
Then again, I may be totally off here, and if I am just disregard this.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 233
Originally Posted by inpieces314 
I am not trying to be some type of way here, so forgive me if that is what it seems.
When you say you want to sleep in your own bed, do you mean, you want to sleep with your wife, or you want to sleep with your wife?
I only ask, and it's really none of my business, so you don't have to tell me, because this was a huge thing between me and the ABF. He thought that since he did the right thing, I was automatically not disgusted with him to the point that I would...you know. Not true. We would fight about it all the time-he thought that (being a male, I guess) it was what it was, and since we were together and he was there, we should do it. That's not the way I (being a female, I guess) work-there are so many emotions and stuff tied into it that I can't be hurt.
Then again, when it comes to that...you know...my feelings about it or whatever are not normal. It's hard to say, I know what I mean, but if you don't, I can try to elaborate if you want. Or not if you don't want.
Anyway, I think your wife has a lot to deal with, so if you want the companionship, that's okay. But I think (and I don't know, so it's just a thought) that she might not be willing to do anything other than that. You have to take baby steps-work your way INTO the bed before doing anything IN the bed. She was just trying for a separation-those feelings don't go away overnight.
Then again, I may be totally off here, and if I am just disregard this.
When you say you want to sleep in your own bed, do you mean, you want to sleep with your wife, or you want to sleep with your wife?
I only ask, and it's really none of my business, so you don't have to tell me, because this was a huge thing between me and the ABF. He thought that since he did the right thing, I was automatically not disgusted with him to the point that I would...you know. Not true. We would fight about it all the time-he thought that (being a male, I guess) it was what it was, and since we were together and he was there, we should do it. That's not the way I (being a female, I guess) work-there are so many emotions and stuff tied into it that I can't be hurt.
Then again, when it comes to that...you know...my feelings about it or whatever are not normal. It's hard to say, I know what I mean, but if you don't, I can try to elaborate if you want. Or not if you don't want.
Anyway, I think your wife has a lot to deal with, so if you want the companionship, that's okay. But I think (and I don't know, so it's just a thought) that she might not be willing to do anything other than that. You have to take baby steps-work your way INTO the bed before doing anything IN the bed. She was just trying for a separation-those feelings don't go away overnight.
Then again, I may be totally off here, and if I am just disregard this.
It seems like my continuing to drink for many years, while there was nothing about it my wife could easily point to that was objectionable about it, e.g., never got drunk or visibly intoxicated, limited always to 2-3 beers per night, highly functional on the job, gambling, porn, drugs, all nonexistent for many years - I think that never really resumed the way it did before because she was keeping her distance, I think. She was still resentful that I never joined her in sobriety, that we were spending money on beer that could go to other things, maybe she had other issues about it (fear?)- but I think resentments were probably there. That may have put a crimp on the bedroom stuff.
The thing that makes me feel a bit hopeless is that based on where we are now, the possibility of a more regular, fulfilling sex life (e.g., something significantly more than this 1x per month stuff that had been going on for awhile) seems further away than ever. I wish that the crimp in our sex life was only a recent issue that had started just after my hospitalization and recovery work had begun - but it isn't. This feels like an enormous mountain to climb, and long term, I don't want to live in a sexless (or virtually sexless) marriage, for whatever the reason - and I think that's not an unreasonable position.
It would be nice to know that there's hope. I should say, almost universally, when it does happen between my wife and I - it's great. She throws herself into it and she acts at times like the equivalent of a person who hasn't eaten for three days when they get a big gourmet meal presented to them (which is hugely gratifying for me) - but then it's like a door closes and no matter how I ask, nothing happens for weeks. Frustrating to the extreme.
Anyways. Leaving in an hour for my session.
-DrS
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