Kassie2

Just found out my exah is remarried. It bothers me some. Wanted to post to vent. I don't regret divorcing him. I am more sad for myself that I entered a relationship with someone who was unable to have one with me instead of alcohol. This is his fourth marriage. I am sad that I am alone and unable to engage in a relationship after what I went through. Hope to work on this more once my current situation stabilizes.

For those not not know me or my history - my current sitch is I have been diagnosed with two major illnesses this year which complicate each other. I lost a lot of my vision and mobility. I recently had surgery to remedy the mobility issue and need a lot of rehab. Just lost my job today and applying for disability.

The news that my exah remarried since our divorce two years ago is mildly upsetting only because I see how I have turned inward and avoided any possibility of a relationship. I wish to change this as I dont' want to alone for the rest of my life but see how I am not open yet.

Could use ESH as I face the future and many more changes. (I also just moved) I need to heal physically and emotionally. Nothing new here as m any know - thought I better than I am but cant really say that. This past year I have overcome several challenges to my physical situation with determination. I accepted the need to allow my job to slip away and to move into a safer sitch.

Just wanted to take note that he moved on and I know this- not happy about it but need to remind myself that I am better off without his complications in my life. He would have been on a roller coaster dealing with this past year of medical problems. He didnt' do well with them when married.

Part of the dilemma being married to an A. Letting go, breathing deeply and exhaling the negative. Thanks for listening.

FeelingGreat

Kassie, I know exactly what you mean about not wanting him back, but also being disturbed by him marrying again. I felt the same way about my ex-husband, in fact I was in tears when I heard he was seeing other women. But the feeling passes. It's amazing how time really does heal, or we get tougher.
You are going through a rough time, with health and job problems, along with divorce and moving house. That's a lot to deal with.
Maybe it would help to think of it as a time when you are laying the foundation for the next stage of your life. It's hard work, painful, but you will build something beautiful.
(((lots of hugs)))

LifeRecovery

Kassie-

I just read Beyond Codependency by Melody Beattie. There is a section in there about relationships that I found spoke to me.

I have been out of mine three full year, and am still not ready for another one. I have realized recently though that I am at least open to the idea of a relationship now (I was not before). I am also starting to experience loneliness (which is a new one for me). He was remarried within the year we divorced.

Melody in the book talks about how relationships are were we get to take recovery on the road.....but that if we just jump into a new one....it is not recovery it is trying to cover up problems. She also talked about how relationships with recovery are a new place of love, challenge and learning. It was very soothing to read and relate.

Seren

Kassie, I'm sorry about the sting...I felt that way too.

My ex-husband and I had been divorced for about 6 years, separated for 7, when I found out he was getting married again. I did not want to be in a relationship with him again, but it still stung...just a bit.

Please take good care

lillamy

Oh Kassie.
I'm sorry about your job loss and this news coming at the same time. You kind of want to ask someone to take the cosmic "kick me" sign off your back, I bet!

It sounds like you have a really great attitude despite all the challenges you're facing. Don't beat yourself up over past choices -- you know, none of us would have been crazy enough to marry our Xs if we had known quite what we were getting ourselves into. They all looked good on paper, right?

Codie recovery in itself is tiring at times. I can imagine working with a physical recovery alongside the emotional must be exhausting. And I wish I had something wise to say that could help but the only thing I'm coming up with is something I believe m1k3 posted once, something that has given me a great calm at times of emotional mayhem...:

Big hugs to you. You are worth loving. And because you knew that, you refused to stay with a man who did not love you right. Hard as it may be, you can be proud that you didn't settle for that.