Seeking advice
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 42
Seeking advice
Hi, I'm new here. I posted on the Newcomers forum, but this is my first time on this forum.
I am about 2 yrs sober and in AA. I run three meetings a week, and attend another two. I have a sponsor and have worked the steps.
My mother's church has a mission trip planned for August. I was not planning to go but this week someone cancelled so they have an opening and the Pastor called and asked if I would like to go. I have been feeling lonely and lost lately and thought that going on this trip, with a group, and a focus of helping others might be just the thing.
I brought it up to my sponsor and she pointed out that going (it lasts two weeks) will mean missing meetings. She is NOT afraid I will drink again, but she points out that I run three meetings, so that is a responsibility I will be backing out on. There are others from my church at those meetings, they are held in our church, who are happy to step in.
She also says she wonders if being away for two weeks will get me out of the habit of meetings, and make me less likely to go to them when I return.
I don't feel that is likely. I have never shirked on meetings. She said to think about it and pray about it, and I thought I would ask for input here as well.
Thank you
I am about 2 yrs sober and in AA. I run three meetings a week, and attend another two. I have a sponsor and have worked the steps.
My mother's church has a mission trip planned for August. I was not planning to go but this week someone cancelled so they have an opening and the Pastor called and asked if I would like to go. I have been feeling lonely and lost lately and thought that going on this trip, with a group, and a focus of helping others might be just the thing.
I brought it up to my sponsor and she pointed out that going (it lasts two weeks) will mean missing meetings. She is NOT afraid I will drink again, but she points out that I run three meetings, so that is a responsibility I will be backing out on. There are others from my church at those meetings, they are held in our church, who are happy to step in.
She also says she wonders if being away for two weeks will get me out of the habit of meetings, and make me less likely to go to them when I return.
I don't feel that is likely. I have never shirked on meetings. She said to think about it and pray about it, and I thought I would ask for input here as well.
Thank you
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Oregon
Posts: 1,348
Well, with only (just under) two years myself, I hesitate to give any advice. That disclaimer made, I see no reason why you couldn't go. AA is a huge part of our lives, but it can't be EVERYTHING. I would hope that being away from meetings for only two weeks wouldn't steer you off that path for good. Maybe you can promise your sponsor to check into some online meetings. Or devote a full hour every single day to Big Book study/step work.
What a wonderful opportunity! Take care
What a wonderful opportunity! Take care
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 42
Thank you,
AA IS my sponsor's whole life, so I think that is why she sees it that way. When she goes on a trip she comes back and talks about all the AA meetings she went to and the great AA people she met. Most of her trips are to AA conventions or meet ups. She only dates and marries AA men
She stresses that recovery has to be the most important priority in my life. She thinks that by doing this trip I am trying to put the church first...and she quoted the BB on how some people drift out the door on a cloud of religion. Something like that.
I really don't feel like that is what I am doing. I haven't done anything like this since I got sober, but there has to be a first time, right? There will be NO drinking on this trip, so that is not an issue.
AA IS my sponsor's whole life, so I think that is why she sees it that way. When she goes on a trip she comes back and talks about all the AA meetings she went to and the great AA people she met. Most of her trips are to AA conventions or meet ups. She only dates and marries AA men
She stresses that recovery has to be the most important priority in my life. She thinks that by doing this trip I am trying to put the church first...and she quoted the BB on how some people drift out the door on a cloud of religion. Something like that.
I really don't feel like that is what I am doing. I haven't done anything like this since I got sober, but there has to be a first time, right? There will be NO drinking on this trip, so that is not an issue.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: FL
Posts: 698
I'm a little confused as to what "I run three meetings" means. Chairing a meeting is a service all group members should be willing to share. A group shouldn't be dependent on one member to "run a meeting." If your concerned the meeting can't "run" without you, In my humble opinion, it sounds like it's time for you to take a break!!
I'd go on the mission trip. It's not helpful to your program to avoid an opportunity to serve on a mission trip, out of fear or false pride. We recovery to be of service to society not to "run meetings."
