so ready to be free
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: GA
Posts: 700
so ready to be free
hi there, I'm a 24 year old who's ready to quit alcohol. i recently came to the realization that I have not been honest with myself on how badly my alcohol intake had become. I binge drank in college and then when my parents cut off my tuition, it got worse. I had to move 8 hours back to my small hometown where it continued.
Almost a year and half ago I moved again 10 hours to georgia to be with my current boyfriend. he sort of introduced me to whiskey and the art of drinking daily. and now we are both sick of it. we've been going through the biggest bottle in two days. easily spending hundreds of dollars a month on it and then drinks when we go out too. It's seemed like I could drink glasses of it and not feel anything. When I would go a day without drinking (for example recently to apply for jobs) I would get shakes and it's kind of embarrassing in front of prospective employers. I felt like a crack addict. my boyfriend works out of town during the week and with no job and no friends down here, alcohol helps me feel less alone and helps me get to sleep (or pass out) when I'm afraid of being alone in the house at night.
yesterday was my real first attempt to not drink, even though I had the means to buy some. We had tried to switch to vodka just hoping we wouldn't drink as much of it, but no dice. with that gone, i just didn't buy any.
however last night I had a severe panic attack. I haven't had any anxiety issues for years but my father has paranoid schizoid disorder and last night I was positive I was going insane. It all started with a mouse in the house (3rd one) and then I thought I heard more. then I was sure there were tons of them in the cupboards the sink under the stove. i freaked out and tried to lay down with my boyfriend, thankfully home this week. I kept hearing things I knew weren't happening, seeing things with eyes open or closed. convinced myself there were mice living in the underneath of the bed. progressed to a feeling of choking, panic, apprehension and uncontrollable convulsing. even when i was able to breathe normally again, the panic and fear, noises and bugs on the ceiling kept me up for hours.
Definitely not asking for any medical advice. If I had health insurance I would see a doctor. I just hope these symptoms lessen. I hope I haven't ruined my brain and made a disorder that my dad has appear when it otherwise would have laid dormant.
By the way, I tried going to AA about a month ago. I felt extremely uncomfortable, there were a few people sleeping, a guy crying, and I was so afraid they were gonna come around the circle and I'd have to come up with something to say about the topic of the day. it was really depressing. Back then I was still drinking and I thought, "man if these people are this miserable from not drinking, why bother?" well I feel like I'm ready to be miserable. my gram is over 25 years sober and she also beat cigs and I'm going to make her my role model.
sorry for the book I just wrote.
Almost a year and half ago I moved again 10 hours to georgia to be with my current boyfriend. he sort of introduced me to whiskey and the art of drinking daily. and now we are both sick of it. we've been going through the biggest bottle in two days. easily spending hundreds of dollars a month on it and then drinks when we go out too. It's seemed like I could drink glasses of it and not feel anything. When I would go a day without drinking (for example recently to apply for jobs) I would get shakes and it's kind of embarrassing in front of prospective employers. I felt like a crack addict. my boyfriend works out of town during the week and with no job and no friends down here, alcohol helps me feel less alone and helps me get to sleep (or pass out) when I'm afraid of being alone in the house at night.
yesterday was my real first attempt to not drink, even though I had the means to buy some. We had tried to switch to vodka just hoping we wouldn't drink as much of it, but no dice. with that gone, i just didn't buy any.
however last night I had a severe panic attack. I haven't had any anxiety issues for years but my father has paranoid schizoid disorder and last night I was positive I was going insane. It all started with a mouse in the house (3rd one) and then I thought I heard more. then I was sure there were tons of them in the cupboards the sink under the stove. i freaked out and tried to lay down with my boyfriend, thankfully home this week. I kept hearing things I knew weren't happening, seeing things with eyes open or closed. convinced myself there were mice living in the underneath of the bed. progressed to a feeling of choking, panic, apprehension and uncontrollable convulsing. even when i was able to breathe normally again, the panic and fear, noises and bugs on the ceiling kept me up for hours.
Definitely not asking for any medical advice. If I had health insurance I would see a doctor. I just hope these symptoms lessen. I hope I haven't ruined my brain and made a disorder that my dad has appear when it otherwise would have laid dormant.
