Addicted to Klonopin and Alcohol
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 156
Addicted to Klonopin and Alcohol
Hello,
I have suffered from anxiety, panic attacks, insomnia, and depression since my teens. They have gotten progressively worse as I have aged and entered the "adult world" and the work-force. I am now 26.
I have tried numerous anti-depressants and none of them have worked. In fact, I have had severe adverse reactions to some of them.
As a result of both self-medicating for my condition and as a result of physician consultation, I have become addicted to alcohol and klonopin. I use and abuse my prescription drugs, and I abuse alcohol on a nightly basis.
I exercise for 20-30 minutes every day, eat healthfully, and have a loving family who know about my anxiety and medication issues. (But not my alcohol issues, as there appears to be a stigma attached to that.) I have a good job in a city that I love, and a wonderful girlfriend. If you saw me on the street, you would see a happy, successful, well-dressed young man.
Inside, I am in hell.
I want to get better but don't know how. I'm afraid that the lurking anxiety and depression will return if I leave my substances of choice behind me. I cannot envision a life without these substances. I love them. (I understand that this is all classic addictive thinking.)
I wholly accept my mental illnesses and my addictive tendencies and my addictions. I want to get this trash out of my life.
Reaching out for help.
I have suffered from anxiety, panic attacks, insomnia, and depression since my teens. They have gotten progressively worse as I have aged and entered the "adult world" and the work-force. I am now 26.
I have tried numerous anti-depressants and none of them have worked. In fact, I have had severe adverse reactions to some of them.
As a result of both self-medicating for my condition and as a result of physician consultation, I have become addicted to alcohol and klonopin. I use and abuse my prescription drugs, and I abuse alcohol on a nightly basis.
I exercise for 20-30 minutes every day, eat healthfully, and have a loving family who know about my anxiety and medication issues. (But not my alcohol issues, as there appears to be a stigma attached to that.) I have a good job in a city that I love, and a wonderful girlfriend. If you saw me on the street, you would see a happy, successful, well-dressed young man.
Inside, I am in hell.
I want to get better but don't know how. I'm afraid that the lurking anxiety and depression will return if I leave my substances of choice behind me. I cannot envision a life without these substances. I love them. (I understand that this is all classic addictive thinking.)
I wholly accept my mental illnesses and my addictive tendencies and my addictions. I want to get this trash out of my life.
Reaching out for help.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,514
Yes, it's usual to feel panicky at the thought of no longer using alcohol, etc to self-medicate through life.
I wonder if you've tried any kind of counselling or therapy? It could be helpful.
I consider myself lucky because, though I didn't get my depression treated until my mid-forties, I found an antidepressant that works for me. So, the depression that was with me from childhood is now manageable.
Have you tried yoga, meditation or breathing exercises to help with anxiety? I use all of those from time to time and it does help.
I wonder if you've tried any kind of counselling or therapy? It could be helpful.
I consider myself lucky because, though I didn't get my depression treated until my mid-forties, I found an antidepressant that works for me. So, the depression that was with me from childhood is now manageable.
Have you tried yoga, meditation or breathing exercises to help with anxiety? I use all of those from time to time and it does help.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 156
I have been to several therapists. One currently on-going.
Meditation and breathing exercises are helpful but, right now, they are like a band-aid on a gunshot wound.
The empirical, mechanical relief of benzodiazepines and alcohol are what work. They are what I seek.
A large part of my problem is that the anxiety / depression is underlying the substance abuse. And it is causing it. Not the other way around. I hear a lot of people talk about how they "felt great" after getting clean. I feel awful. Day 6, Day 7, Day 8. Just awful. Depressed and anxious. And, again, I've had those horrible feelings since I was a teenager. (I started drinking at around age 20.)
I'm just scared.
Meditation and breathing exercises are helpful but, right now, they are like a band-aid on a gunshot wound.
The empirical, mechanical relief of benzodiazepines and alcohol are what work. They are what I seek.
A large part of my problem is that the anxiety / depression is underlying the substance abuse. And it is causing it. Not the other way around. I hear a lot of people talk about how they "felt great" after getting clean. I feel awful. Day 6, Day 7, Day 8. Just awful. Depressed and anxious. And, again, I've had those horrible feelings since I was a teenager. (I started drinking at around age 20.)
