PinotNOmore

If you can't be honest here, where can you be. Geeze this post already sounds pathetic even as I write it... so im deleting most of it.

Anna

We'll be here for you when you're ready.

dwtbd

Are you drinking right now? If you are, stop(if that's what you want).
If you are not , great, That is how to start, right now. We experience life in the 'now', if you can do it now, right now, you can do it in all the 'nows' that are your life. And you only have to do it now.
Its an odd way to think, I know it even seems weird to read it, but it really is true.

wish you well

ScottFromWI

Be honest then - what's up? How can we help?

PinotNOmore

My husband's furious at me. I pulled some major s**t last night and am feeling so hopeless this morning. I feel like this is a battle that can't be won. Set a day to quit, only to dive into the deep end and drown. *sob*

Carlotta

Why set a date to quit instead of quitting today?
Come and join us at the 24 hours club if you want to http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post4262670

Coldfusion

In my opinion, the battle couldn't be won. I had to admit defeat.

For me, it meant going to the hospital instead of buying more wine.

ScottFromWI

Setting a day never worked for me, because that day never came. It's way to easy to make up an excuse to postpone or keep drinking. For me it had to be now, like this very second in time - I quit.

No one will be able to scare you in to quitting, you have to decide if it's worth it to you to quit or not. If you do decide to make that choice, there are many ways you can go about it. SR is one of those places. AA is another. Then there's inpatient/outpatient detox, counseling, AVRT, Smart, etcc. However, none of them will work if you choose to keep drinking.

Melina

You sound like you're in a lot of pain, Pinot.

I hope you realize you are worthy of a sober life and you can achieve it. I know it's not easy.

doggonecarl

Only if you give up.

Are you committed to quitting? Truly committed. Will-do-anything-to-get-and-stay-sober committed?

PinotNOmore

Melina, you can tell that from a simple post!? Lol yea I'm hurting. Just glad I have somewhere to share my pain I guess.

trudgingagain

Can't tell you how furious my husband has been with me, many times for relapsing. What was worse though was how I felt about myself. Incomprehensible demoralization. Ashamed, guilty, inferior, ....you name it. Just remember.... You can start your day over right now No need to set a date/time. That never worked for me, anyway. You can do this.

WhoDey

I think we all can identify with the feelings you share.

It will get better, but you have to start walking. Make today Day 1.

jdooner

It helps when you surrender and take the help of the people around you, on this forum, in a group. Think of this a fellowship. This disease that you and I both have is much bigger than both of us and kills many. You will not be able to stop this on your own. Moderation, which I think you have been trying of late does not seem to be working out nor will it ever. You can either learn by having more lower lows or the fear of having these, which is my motivation. In either case the first step is not picking up that first drink.

I wrote this in your recent posting about moderating and how well things were going, you might not be ready now but whenever you are and after whatever it is that gets you ready, I am sure many of us will be here to help.

dwtbd

I had it backwards in my thinking for a long time. I thought I had to focus on 'quitting', when I changed my thinking to focusing on not starting , that is when I quit.

ScottFromWI

We can all tell Pinot - because we've all been there before too. The great thing about SR ( and sobriety in general ) though is that you don't have to have to deal with the pain if you don't want to. Drinking is the CAUSE of the pain, not the solution to it. It took me many years to realize that, and one of the most frustrating things about being sober is not being able to share with others how simple the solution really is. I'm not saying that it's easy to do, because it is not. But the crux of the issue is that drinking IS the problem. So if you remove the alcohol, you remove the source of the problems.

PinotNOmore

You all are amazing. I can't tell you how much I appreciate all your advice and words of wisdom!

Melina

Yes, I sure can. Loud and clear. Been living in that same pain ever since I realized I could not safely drink but could not imagine a life without alcohol. Years and years of pain and shameful messes I made.

It's excruciating and I think that pain is how most of us end up on SR.

I'm ok now. I'm not scared to never drink again. I'm working on ways to beef up my recovery plan and fight nighttime loneliness.

I don't want any more messes to clean up in my life.

I'm here for you. I'm on Day 5 again after giving into loneliness.

We're all works in progress.

Melina

Good one, I like it!!

PinotNOmore

Ok... feeling a little better. Day 5 is awesome Melina. See you there there soon! Anxious to get to bed so I can start over tomorrow!