I'd go on the mission trip. It's not helpful to your program to avoid an opportunity to serve on a mission trip, out of fear or false pride. We recovery to be of service to society not to "run meetings."
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 42
Oh, by running the meetings, I mean that I unlock, make the coffee, clean up and lock up. They are in my church and they don't let people who are not church members have keys. I chair the Mon meeting, but not the others. There are other AA members in my church so when I am not there there are people who will set up, etc. I miss a few meetings a month to take my mother to her appts. and there are always people happy to step in.
My sponsor said to pray about it and make my own decision, but she has made it clear she is against my going. She has also said a few times that if a person isn't interested in listening to their sponsor maybe they are not willing to go to any lengths. Things like that. So I feel that if I do choose to go she will no longer care to sponsor me.
My sponsor said to pray about it and make my own decision, but she has made it clear she is against my going. She has also said a few times that if a person isn't interested in listening to their sponsor maybe they are not willing to go to any lengths. Things like that. So I feel that if I do choose to go she will no longer care to sponsor me.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: De
Posts: 1,333
I got sober to live life, not live in AA. Service work for me includes not only the still suffering alcoholic, but everything in this big beautiful world we live in. For me 2 years in I had to shift a lot of my time I spent doing AA things to that of going to college full time things, the later work, family, etc., etc. I eventually found a balance with my life participating with life, and life in the fellowship.
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
My understanding is that a sponsor's role is to lead us through the steps.
I think it makes sense to run big decisions past them etc, and to consider what they offer, but then the decision is up to us. Which sounds like what your sponsor is saying...except then it sounds like she's also hinting that she will drop you if you don't do what she says, or is implying you are not committed if you dont listen to HER. So...who is the HP, the sponsor, or your HP.
In another thread here Db1105 shared that is why the program tells us to put our trust in our HP, not in people. Maybe that applies here.
I think it makes sense to run big decisions past them etc, and to consider what they offer, but then the decision is up to us. Which sounds like what your sponsor is saying...except then it sounds like she's also hinting that she will drop you if you don't do what she says, or is implying you are not committed if you dont listen to HER. So...who is the HP, the sponsor, or your HP.
In another thread here Db1105 shared that is why the program tells us to put our trust in our HP, not in people. Maybe that applies here.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: FL
Posts: 698
Originally Posted by dripdry 
Oh, by running the meetings, I mean that I unlock, make the coffee, clean up and lock up. They are in my church and they don't let people who are not church members have keys. I chair the Mon meeting, but not the others. There are other AA members in my church so when I am not there there are people who will set up, etc. I miss a few meetings a month to take my mother to her appts. and there are always people happy to step in.
My sponsor said to pray about it and make my own decision, but she has made it clear she is against my going. She has also said a few times that if a person isn't interested in listening to their sponsor maybe they are not willing to go to any lengths. Things like that. So I feel that if I do choose to go she will no longer care to sponsor me.
My sponsor said to pray about it and make my own decision, but she has made it clear she is against my going. She has also said a few times that if a person isn't interested in listening to their sponsor maybe they are not willing to go to any lengths. Things like that. So I feel that if I do choose to go she will no longer care to sponsor me.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: northern virginia
Posts: 535
"to thine own self be true"
that's all i got, but it seems appropriate. you work a strong program (thanks for all you do for your groups, by the way!), you seem well centered, and this retreat sounds like something that is 1) not dangerous to your recovery, and 2) something you really want to do.
according to my sponsor (and my own beliefs), RECOVERY/SOBRIETY is the first priority... not necessarily AA itself. if you can protect your recovery and get others to help out with the meetings while you're away, go for it!
that's all i got, but it seems appropriate. you work a strong program (thanks for all you do for your groups, by the way!), you seem well centered, and this retreat sounds like something that is 1) not dangerous to your recovery, and 2) something you really want to do.
according to my sponsor (and my own beliefs), RECOVERY/SOBRIETY is the first priority... not necessarily AA itself. if you can protect your recovery and get others to help out with the meetings while you're away, go for it!
