Best way to deal with the strops..?
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Best way to deal with the strops..?
Hello,
I would be grateful for some advice my husband is in AA and CA and although he apologises after he's dealt with something.. At the time the strops and the way he reacts is just horrible.. Does anyone have any advice or tips of dealing with this? How do I react? I try and give it a few minutes and then speak calmly and change the subject but I either get angry words, no words, or yes.. No..
I always end up feeling rubbish and majority of the time the strops are irrational.. Not cos of something I have done! I hate it when he's upset
Thank you
I would be grateful for some advice my husband is in AA and CA and although he apologises after he's dealt with something.. At the time the strops and the way he reacts is just horrible.. Does anyone have any advice or tips of dealing with this? How do I react? I try and give it a few minutes and then speak calmly and change the subject but I either get angry words, no words, or yes.. No..
I always end up feeling rubbish and majority of the time the strops are irrational.. Not cos of something I have done! I hate it when he's upset
Thank you
Hi Marshy,
The best way to deal with his strops, and btw you sent me to google on that one as I had no clue what a strop was, is to not deal with them.
They are his, you don't need to take part in it. Check out this article on detachment:
http://www.mb.al-anon.alateen.org/Detachment.pdf
Once you learn to separate you emotional well being from his behavior life gets much easier. It's not easy at first but you don't have to react to childish behavior.
If he's upset remember that it's his problem not yours.
Your friend,
The best way to deal with his strops, and btw you sent me to google on that one as I had no clue what a strop was, is to not deal with them.
They are his, you don't need to take part in it. Check out this article on detachment:
http://www.mb.al-anon.alateen.org/Detachment.pdf
Once you learn to separate you emotional well being from his behavior life gets much easier. It's not easy at first but you don't have to react to childish behavior.
If he's upset remember that it's his problem not yours.
Your friend,
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 95
Hi M1ke,
Thanks for your reply.
Oh dear, sorry! That's the only word I could describe them with.. Ill have a read of that link..
Just sounds easier said than done I seem to hang off his every whim when it comes to strops.. They just make me so nervous and no matter what we have planned they just ruin in
Thanks again
Thanks for your reply.
Oh dear, sorry! That's the only word I could describe them with.. Ill have a read of that link..
Just sounds easier said than done I seem to hang off his every whim when it comes to strops.. They just make me so nervous and no matter what we have planned they just ruin in
Thanks again
I too had to Google, and was thinking how does a sharpening instrument shaped like an oar cause so much trouble? Yeah, yeah, stupid American right here!!
Thanks for clarifying.
Mike is right - detachment, detachment, detachment. Read as much as you can about this concept, and how to put it into practice. It really does help to not own his bad behavior and make it yours.
Thanks for clarifying.
Mike is right - detachment, detachment, detachment. Read as much as you can about this concept, and how to put it into practice. It really does help to not own his bad behavior and make it yours.
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emotional dysregulation
Emotional dysregulation - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
But, yes, an A without their "mood stabilizer" or Drug of Choice, often has emotional dysregulation.
But Mike is very correct -- first for you is detachment -- put in more simple terms, some distance -- where his "weather" does not rain on you.
And then some "boundaries" to keep his stuff on his side of the fence, and you from wandering into them.
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When you pick him up remember whatever mood he is in does not have to be your mood. I used to sponge up XABF's moods like they were contagious, but with more and more practise at detachment you'll find you can be happy even when he's throwing a mega-strop, in fact sometimes I had to stop myself from outright laughing!
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