alphaomega

A SR friend of mine and I were discussing how our recovery dates were different than our sobriety dates.

For me, my "recovery" started 7/22/11 when I had an out of body experience during a hangover that I'm quite sure my heart stopped during.

Since then, I bounced back and forth between sobriety and slips, relapses and stringing days together.

In your opinion, do you, yourself, count the total days sober as a means of moving towards your sobriety ? Or do you only count CONSECUTIVE days of sobriety ?

I ask because my therapist said I will not be accountable, truly accountable for myself until I make a date and stick to it and under NO circumstances falter.

That actually made me want to drink.

Kinda Like, screw it, if those 50 days don't count then I might as well.

Ok, have at it.

I'm braced for impact....

Amajorityofone

All I know is that I stopped smoking dope and drinking alcohol for good on August 20th, 2012. This is the only date that matters to me.

Hope this helps

Dee74

I never heard the term recovery date before the other recent thread.

I like to keep things simple. The first day I was sober was the first day of my new life.

I don't believe that resetting the count to zero is a punishment - it's about being honest in my book - I was capable of being very dishonest with myself in the old days...

I also don't believe sobriety dates should be like some kind of competitive sport.

Meaning is a very very subjective thing.

If you want to go by a recovery date - if you feel that helps your recovery that's your call...go for it -

just don't drink today - thats the really important bit in my book.

D

ersatzmatriarch

hey ao...

i guess i count both from the day i finally put down the drink (and i do believe, at least for me, recovery and sobriety are two seperate things as well.) but, i didn't really begin to achieve either until that one day.

but, after i hit 100-plus-a-few days, i stopped counting entirely. i was obsessing, and i had to let it go to feel better... because those last two weeks of sobriety leading into 100 days did not remotely resemble anything like recovery for me.

i think whatever works for you, works for you... even if your therapist doesn't approve. you're the one who has to live in you, right?!

PhaseTwo

I think that you should strive to pick a sobriety date and stick to it. Otherwise you may find yourself in a continuous cycle of periods of sobriety and then relapse. By sticking to this recovery date thing I think it gives your AV too much power cause it will always be in the back of your head if I drink It will suck but I'll just start over again. Doesn't mean you have to get really down on yourself if you do relapse

ScottFromWI

Whatever works for you. If you want to have a "recovery" date and a sobriety date, so be it. It's really just a semantics argument, what's more important is how you plan to keep sober today in my opinion.

Anna

I'm not sure why your therapist would make such a big deal about the date?

I wouldn't want to allow anything that anyone said make me say 'screw it, and drink'. I think I have removed most of those toxic people from my life.

I hope that you can find some peace with this issue.

Bls57

I'm new to this, 23 days, for me it was easier to just stop than to try to continually bounce between "I am only going to drink on weekends" or "not till after 5:00, 4:00, 2:00... Ok, we'll not before 10:00 am" (that didn't work either).

I like having a date when I quit so that I can use it to help me stay sober. But the most important thing IMO is that we keep trying and if there is a slip, figure out why - what happened that made drinking a better option than staying sober. As everyone else has said, it is whatever works for you.... But the point is to not drink.

Hang in there, we are rooting for you.

jaynie04

I don't know, I have 90 days today and there is a part of me that doesn't feel like I really do....I mean June 27th I wandered into the doors of a facility where I stayed for 30 days with no temptations and nothing to do but worry about me. I don't honestly know if I could have broken the day to dayness of my drinking without such an abrupt about face. I think a lot of people who have trouble getting started have more guts and fortitude than I ever have had....

I know there was a discussion today on another thread about days/time etc. I do find it helpful to know if someone has 10years versus 10 days, but I don't believe that quality can ever be confused with quantity. I think we learn about ourselves as much through the time we put together as from our slips. I think the honesty of sharing here helps others as well as the poster, I am constantly learning from everyone.

That being said, I know myself. I am throwing everything I have at this. I have always been a perfectionist (not so much so in the last 2 years when I would wear the same lovely velour sweats for 9 days even though it was 85 degrees out), so if putting a number up on a board holds me to something, then it's one more thing working for me. Likewise, I realize that the same thing could be wielded as a weapon against myself after a slip.

Short answer, I don't know. I guess I am hoping that if/when I get to years it all becomes a rounding error....and decades, well then we are really talking!!