I'm just scared.
Phoenix Rising Again
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Chicagoland
Posts: 3,079
I was diagnosed two years ago with generalized anxiety disorder. My doctor prescribed Xanax for it.
When I first quit drinking, my anxiety was through the rough for about two weeks. I've been sober almost two months and the anxiety is nonexistent.
Have you talked to your current therapist about what's going on with you?
When I first quit drinking, my anxiety was through the rough for about two weeks. I've been sober almost two months and the anxiety is nonexistent.
Have you talked to your current therapist about what's going on with you?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,303
Welcome!
I didn't feel very good the first month, really! My anxiety was worse than normal. I also have an anxiety disorder. Even if those substances work best, they aren't sustainable long term. I would grab hold of every other tactic you can think of. Have you been to AA? It might help.
I didn't feel very good the first month, really! My anxiety was worse than normal. I also have an anxiety disorder. Even if those substances work best, they aren't sustainable long term. I would grab hold of every other tactic you can think of. Have you been to AA? It might help.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 156
I do think that quitting / cutting back on drinking may help to alleviate a good degree of my day-time anxiety. At night, however, when I come home from a hard job and am facing the dark silence of my lonely apartment and a potentially sleepless night ahead of me...then...at night...it is very, very hard not to have a drink(s).
I have talked to my therapist about my anxiety and insomnia, but I refuse to talk to medical professionals about my problems with alcohol, at least at this juncture. I am afraid of being judged, I am afraid of the stigma that still surrounds the condition, and I am afraid of permanently being labeled an "addict / abuser" in my medical records.
I have talked to my therapist about my anxiety and insomnia, but I refuse to talk to medical professionals about my problems with alcohol, at least at this juncture. I am afraid of being judged, I am afraid of the stigma that still surrounds the condition, and I am afraid of permanently being labeled an "addict / abuser" in my medical records.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 156
It is very hard not to drink when I feel lonely and tired and bored and anxious in the evenings, or when I can't get to sleep and have a busy day scheduled for the next day. That's basically the bottom line.
I'm glad you joined us. I hope your support can help you get clean and sober for good. 
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 64
You sound like the male version of me. About one year ago I had been drinking and taking Klonopin for three years. One day I just ran out. I decided I didn't want to refill it because I wanted to quit. The withdrawal was immense. I had the worst panic attacks - I thought I would surely die. I had intense vivid nightmares. Horrible. I would hear a noise outside and wake up with ridiculous heart palpitations. Just a mess.
That said, the anxiety I had while medicated and drinking was 400 times worse than anything without it. I can tell you that if I had known this, I would have stopped or never started at all.
I wish I could tell you "how" I did it, but I literally just sweated it out. It was awful, but nothing else was helping and I just got sick of it. You can do that too, but I would STRONGLY recommend doing so under a doctor's care. Going off Klonopin is dangerous.
I wish you the best. If I can do it - you can - and I know you will feel better.
That said, the anxiety I had while medicated and drinking was 400 times worse than anything without it. I can tell you that if I had known this, I would have stopped or never started at all.
I wish I could tell you "how" I did it, but I literally just sweated it out. It was awful, but nothing else was helping and I just got sick of it. You can do that too, but I would STRONGLY recommend doing so under a doctor's care. Going off Klonopin is dangerous.
I wish you the best. If I can do it - you can - and I know you will feel better.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Florida., USA
Posts: 3,252
I am also one of those who suffered from anxiety and self medicated with alcohol for anxiety relief, stress reduction and sleep. When I first quit drinking, the anxiety increased particularly around the time when I would start to drink. After almost 3 months, my anxiety is MUCH, MUCH better. I still experience it occasionally, but it is nothing like it was when I was drinking. For me, the anxiety got a little better each day, except for the normal drinking time. It was about 3 weeks before I noticed that most of the anxiety had gone away. Hang in there, it really will start to decrease.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 156
Thank you all for these wonderful words of encouragement. It is so helpful to know that I am not alone.
The first step, I believe, is to quit / heavily cut down on the alcohol use. After that is out of the picture, I will focus on my benzodiazepine use.
Life is just so scary without substances...
The first step, I believe, is to quit / heavily cut down on the alcohol use. After that is out of the picture, I will focus on my benzodiazepine use.
