smtowngirl

He blew through all of the boundaries I set to keep myself and my kids safe, He came into my bed after he had been drinking, he would drink on the weekend days around the kids to the point of passing out and the final straw was he drove while drinking with my 6 and 8 year old boys! .....I am done, no more hand holding or hoping this is going to get better. I was holding on to every last shredd of hope that things would turn the corner and now I realize I have to turn that corner. I told him Sunday that he needed to find somewhere else to live by this weekend. I didn't think he would agree to it, but this morning I asked if he thought about where he was going to stay and he said he had been thinking of some options.
I really hope he won't change his mind and decide he won't leave, I have it worked out though I think, I plan on calling his parents and his siblings for support on this and maybe my family.
I am just feeling very scared right now, and like I am going to puke most of the time.
Just need some words of support and advice if anyone has anything.

Thanks....

NeedSomeHappy

Good for you for sticking to your boundaries!

I would definitely call someone to be there for support while he is packing and leaving. It will help you keep your resolve, and will be a deterrent for any asinine behavior he may decide to pull.

Congrats on moving forward! You can do this!

isitme

Congrats! I'm proud of you!

Upsetnneedhelp

Driving the kids around drunk is a very serious crime. I hope he gets some help and fast.

SparkleKitty

Be very careful if you decide to contact his family. We have seen many stories where a spouse looked to their in-laws for support only to find that ultimately, they were not really ready to accept the seriousness of the situation that their child/sister/brother had gotten themselves into. I know I personally felt pressured by my XABF's family to continue enabling him after he exhausted all of his other options -- the same people who, weeks earlier, had been very sympathetic with the difficulty I was having dealing with an active A in my house.

wiscsober

The only other suggestion is to have a few Alanon numbers on hand....for support.

wiscsober

^^^^^^^^^^ very good

You know he can contact his own family....

you pay attention to the children and your side of the family...

ladyscribbler

Good for you. Here's hoping all goes smoothly for you. I do have to echo Sparklekitty's warning re inlaws. My AB's mother, who always seemed to be more or less on my side and in agreement with me about her son's disease went cuckoobananas (pretty sure that's the technical term for it) when I took the kids and left. Got in my face, ranting about how I was abusive to her poor darling son (the violent alcoholic), threatened me with her twisted version of grandparent's rights (she thought that meant she could get custody of my youngest), got my license plate number and was going to call in an Amber Alert, all kinds of nutty stuff. She was on my side until I left her son to take care of himself, which he is incapable of doing when he drinks, so I know her anger was born of concern, but my concern- and it sounds like yours too- is for MY OWN children. Take care and know that I'm wishing you all the best.

NYCDoglvr

The real victims in this are the children and I hope you do whatever it takes to get them away from an active alcoholic as soon as possible. Leave him to his family, you have enough to take care of.

smtowngirl

The reason I mention his family is mainly because of his mom, she tried to do her own intervention with him last year in attempts to get him to stop drinking and she has been to couseling with us when we did family counseling. She is constantly calling and wanting to help and worried about the kids. But you guys are right, I need to just let him deal with his own crap. If I need help getting him out of the house I can call my Dad and step dad ( both RA ). They would be there in a minute.

spiderqueen

I'm so glad you have support, especially from people who can understand the possible volatility of the situation. Can you let them know ahead of time of the plan? Maybe they can drop in and make sure things go smoothly.

How about planning a play date out for your boys, so they miss any possible scene - maybe even a sleepover, so you can decompress and collect yourself after he's gone? You probably thought of that already.

I am sending you strength and courage.

Seren

I'm so glad to hear you have support, smtowngirl! I hope that he does not backpedal and force the issue by making a scene.

Sending many hugs and well wishes that all will go smoothly!

smtowngirl

Thank Spider queen yes, A good friend of mine offered to take my boys and my dgtr I am sure will be happy to get out of the house and go to a friends. I think having them involved in any of this has been by far the worse thing, and what was the final " this is it" moment for me.
There was a thread a week or so ago that asked people " how did you know it was time to leave " My answer is you know long before you actually do it. ...I think I was getting so numb to it all that I was starting to forget about my little people and how much it was really affecting them. Thank you God for giving me the courage and strength to do this. ( I also take any courage and strength people send me)