By the way, I tried going to AA about a month ago. I felt extremely uncomfortable, there were a few people sleeping, a guy crying, and I was so afraid they were gonna come around the circle and I'd have to come up with something to say about the topic of the day. it was really depressing. Back then I was still drinking and I thought, "man if these people are this miserable from not drinking, why bother?" well I feel like I'm ready to be miserable. my gram is over 25 years sober and she also beat cigs and I'm going to make her my role model.
sorry for the book I just wrote.
A Smart Bug is a Sober Bug!
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Hot and Muggy South Florida
Posts: 1,396
Please see a doctor before you quit. Detoxing is very hard on the body.
I am so glad for you - realizing the problem and coming to the decision to quit is great. Welcome to SR!!
I am so glad for you - realizing the problem and coming to the decision to quit is great. Welcome to SR!!
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Welcome to SR. Good of you to come to the decision to quit so early. Many of us, like me, knew in our 20s we had a drinking problem but waited many years to quit.
Ask your gram what she did to get sober and follow her advice. Is your boyfriend going to join you in sobriety?
Originally Posted by goodbyeevan 
...my gram is over 25 years sober and she also beat cigs and I'm going to make her my role model.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Uk
Posts: 1,190
Sorry you had such a bad night - I will tell you what I was advised when I wanted to stop drinking but had no access to a doctor. I was told not to suddenly stop but to half my normal consumption then so on over a period of days.
I'm only saying this as you said you have no insurance - so I'm guessing you've no way of even going to ER?
I'm only saying this as you said you have no insurance - so I'm guessing you've no way of even going to ER?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: GA
Posts: 700
Originally Posted by 13unluckyforsom
Sorry you had such a bad night - I will tell you what I was advised when I wanted to stop drinking but had no access to a doctor. I was told not to suddenly stop but to half my normal consumption then so on over a period of days.
I'm only saying this as you said you have no insurance - so I'm guessing you've no way of even going to ER?
I'm only saying this as you said you have no insurance - so I'm guessing you've no way of even going to ER?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Colorado
Posts: 355
goodbyeevan - I am fairly concerned. The mice infestation thing scared the heck out of me. I don't know where you are, but you should see if there are free clinics in the area. Especially for detox. And I think most ERs will take patients with life threatening symptoms. Detoxing with hallucinations probably qualifies. Please be well.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Hi and welcome goodbyeevan
Detox can be really dangerous for some of us - so dangerous it's best not to leave matters in our own hands, trying to taper, or waiting for things to get better, but to go seek professional help.
There are a lot of free or low cost clinics around - if there's one in your local area you might get some medical advice there?
Free/Low-Cost/Sliding-Scale Clinics
2-1-1 Call Center Search
The ER is also an option - I know money is a factor but how much value can you put on your life and well being?
D
Detox can be really dangerous for some of us - so dangerous it's best not to leave matters in our own hands, trying to taper, or waiting for things to get better, but to go seek professional help.
There are a lot of free or low cost clinics around - if there's one in your local area you might get some medical advice there?
Free/Low-Cost/Sliding-Scale Clinics
The 10377 clinics in this database are free, low cost, low cost with a sliding scale based on income, or offer some type of financial assistance.
2-1-1 provides free and confidential information and referral. Call 2-1-1 for help with food, housing, employment, health care, counseling and more. Learn more about your local 2-1-1 by looking it up here.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: GA
Posts: 700
I am in tears reading this. Completely forgot that I ever made this thread... 24 years old... the year before I got my DUI... I wonder how my life would be different had I stuck with SR back then. Or given AA a decent chance. The regret is pouring into my heart. I just want this problem to be removed from us. I don't want anyone to keep living in misery for so long. We don't deserve it.
back to SR Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
GBE - I can do the same thing and look back at my posts from 2013, we both joined the same year. But like Jay-Z says, gotta learn to live with regrets. Ha.
I don't think looking back does anything for us unless it spurs us to further action. You are still young at 28 and have so much of your life, all of your adult life, ahead of you. Make that life sober and something to be proud of.
Always good to see you on SR.
I don't think looking back does anything for us unless it spurs us to further action. You are still young at 28 and have so much of your life, all of your adult life, ahead of you. Make that life sober and something to be proud of.
Always good to see you on SR.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: East Coast
Posts: 853
Wow! I started reading this and was so confused because it didn't square with how you sound now goodbyeevan, and what I know about you and your sobriety. Really intense stuff. I can see now what a long journey it has been for you. You are such an inspiration here on SR!
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