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Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 17
First post
I'm going to AA for the first time in an hour. I'm just sick of embarrassing myself and being 'that guy' time and again. I have so many events that I was looking forward to that I look back on now with sad memories because I celebrated too much and embarrassed myself. I guess when your young, the life of the party, and a drunken fool it can be funny. As you get older, you feel like a jackass. I wince at some of my stupidity. I've tried to stop drinking before on my own but after a month or so, I'm back at it. Obviously I have the same concerns everyone does at the beginning but one of my biggest is how do I have fun without drinking. I don't even know how to do it anymore. I only really drink on weekends, work 60 hour weeks, coach sports, a single dad and all I do is think about Friday night and my first of many drinks for the weekend. That might be a slight exaggeration but you get my drift Did any of you have a tough time having fun? I'm easily bored and think drinking is just an activity to kill boredom and add excitement. I am willing to commit to not drinking but hope I can find excitement in sobriety. Some people will say go for a hike but that doesn't do it for me. Anyway, I hope the meeting goes well and I'm inspired for a better life. Being in a time warp and acting the same way as I did at 23 sucks. On paper, I look like I have a good life but my thoughts can't be consumed by drinking on the weekend. Most of all I Love God am am tired of being a hypocrite. Alcohol is a huge barrier to being closer to him
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
to SR! I'm glad you've decided to stop drinking. Getting sober is the best thing I've ever done for myself.
I too thought I'd be bored out of my mind if I wasn't drinking but that isn't true at all. Anyway, I'd rather be sober and bored than drunk and disgusting.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Colorado
Posts: 355
Congrats and Welcome! You'll hear many stories that you can relate to both here and at AA. One of the things I love about AA is that we laugh at all the stuff we're embarrassed about because we've all been "that crazy drunk" at many a party or other situation. . . . It feels good to laugh. My experience. Good luck
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Welcome to SR CP
It's my opinion that being bored is a symptom of being addicted. Course you're bored when you're sober now. It takes time to overcome the addiction and learn how to have fun again sober. When I was actively drinking I didn't see the point of doing anything that didn't involve booze, now I can't see how any of that was fun before... and you can still go to parties and have fun, eventually. Just now you will be in control of your actions But try not to worry about all that side of things for now. Learning to stay sober has to be the priority for the early parts of sobriety.
Glad you're here x
It's my opinion that being bored is a symptom of being addicted. Course you're bored when you're sober now. It takes time to overcome the addiction and learn how to have fun again sober. When I was actively drinking I didn't see the point of doing anything that didn't involve booze, now I can't see how any of that was fun before... and you can still go to parties and have fun, eventually. Just now you will be in control of your actions
But try not to worry about all that side of things for now. Learning to stay sober has to be the priority for the early parts of sobriety.Glad you're here x
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
"Boredom is wanting to do something, anything, as long as you don’t have to actually do something to do it."
I wrote that early in my sobriety thinking the same thing. But it occurred to me that getting drunk was doing nothing for hours but sitting, standing, and occasionally dancing, usually in darkened rooms, none of which are fun to me when I am sober. I then realized those weren't fun drunk either! The drunk wasn't the high. The high was feeling no cares, being care-less, not having to fear the results of my carelessness, until I got sober. Then I was OK until I had time with myself after work. Then I had to drink to stop the shaking before work. Then during. Then retiring because I was afraid to drive and hurt myself or my vehicles. Then becoming a hermit. All so I could drink, and be care-less about my life.
It then occurred to me to write:
"Alcohol provides us an avenue to run away from all of our problems . . . except the results of using alcohol. <sigh>"
If you had the money, what would you wish to do? Maybe not today, maybe a dream from before you started drinking. You have the money you used to spend on booze. Why not take a few hundred and drive to a major town for an art exhibit, or a museum you've never seen before? Try sky diving, or scuba diving whichever you are nearest. Too cold, take a ski lesson or twenty.