Grungehead

I think if you relapse you start back at zero (and to me one drink or one night or one year are all relapses). I had two stretches of sobriety that each lasted for 7 years, with a one year relapse and an eight year relapse included (I have 5 months now). I don't think it would be honest for me to tell people I have been sober for 14 and a half years. It doesn't mean I didn't achieve those 7 year stretches or learn anything from them. To me that would be like a baseball player saying he had a 40 game hitting streak going...not counting that one game in the middle where he didn't get a hit.

For me sobriety means being honest, especially with myself. I am finding out after years of trying to take the easier softer way, that the quality of my sobriety is what's really important. I've had long term sobriety and was still miserable much of that time because I didn't work on changing the causes for my drinking. At 5 months I am happier than I've ever been being sober.

alphaomega

I guess what I mean is that I have been "moving toward" wellness and sobriety since that date.
I fully admit non compliance with complete sobriety but it was when I truly began to regret every drink.
In moving forward, I'd like to think that this is a process. Being such, there is a beginning and middle and then an end. For me, counting days is great when you get past, say 30, but a complete reset like she was suggesting makes all the work I did up until that point null and void.
I dunno. Maybe this is just my AV yapping its flap. But if it is only all or nothing, I guess I'm back to nothing.

And that makes me, well, it makes me kinda sad and defeated. And when that happens, I get kinda, f it, I'm throwing in the towel.

And that's a scarey place for an alcoholic to be.

Bls57

Oops posted twice...

keithj

There was nothing recovery related about the decade or so that I spent regretting drinking. The only date I concern myself with is my sobriety date, which is the first day I didn't drink.

silentrun

Is this my fault Alpha? It stressed me out a lot at first but the further I go the clearer things become. I learning to be patient and let things happen when they should. Things I didn't understand become clear later on. When people talk about sobriety dates I think that is just what they mean the last time you used, the last time you were not sober. Sobriety to me is the cornerstone of my recovery. Without sobriety recovery is not possible. Healing is the next part of my recovery without it sobriety isn't worth a whole hell of a lot to me.
I am really not that far ahead of you so that's all I got right now. I know for a fact that I did not go back to square 1 on my recovery. That slip or relapse if you think slip is a sugar coat was part of my recovery. It didn't end my recovery and restart it. It just restarted my sobriety date.

alphaomega

Oh. Please understand, I'm not running around telling people I'm 2 years sober.

Date counting, and dates in general just stress me out for some reason.

I just want to do it right. Whatever "right" is. And I don't want to get it all cattywompus and screwed up.

I'm a freak like that.

silentrun

When I was like that Dee and Deeker helped me figure it out. I reset my sobriety date. I get it though. It's like having a new born baby and you use age in weeks and months to make sure you are on track. I would like to have a heads up for PAWS but it will happen when it happens I guess. It will be nice like Jaynie said when we have so much time we could round off if we wanted to.

lessgravity

I think one of the issues with not having consecutive days sober is that plays into drinking or drugging. If I'm no accountable for how often, in a row, I've abstained, then picking up again becomes easier, on a rational level. If you hold on to your "days since" I think it can drive you to protect those days. Whereas yes, you can give yourself credit that since XY/XY you have been working on your sobriety, if you haven't overcome the drive to pick up, then you are still in the basement of addiction. You know?

alphaomega

My rational brain says there is no room for future failure.

My alcoholic brain says well I guess that's dead so I might as well keep failing.

I have an internal battle going on again where before this moment thought, ok I messed up
Get back on the horse and move towards greatness. Forgive yourself and proceed with caution.

Now I'm cutting off my nose to spite my face.

Brother

Curt0284

I'm only on day six but I can see where your coming from. The date scares me I fear it because if I do slip I feel like I will be way to hard on myself and depressed. That being said its a fear for me and I won't let fears drive me I never have I have to control that fear and make it work for me. I'm trying to look at the date in a happy way but I still wake up in the morning and could care less about when I quit but just happy I pulled through another day and its getting easier. This is what is keeping me sane in this early part of my recovery.

stark6935

I hope in the not so distant future I wont remember to care or worry about when I got sober, and it was just a bad memory of my life. As far as drinking is concerned. I don't remember when I quit smoking cigarettes either, but I know it was like 10 years ago.