Insignifigant

Not really sure what to post. It's a really bad night for me.

Happier

Well, you are always welcome here. Lots of people here that can relate with many a "bad night". Sometimes the difference between a really bad night and a better tomorrow is only a few hours.

ZoeM

Welcome Insignifigant

Insignifigant

Thanks. It would be nice to believe in a better tomorrow again.

ZoeM

Do you feel you want to tell us what's happening with you at the moment?

Happier

It can happen. Keep reading and posting. I think you will find quite a few people on here that have managed to crawl out of a pretty deep and dark place. We can get better

Insignifigant

Just been through a lot of bad things in life and my marriage the last 10 years. Always trying to be what everyone needed and not having anyone there for me. Lost everything a few months ago because I couldnt make it on my own with the kids and something just broke in me. tonight it is worse than ever. Just struggling with the will to live.

Ge7ea

I'm kind of in the same boat. I am not able to sleep. Not more than an hour at a time. I have tried numerous times to quit on my own to no avail. I know that life can have more value. I feel better and I am better without putting the poison in my body. I must be committed to sobriety or accept defeat. The latter is not an option anymore. A close friend recently told me that I've lived defeated for some time. That hurt to hear and I don't want that as my reality any longer.

ZoeM

Insig... maybe it's time to stop thinking of others (which is an admirable trait by the way) and start thinking of yourself for a little while Stay with the forum - you'll have literally thousands of people caring about you x

Ge7 - Sleep will come, give it time

Happier

I agree with ZoeM. Usually need to get ourselves healthy and in a good place first. That is a better place from which to help others too. Keep reading. I bet you will quickly find that you are not alone. The site is slow now, but there is usually a lot if activity at other times. People from all time zones and across the world on here.....most battling a common enemy. Hope you will stick around and become a part of the group. We all learn and benefit from each other.

Same for you ge7ea. Welcome!


As for me.....I am getting very sleepy. Hope to see you both around tomorrow and/or the coming days.

ZoeM

Yes, it's that crazy time of the day - Brits are just waking up, Aussies are making their tea/dinner and the USA is asleep. It soons livens up

13unluckyforsom

I can't add much to what everyone else has said but - your name troubles me - you are not insignificant in any way shape or form and I hope that's not how you see yourself.

Stick around here - don't be afraid to say 'I'm having a **** day' and let it all out - chances are most of us will relate to what you say. I hope you start to turn the corner soon and I bet also you could offer us lot some help too by your experiences.

13unluckyforsom

Few more coffees before I liven up Zoe Lol!! Morning

ZoeM

Me too Emily lol xxxxxx

Insignifigant

Thanks. Maybe It will be ok eventually. As for the name, yeah, That pretty much sums up how I feel at this point.

13unluckyforsom

But your not - even if there's no one in your life right now who you think values you - value YOU - the alcohol only makes you feel worse in the long run but I believe everyone has something to offer to life. You sound like rock bottom and sometimes that's where you have to get to before you can help yourself. I know that I did. It's a horrid way to feel but - do you have a doctor? I think step one is to find a professional to speak to. You can't do this by yourself.

13unluckyforsom

Just because it all looks like crap just now doesn't mean that you can't fix it again - any things achievable - it won't happen over night you have to do the hard work and making amends and asking for help and admitting you are a mess is very hard but people will respect you for it. Not everyone will understand - my partner thought that it was a simple choice that you drink or you didn't. He couldn't get it in his head that its an illness and it was never really me he was Seing. Anyway I'm rambling I just don't want you to feel alone cos this forum is brilliant. You don't have to keep it all inside.

mecanix

Hello and welcome Insig ,

When i got sober i decided to give my sober life a chance for at least as long as the drunken one before making any conclusions . Got another 18 years to go ...

Feelings do change with time , all things come to pass .

If giving up drinking has exposed some depression then maybe some help will be needed .

When i gave up it meant i had to start dealing with life again , the good and the bad , i reconed it's given to us in day sized chunks for a reason ..

One foot infront of the other and i started making progress, dealing with stuff , tiny steps is fine , none of my dirt was going anywhere fast but i was'nt making it worse by drinking ..

Bestwishes, m

Insignifigant

Thank you all. Today is a better day, my abuse wasn't alcohol but drugs. I spent years trying to help loved ones getting clean and pretty much was a save the world kind of person. I had messed around with drugs at a younger age so I understood what they were going thtough and had faith in them even when they didn't. I was Raising 3 of my own kids with no help and spent a lot of time raising other kids as well. I married an addict and things got crazy in my life at that point. He was constantly running off, cheating, lying, everything that comes with being a hardcore addict but I refused to give up on him. He really had noone but me as a constant in his life. Throughout 10 years together, I have gained another stepson, dealt with physical abuse on top of everything else, lost all of my friends. It's been crazy but he actually got clean and stayed clean for years. His problem ran deeper than drugs, he is also a runner. He can't cope with stress. In turn, It changed me and probably not for the better. The last time he left ( a few months ago ) everything finally fell apart, he hadn't paid the rent so I was behind, the electric bill was 500.00, I had to buy food to feed our kids, all with money I didn't have and no help. Our youngest son fell apart and I had to miss work with him so I lost my job, we lost the house and then I messed up and got a DUI when I let the girls talk me into a night away. I am disapointed in myself more than anyone else ever could be. Since then my husband is home and has actually worked harder than ever to pull things together for our family and be supportive to me but my reality is something broke in me and I have not been ok. I don't want to get out of the bed most days, I can't even look at our kids most days because I failed them, I have no trust or faith in my husband most days so I push him away, and on a good day? I get high and turn into the exact person I was trying to save. I feel as if I have lost everything. I worked so hard to be this good person, I was a great mom, I loved everyone and would help anyone I could. Not 1 person I helped wanted to help me when I fell apart. Not a shoulder to lean on or anything. It was just too much for me to handle. Or maybe I was just too tired. I just know I have been lost and can't seem to find a way out anymore. I don't like myself at all right now even clean. I feel like a failure and yeah, insignifigant. I don't matter to them. I was there for everyone of them, raising their kids, bonding them out of jail, playing savior when they were coming down, anything they needed really and still working 12 hours a day and dealing with my own problems. I am angry at life. I did good things, I was a good person and this is where I ended up. I didn't even turn to drugs myself until we had lost everything. I have good days, and by good days, I mean I can smile, I can get out of the bed, I can talk to my kids without wanting to just end my life for failing them, and I can still see the good in life. Jist not many anymore. So that is a small portion of who I am. Sorry it's so long.

Lightning Bug

Does it feel good to get all of the burdens off your shoulders for just a moment? It helps me to write things out - and it is especially helpful to post here. I am glad you did. I don't want to call you Insignificant because you are NOT.

Welcome.