I don't know about others but what held me back so long was the conditioned response to going out from being a heavy drinker/alcoholic/drunk/problem drinker for so long. It took me a long time, almost a year, to fully realize how free I was now. Before I quit, for years the thought of driving or going out involved the risk of DUI, social embarrassment for my drinking, paranoia of Law enforcement for a variety of reasons, not the least of which was the open container law.
Did you ever watch the movie "The Shawshank Redemption?" Remember the guy that could not adapt to being free and hung himself because of conditioning? I had a little of that, but not the suicidal part, just the feeling that I can't do some things because I could not for years. Quitting the slow suicide of drinking proved that I wanted to live, and even more, live a life and not a lie.
So there I was at six months and more and I was sitting there doing the same things I did when I was drinking. Isolating and staying home a lot. Not out of fear of drinking, it was just the self-conditioning of a good high functioning alcoholic. (Yes folks I also believe the words High Functioning and Alcoholic combined are an oxymoron but that is another topic.)
I had to force myself to go out, shop, go to shows, and do things. Most of all get off my dead axe and get back into shape, physically and emotionally, which both take working out.
Once I realized how free I was, it became a bit overwhelming because there are now so many possibilities for me I was terrified to choose! NO excuses anymore. And I wasn't the brilliant conversationalist or creative genius that alcohol made me feel like. Then I realized neither was anybody else! I was good enough, and began the long learning curve in any relationship to get to know and love another. Except now I was meeting me for the first time in ages and I had changed. Like an old friend, I was glad to have back, warts and all, I found myself . . . period.
Go out and find yourself. Or hang in there for a year until you decide to. Or you could cut the learning curve short and start having fun today. Unless you aren't through grieving for alcohol. I never grieved. I spat on its grave. And smiled.
You see, the best revenge is living well.
I used AA and here on SR for the first three months, then just here once I was sure I made it. Let us know how your first meeting goes! I still stop by my home group to check in and see how all my friends are doing today, three years later. I have not, and am determined never to, had or will have a relapse.
I'm free thanks in large part to my friends here too. Post here a lot, read here a lot, help others once you are on your feet in your own sobriety, be free!
I wrote that early in my sobriety thinking the same thing. But it occurred to me that getting drunk was doing nothing for hours but sitting, standing, and occasionally dancing, usually in darkened rooms, none of which are fun to me when I am sober. I then realized those weren't fun drunk either! The drunk wasn't the high. The high was feeling no cares, being care-less, not having to fear the results of my carelessness, until I got sober. Then I was OK until I had time with myself after work. Then I had to drink to stop the shaking before work. Then during. Then retiring because I was afraid to drive and hurt myself or my vehicles. Then becoming a hermit. All so I could drink, and be care-less about my life.
It then occurred to me to write:
"Alcohol provides us an avenue to run away from all of our problems . . . except the results of using alcohol. <sigh>"
If you had the money, what would you wish to do? Maybe not today, maybe a dream from before you started drinking. You have the money you used to spend on booze. Why not take a few hundred and drive to a major town for an art exhibit, or a museum you've never seen before? Try sky diving, or scuba diving whichever you are nearest. Too cold, take a ski lesson or twenty.
I don't know about others but what held me back so long was the conditioned response to going out from being a heavy drinker/alcoholic/drunk/problem drinker for so long. It took me a long time, almost a year, to fully realize how free I was now. Before I quit, for years the thought of driving or going out involved the risk of DUI, social embarrassment for my drinking, paranoia of Law enforcement for a variety of reasons, not the least of which was the open container law.
Did you ever watch the movie "The Shawshank Redemption?" Remember the guy that could not adapt to being free and hung himself because of conditioning? I had a little of that, but not the suicidal part, just the feeling that I can't do some things because I could not for years. Quitting the slow suicide of drinking proved that I wanted to live, and even more, live a life and not a lie.
So there I was at six months and more and I was sitting there doing the same things I did when I was drinking. Isolating and staying home a lot. Not out of fear of drinking, it was just the self-conditioning of a good high functioning alcoholic. (Yes folks I also believe the words High Functioning and Alcoholic combined are an oxymoron but that is another topic.)
