Nikkabean326

Tonight is going to be difficult for me to maintain sobriety. A drink has not passed through these lips since 1/1. I'm very proud of that, especially since I've been around people drinking since then. But tonight.. oh boy, tonight.

Tonight my boyfriend goes out to a friends house to play RPG. They're role playing games based on dice that you roll that make the characters live or die or something. I think it's stupid but he enjoys it. I stay home, he leaves. When I'm alone it is very difficult to remain sober.

There have been times where I have been so drunk and drugged on whatever I could get my hands on that I'd simply pass out before he even came home.

Is this a way of coping for the loneliness that seems to consume me when he's gone? Is it a way of passing time? I'm already feeling it. Even thinking about it kind of has me choked up a bit right now. I'm dreading when he leaves.

I think the key is to have things to keep my hands busy. Do my nails, exercise, read a book, clean the bathroom.. anything that will pass the time. I cannot live a life where I feel alone every time my boyfriend goes out. It's unrealistic. I suppose this feeling is a side effect of living in a very full house ever since I was a kid. I lived with my parents, my two brothers, my aunt, two cousins, two uncles, grandmother, four dogs and a bunny. There was always someone coming or going and that sound comforts me. Now when I'm alone with only my thoughts to keep me company it's.. sometimes not a good thing.

Anyway.. just thought I'd jump on here for a bit of support. I may just hop in the chat later tonight and leave it open. Get the sense that there are other people around.. Sigh.

autan

You have definitely come to the right place for support.

Ok, you know the drill, remove all alcohol from your house with immediate affect.

Do not buy any alcohol and if possible put any funds, cash or cards out of reach so you cannot buy even if you wanted to.

When your partner is gone, switch on computer and read all the posts you have made, remind yourself that being sober is far better than being blind drunk.

Remind yourself that you are an alcoholic in recovery and you have enough days under your belt, not to throw away the sobriety you have built up, just because your lonely.

Put on relaxing music and think of toilet bleach being served in wine glasses as white wine. Hold that image in your thoughts, then expand it to bleach being served in whisky glasses, cider glasses, vodka glasses and so on and so forth.

Then take a nice hot relaxing bath, drink plenty of tea and then simply go to bed.

Wake up tomorrow and show yourself you can do it, but also show your partner, that your not going to hit the bottle the second he is out of the door.

You can do this Nikkabea326

Joe Nerv

Me thinks an AA meeting would solve your dilemma quite nicely, but I'm getting the sense that's not your thing. If not that's too bad IMO, as I think it would at the very least avail you of some tools to deal with life sans alcohol.

Nonsensical

Just relax and keep perspective. You'll either decide to drink or decide not to drink. Drinks are not going to come stalking you and sneak down your throat. You're not going to get jumped by a roving band of beverages and overpowered.

You might FEEL more like drinking when you are alone. Old habits die hard. Sometimes I FEEL like throwing my stapler at my boss's head. Fortunately for him I am not required to do what I FEEL like doing.

You can do this.

FreeOwl

can you get to a meeting? Community is always a nice ally. Go to a movie? Hit the gym? Is there any local event going on you might like to check out? How's your friend circle - anyone you've not connected with in a while? Maybe this would be a nice occasion for a surprise catchup.

A PLAN... whatever it is... always helps.

And barring that, SR is here!!

You got this.

SeaScape

Hi
sounds like you have a great plan and are on your guard- yay you! I encourage you to get out of the house during happy hour(s).

I have the same feelings of wanting to my nails, etc but I always used to crack a bottle of wine while I did those things so I have to do different things right now to change habits! I go to work out between 6:30-8pm. It's kind of a pain in the butt b/c it's late but it keeps me from drinking

least

You can get thru this night sober if you want it badly enough. Have a little faith in yourself.

sillysuzanfree

Good suggestions all around...I still second the notion of going to an AA meeting if you can find one. Doesn't even matter whether you plan on joining...just going and sitting in any meeting as a visitor will help. Since you're someone who doesn't like to be alone I could see you really connecting in the AA rooms if you found the right meeting. I do not know your story or experiences with that though... If you haven't tried this already, I hope you will!

Mags1

Hi Nikkabean, you'll wake up feeling great tomorrow with no hangover, regrets. Be strong xx

PurpleKnight

Sounds like Warhammer or Necromunda, or something else similar to Games Workshop!!

The plan needs to have a plan!! don't leave anything to chance!! some great tips already given!!

You can do this, SR is always here too when things get tough!!

OldRocker

Could the game take place at your house for the next few sessions instead of his friends?

sugarbear1

Join us in the chat room!

SoberLife2014

Hey Nikka. How are you doing? I hope everything is ok. This is a big trigger for a lot of people I think. I know it would be for me! I agree that going to a meeting is a good idea. At least to get you around people. Sometimes when I want to drink I get in here and read horror stories of hangovers and drunken escapades. Just like your first post! Scared me outta drinking! Girl you had a BAD night that night. I can almost guarantee that if you drink tonight you'll wake up feeling bad. Once you think you might have a problem and you're AFRAID you might drink and you do drink... It's a scary feeling. Anyway, keep us posted!

zombiegirl

Keep sober hun. We are here for u xxxx

reflection

Hope all is well for you, nikkabean. Waking up tomorrow with no hangover and no regrets will be a fantastic feeling. You've come this far!

Tiptree

Tonight is going to be difficult but when you wake up tomorrow without having drank you will give yourself a big hug and be that much stronger (((Hugs)))))

SoberLife2014

Doing ok Nikka? Just checking in!

Finnie

Sending you best wishes and massive respect for what you have already achieved!

Kris47

Call a friend, go to a meeting, come here and remember what's MOST IMPORTANT.

Don't disappoint yourself................................... Please.

Nikkabean326

You guys are so great. I am fine. I had not a single sip of alcohol last night. I participated in the meeting and felt so much better. Afterwards, I watched Despicable Me 2 and then the boyfriend came home. Tonight we had two friends over for a healthy meal which again, I didnt drink. It feels so great to be able to carr on an intelligent conversation with my friends. Thank you for all of the suppory here at SR. Couldnt be doing this without you.