Life is just so scary without substances...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,126
Welcome to the club.
I suffered depression, panic and crippling anxiety all my life, from my teens until I was 50 years old.
Klonopin was the answer, along with decades of use of every antidepressant known to man (except for the newest SSRIs).
My shrink got me up to a dose of 20 milligrams of Klonopin a day, and I washed them down with booze more often than not. I was actually prescribed 30 milligrams of Klonopin for a year or so during some tremendous upheaval in my life.
I strongly suggest you come clean to your doctor about the alcohol use. I also hope you are getting medical advice on your discontinuation of the benzo.
I'm approaching my fourth year of sobriety, which includes going cold turkey from Klonopin in September of 2010.
One thing about panic and benzodiazepines is that long-term users develop tolerance and addiction within a relatively short period of time. And we begin experiencing withdrawal symptoms in between doses as out tolerance builds, creating panic and anxiety until we dose again.
I, for one, label benzos a true evil, and harp on any physician prescribing them long term.
In terms of addiction benzos are wicked. Prevailing wisdom is that any benzo needs to be tapered slowly over time, something this addict never could have done. There are benzo support websites out there for those like us, but I should warm you that posts there tend to me from those who suffer the most in acute and protracted withdrawal, as I did. Many, I have read, suffer only a few days or weeks of discomfort and climb out no worse for wear.
Benzos appear to differ from other addictions in that the withdrawals don't occur as the drug leaves the system, but when they drug is complete absent, for some several weeks after cessation. The brain chemistry is left totally askew and takes -- for some of us -- weeks or months to rewire.
Again, this is why I recommend you seek care from a physician versed in benzo addiction and withdrawal.
I suffered depression, panic and crippling anxiety all my life, from my teens until I was 50 years old.
Klonopin was the answer, along with decades of use of every antidepressant known to man (except for the newest SSRIs).
My shrink got me up to a dose of 20 milligrams of Klonopin a day, and I washed them down with booze more often than not. I was actually prescribed 30 milligrams of Klonopin for a year or so during some tremendous upheaval in my life.
I strongly suggest you come clean to your doctor about the alcohol use. I also hope you are getting medical advice on your discontinuation of the benzo.
I'm approaching my fourth year of sobriety, which includes going cold turkey from Klonopin in September of 2010.
One thing about panic and benzodiazepines is that long-term users develop tolerance and addiction within a relatively short period of time. And we begin experiencing withdrawal symptoms in between doses as out tolerance builds, creating panic and anxiety until we dose again.
I, for one, label benzos a true evil, and harp on any physician prescribing them long term.
In terms of addiction benzos are wicked. Prevailing wisdom is that any benzo needs to be tapered slowly over time, something this addict never could have done. There are benzo support websites out there for those like us, but I should warm you that posts there tend to me from those who suffer the most in acute and protracted withdrawal, as I did. Many, I have read, suffer only a few days or weeks of discomfort and climb out no worse for wear.
Benzos appear to differ from other addictions in that the withdrawals don't occur as the drug leaves the system, but when they drug is complete absent, for some several weeks after cessation. The brain chemistry is left totally askew and takes -- for some of us -- weeks or months to rewire.
Again, this is why I recommend you seek care from a physician versed in benzo addiction and withdrawal.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 156
A very astute reply from an experienced addict / sufferer. Thank you so much.
I want to reiterate that I am, indeed, under a physician's care (without admitting to alcohol abuse).
Currently, I am hesitant to label benzo's as "truly evil." I still receive incredible, sublime, heavenly relief from them. What the future holds, I know not...
I want to reiterate that I am, indeed, under a physician's care (without admitting to alcohol abuse).
Currently, I am hesitant to label benzo's as "truly evil." I still receive incredible, sublime, heavenly relief from them. What the future holds, I know not...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,126
Well, I suggest you rethink coming clean with your doctor about the alcohol use.
It could bode ill for your benzo tapering. Booze and benzos play with the same neurotransmitters. Booze tickles GABA, while benzos totally replace it in the brain. It's that total replacement of GABA that leaves the brain unable to absorb the neurotransmitter, and hence the whammy of protracted withdrawal.
I think you are very wise to stop booze now. Period. Full stop.
So what's the problem in sharing the booze tale with the doctor? It's only your well being at stake.