I had to force myself to go out, shop, go to shows, and do things. Most of all get off my dead axe and get back into shape, physically and emotionally, which both take working out.
Once I realized how free I was, it became a bit overwhelming because there are now so many possibilities for me I was terrified to choose! NO excuses anymore. And I wasn't the brilliant conversationalist or creative genius that alcohol made me feel like. Then I realized neither was anybody else! I was good enough, and began the long learning curve in any relationship to get to know and love another. Except now I was meeting me for the first time in ages and I had changed. Like an old friend, I was glad to have back, warts and all, I found myself . . . period.
Go out and find yourself. Or hang in there for a year until you decide to. Or you could cut the learning curve short and start having fun today. Unless you aren't through grieving for alcohol. I never grieved. I spat on its grave. And smiled.
You see, the best revenge is living well.
I used AA and here on SR for the first three months, then just here once I was sure I made it. Let us know how your first meeting goes! I still stop by my home group to check in and see how all my friends are doing today, three years later. I have not, and am determined never to, had or will have a relapse.
I'm free thanks in large part to my friends here too. Post here a lot, read here a lot, help others once you are on your feet in your own sobriety, be free!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,393
Hi CP, welcome. I found early sobriety to be boring. It is a big adjustment. It takes time to develop new habits, find new interests. As your body heals, you can find joy again. For me it is a journey. Due to the increasing nature of the alcohol, I felt I had no choice. It is well worth the effort in time. Very best wishes to you CP.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: England
Posts: 329
You have to have faith in the system but also listen to what everyone else is saying. It will not happen overnight focus on what is important ie not drinking. Focus on that one thing above everything else. Don't confuse the issue and then see how you feel in three months. You have to give things a chance. I think you will be really suprised. I hope you stick around and take inspiration from the people on this site who are inspiring me on my journey.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Originally Posted by CP1992 
I'm going to AA for the first time in an hour. I'm just sick of embarrassing myself and being 'that guy' time and again. I have so many events that I was looking forward to that I look back on now with sad memories because I celebrated too much and embarrassed myself. I guess when your young, the life of the party, and a drunken fool it can be funny. As you get older, you feel like a jackass. I wince at some of my stupidity. I've tried to stop drinking before on my own but after a month or so, I'm back at it. Obviously I have the same concerns everyone does at the beginning but one of my biggest is how do I have fun without drinking. I don't even know how to do it anymore. I only really drink on weekends, work 60 hour weeks, coach sports, a single dad and all I do is think about Friday night and my first of many drinks for the weekend. That might be a slight exaggeration but you get my drift Did any of you have a tough time having fun? I'm easily bored and think drinking is just an activity to kill boredom and add excitement. I am willing to commit to not drinking but hope I can find excitement in sobriety. Some people will say go for a hike but that doesn't do it for me. Anyway, I hope the meeting goes well and I'm inspired for a better life. Being in a time warp and acting the same way as I did at 23 sucks. On paper, I look like I have a good life but my thoughts can't be consumed by drinking on the weekend. Most of all I Love God am am tired of being a hypocrite. Alcohol is a huge barrier to being closer to him
First you get sober and get used to the scenery..and bit by bit your passion and interests emerge organically. No need to force anything. For me, the first few months of staying sober is pretty all consuming.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,534
Hi CP, and welcome!
I totally get what you are saying about fearing being bored. Here's what I have experienced in the last month of being sober: just waking up without a hangover one day set me on a positive trajectory. My attitude improved and I was not as cynical and pessimistic. So I was more satisfied in my daily activities. So I was willing to consider doing stuff I wouldn't have done when I was drinking, like taking my kid to the playground after dinner. "It's a beautiful evening, we have time, let's go to the playground," as opposed to "if we go to the playground I will have to drive and I can't drive because I have had 3 drinks already so let's just stay home and you can watch tv and I will have another drink."
