Christmas at the bar.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
Christmas at the bar.
He cracked a beer at 11am...and I was immediately taken back to last Christmas. ..where he was plastered. I spent last Christmas with him and my family fighting back tears and hoping they wouldn't notice while he sat there wasted. Today started the same way. So at the last second I told him I didn't want to go with him to his family's house. I went to a movie alone instead...and let it put my mood in a sad state. Yeah...time to go to a meeting .. I know.
He got home, furious. Me, hurt. I tried to tell him (because communication has been Ok lately) that I didn't not go to hurt him. But to protect myself. He sat there silent and that wasn't Ok with me so I got mad. He said he didn't want to talk to me...so I left. And now I'm at a bar .. on Christmas. Go figure. I hate alcohol and here i am.
Im here because i dont want to talk about it...or drag anyone i love down with my attitude. The bar on Christmas is hopping in my small town. Loud music , loud happy drunks, drinking a way today. I put myself in this crappy place, i know...not sure how to turn it around tonight.
Bleh....sorry for the pitiful post. I just needed to say it all....and that I hope you all are doing better in your recovery than I.
May 2014 bring us all a brighter year than the last...no matter how good it was!
He got home, furious. Me, hurt. I tried to tell him (because communication has been Ok lately) that I didn't not go to hurt him. But to protect myself. He sat there silent and that wasn't Ok with me so I got mad. He said he didn't want to talk to me...so I left. And now I'm at a bar .. on Christmas. Go figure. I hate alcohol and here i am.
Im here because i dont want to talk about it...or drag anyone i love down with my attitude. The bar on Christmas is hopping in my small town. Loud music , loud happy drunks, drinking a way today. I put myself in this crappy place, i know...not sure how to turn it around tonight.
Bleh....sorry for the pitiful post. I just needed to say it all....and that I hope you all are doing better in your recovery than I.
May 2014 bring us all a brighter year than the last...no matter how good it was!
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
O fitebolt...im sorry. Its so hard. Tomorrow my ah will be in a situation that will have him drinking im sure, it makes me sick. Upstairs alone right now.. and so tired of life.
You know what, think about the three Cs. This is his issue and it does not control who you are.
Hugs
You know what, think about the three Cs. This is his issue and it does not control who you are.
Hugs
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Hey, firebolt. Pretend that I am sitting in the seat next to you in the bar. I just didn't want you to feel so alone--you sound really miserable, tonight.
Lets face it--a drinking alcoholic is hard to deal with--and, on Christmas it is almost always a disaster. Of course he would be furious with you--who else could he blame??? Certainly not himself!
Alcoholics simply do not appreciate any feedback about their drinking--esp. how it affects other people. It makes the look bad.
You did fine, girl. You kept the potential fighting to a minimum.
I hope the music is good??
Just try to get some sleep tonight--and avoid the grinch, if possible.
dandylion
Lets face it--a drinking alcoholic is hard to deal with--and, on Christmas it is almost always a disaster. Of course he would be furious with you--who else could he blame??? Certainly not himself!
Alcoholics simply do not appreciate any feedback about their drinking--esp. how it affects other people. It makes the look bad.
You did fine, girl. You kept the potential fighting to a minimum.
I hope the music is good??
Just try to get some sleep tonight--and avoid the grinch, if possible.
dandylion
between you guys and her i feel a bit better. Thanks for the kind words.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,899
In solidarity: I had a really lonely Christmas away from my STBXAH. The kids were at their dad's houses and I'm at odds with my mom and my FOO, so I spent minimal time there this year for Christmas. No presents for me, and the kids' unwrapping at my house won't happen until this weekend. So it was quiet, dark, and lonely at Flo's place. Other than a few minutes where I felt sorry for myself, I kept reading the boards here, remembering that I *could* be on the verge of an anxiety attack at my STBX in-laws, or on the verge of an anxiety attack at my FOO's. I went to a small get-together with friends, called my family of choice, and took a long nap in the afternoon.
The holidays are stressful for most people, and they are additionally sad and conflicted for some of us. You're making progress, and that's the best gift you can give yourself.
xx
The holidays are stressful for most people, and they are additionally sad and conflicted for some of us. You're making progress, and that's the best gift you can give yourself.
xx
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