And yes, benzo work. But after a few years, for me, they stopped working without increasing the dosage. And another way benzos worked for me was creating that one emotion that stomps panic and anxiety into the ground: Apathy.
So while I was apathetic about any stressors in life, and could handle things many in my profession couldn't, I was also very apathetic about getting sober.
It's a two-tongued beast we wrangle with here, my friend.
I could never imagine living life without benzos. Besides, my shrink told me I needed them as a diabetic needed insulin. Wonder if you've heard that phrase from your doctor?
It could bode ill for your benzo tapering. Booze and benzos play with the same neurotransmitters. Booze tickles GABA, while benzos totally replace it in the brain. It's that total replacement of GABA that leaves the brain unable to absorb the neurotransmitter, and hence the whammy of protracted withdrawal.
I think you are very wise to stop booze now. Period. Full stop.
So what's the problem in sharing the booze tale with the doctor? It's only your well being at stake.
And yes, benzo work. But after a few years, for me, they stopped working without increasing the dosage. And another way benzos worked for me was creating that one emotion that stomps panic and anxiety into the ground: Apathy.
So while I was apathetic about any stressors in life, and could handle things many in my profession couldn't, I was also very apathetic about getting sober.
It's a two-tongued beast we wrangle with here, my friend.
I could never imagine living life without benzos. Besides, my shrink told me I needed them as a diabetic needed insulin. Wonder if you've heard that phrase from your doctor?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 156
I certainly value my well-being.
But I also value my future access to benzos.
If I'm labeled an alcohol-abuser in my medical records, I'm afraid that I will be stigmatized and refused benzos (or even sleeping meds) in the future. That would be intolerable.
But I also value my future access to benzos.
If I'm labeled an alcohol-abuser in my medical records, I'm afraid that I will be stigmatized and refused benzos (or even sleeping meds) in the future. That would be intolerable.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,126
And there's quite a bit of literature out there on how benzos paradoxically increase panic and anxiety overtime. Depression, too.
Listen, I'm not out to talk anyone out of taking medication necessary to live life. But My 30-year run with psychiatry and 10-year benzo trip left me hitting a bottom I never thought possible.
Is the prescribing doctor a psychiatrist? Mine was. He was considered a regional expert in panic and anxiety. He was heralded in prominent medical centers. ANd his patients loved him. So did I. Until I realized the cure exacted a terrible price.
Listen, I'm not out to talk anyone out of taking medication necessary to live life. But My 30-year run with psychiatry and 10-year benzo trip left me hitting a bottom I never thought possible.
Is the prescribing doctor a psychiatrist? Mine was. He was considered a regional expert in panic and anxiety. He was heralded in prominent medical centers. ANd his patients loved him. So did I. Until I realized the cure exacted a terrible price.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,126
Yeah. Nothing was going to come between me and my benzos, either.
Folks who said otherwise just didn't understand my documented, proven psychiatric disorder, and my brain's need for the warm benzo blanket.
Sleep meds? So Ambien is in the mix? With Klonopin and alcohol.
And you're right. If you're labeled an alcoholic, most doctors will hide the benzo script pad.
My shrink knew I was treated for marijuana abuse and alcohol abuse, but went ahead and wrote the benzo script anyways.
Funny thing is, after about a year of living benzo free my panic -- something that was around for a few decades, I mean sweat your shirt soaked, soaring blood pressure, heart thumping like a rabbit's in my chest, fight or flight response going 100 mph -- I quit having panic attacks.
But no one could have convinced me benzos contributed to the problem.
Folks who said otherwise just didn't understand my documented, proven psychiatric disorder, and my brain's need for the warm benzo blanket.
Sleep meds? So Ambien is in the mix? With Klonopin and alcohol.
And you're right. If you're labeled an alcoholic, most doctors will hide the benzo script pad.
My shrink knew I was treated for marijuana abuse and alcohol abuse, but went ahead and wrote the benzo script anyways.
Funny thing is, after about a year of living benzo free my panic -- something that was around for a few decades, I mean sweat your shirt soaked, soaring blood pressure, heart thumping like a rabbit's in my chest, fight or flight response going 100 mph -- I quit having panic attacks.
But no one could have convinced me benzos contributed to the problem.
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