So for me, so far, sobriety has given me new perspective and opened up more time for things that appeal to me now which were not options when I was drinking. It's not like i have taken up some amazing new hobby, i just have more interest in doing "normal" things. I hope this makes sense!
And, like you, it feels good to know I am not being hypocritical as a Christian. Being hungover on Sunday morning at church is just not cool!
Best of luck to you!
I totally get what you are saying about fearing being bored. Here's what I have experienced in the last month of being sober: just waking up without a hangover one day set me on a positive trajectory. My attitude improved and I was not as cynical and pessimistic. So I was more satisfied in my daily activities. So I was willing to consider doing stuff I wouldn't have done when I was drinking, like taking my kid to the playground after dinner. "It's a beautiful evening, we have time, let's go to the playground," as opposed to "if we go to the playground I will have to drive and I can't drive because I have had 3 drinks already so let's just stay home and you can watch tv and I will have another drink."
So for me, so far, sobriety has given me new perspective and opened up more time for things that appeal to me now which were not options when I was drinking. It's not like i have taken up some amazing new hobby, i just have more interest in doing "normal" things. I hope this makes sense!
And, like you, it feels good to know I am not being hypocritical as a Christian. Being hungover on Sunday morning at church is just not cool!
Best of luck to you!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 1,730
CP, truth be told, finding sober things to do IS an adjustment. And it was a little difficult at first. It was a trade-off for me. I give up some of the things that I did when I was drunk and, in exchange, I don't have to worry about the myriad of stupid, self-destructive things that my being a drunk had caused. Being a single dad myself, I can tell you that the improvement in my relationship with my children, alone, has been worth it. And there are literally 100 other benefits that have resulted from my recent sobriety.
So, yes. You will have to make some adjustments. You will have to be a bit creative in filling your time with things that you enjoy. But really, when you weigh the pro's and con's of sobriety, it isn't even a close call. At least not for me.
I hope your AA meeting went well. Welcome to SR. I am glad you are here.
So, yes. You will have to make some adjustments. You will have to be a bit creative in filling your time with things that you enjoy. But really, when you weigh the pro's and con's of sobriety, it isn't even a close call. At least not for me.
I hope your AA meeting went well. Welcome to SR. I am glad you are here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 17
I went to my first meeting and wimped out and didn't admit it was my first meeting . I was a little freaked out at first because there were some people who didn't look so good in there. I'm not judging anyone or think I'm better than anyone but it caught me off guard. That sounds bad but im just being honest. I'm going to goto another meeting closer to my house tomorrow Thanks for your support and feedback. One guy said something that hit me. It's just an elevator that goes down and it's your choice when to get off. So true. By the grace of God, I've comeout Somewhat unscathed compared to others. However, there's no need to go Lower or hit bottom before I quit. It's a matter of time before I face a real crisis if I continue to spend the weekends how I do. Again being close to God is my number one priority and alcohol is by far the main thing that keeps me from him. I appreciate the advice and will continue posting. Atleast I'm not in denial. For once though I'm really ready to quit
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Welcome CP. You sound ready to turn your life around.
You're among friends who truly understand. I'm glad you want a better life for yourself without getting numb & foggy. What was once fun & exciting is now ruining our lives - & there's no going back. I'm so happy you've realized this. You can do it CP - we are here for you to talk it over with.
You're among friends who truly understand. I'm glad you want a better life for yourself without getting numb & foggy. What was once fun & exciting is now ruining our lives - & there's no going back. I'm so happy you've realized this. You can do it CP - we are here for you to talk it over with.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 17
I truly can't wait for the day when I yearn alcohol no more. It must be exciting to do things and not be consumed with your next drink. I pray one day ill look back and wonder how I fell so far as if to say 'what a waste'. Kind of like you find the answer to something but couldn't figure it out forever but are relieved you did. The anxiety of worrying about dumb things I did or said will be over. Best of luck to all of you in your journey.
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