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: atlanta ga
Posts: 69
I would seriously think about getting another sponsor
now that is just me but a sponsor is not there to take over our life
and it sounds like maybe your sponsor does not have much of one outside of AA??
I do service work outside of AA not just 12th step work AA got me back in life
as some one said AA is not my whole like
your trip sounds great and if you want to go then you need to go
but if your sponsor is whipping you with guilt because you dare to think with out them I would have to move on
but of course I am me and not you
I have had sponsors like that and it did not work
good luck
now that is just me but a sponsor is not there to take over our life
and it sounds like maybe your sponsor does not have much of one outside of AA??
I do service work outside of AA not just 12th step work AA got me back in life
as some one said AA is not my whole like
your trip sounds great and if you want to go then you need to go
but if your sponsor is whipping you with guilt because you dare to think with out them I would have to move on
but of course I am me and not you
I have had sponsors like that and it did not work
good luck
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by dripdry
I run three meetings a week, and attend another two.
that is a responsibility I will be backing out on
could be a once in a lifetime thing
others can fill in for you at the meetings
Mountainman
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 2,408
I am laughing to myself because I have just emerged from a whole "too much recovery?" phase of my own recovery (which is also passed 2 years) where I soaked myself in the program and am now drying off a bit...and when I read your post I thought to myself "wow,that's a bit much!"
I have to concur with what has been said so far. My first thought too was that when it comes to any decisions, I check my motives and search counsel with my HP. My sponsor nor do my meetings keep me sober. It's my connection to the Creator and keeping recovery as part of my (balanced) life. Meetings will go fine without you. What if you were sick? would they shut the meeting down?
you sound like you're coming from a good place...enjoy life, enjoy the trip. Bring your BB. Nothing wrong with commitments and service work - but no need to be chained to them. I can't comment on your sponsor - don't know her nor do I know the whole story. But remember we aren't married to them and we do grow in different ways. Follow your own path and pray for guidance on this.
I have to concur with what has been said so far. My first thought too was that when it comes to any decisions, I check my motives and search counsel with my HP. My sponsor nor do my meetings keep me sober. It's my connection to the Creator and keeping recovery as part of my (balanced) life. Meetings will go fine without you. What if you were sick? would they shut the meeting down?
you sound like you're coming from a good place...enjoy life, enjoy the trip. Bring your BB. Nothing wrong with commitments and service work - but no need to be chained to them. I can't comment on your sponsor - don't know her nor do I know the whole story. But remember we aren't married to them and we do grow in different ways. Follow your own path and pray for guidance on this.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by paul99
Meetings will go fine without you. What if you were sick? would they shut the meeting down?
you sound like you're coming from a good place...enjoy life, enjoy the trip.
Bring your BB
I can't comment on your sponsor
But remember we aren't married to them
yes in the beginning I was immersed in the Program every day for many hours
I was in a deep fog and staying sober was all that counted in life
but with some sober time under our belts
we need to branch out and live a little
we must remember -- that's why we got sober -- to live life
Mountainman
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
I agree with the consensus here, and the trip sounds like a great opportunity. I think we all need to have a change of scenery once in a while and it sounds like it's coming at a good time for you.
When I read your post I was thinking wow, even CEO's and presidents are allowed to take vacation...
When I read your post I was thinking wow, even CEO's and presidents are allowed to take vacation...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 42
Originally Posted by ersatzmatriarch
according to my sponsor (and my own beliefs), RECOVERY/SOBRIETY is the first priority... not necessarily AA itself.
I have just equated recovery and AA all along and never considered that other things in my life can be part of my recovery. My sponsor's words really had me thinking that by not attending a few weeks of AA meetings I was turning my back on recovery, but when I read this I see that this trip can be part of it, even enhance it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 42
Thank you everyone for all your thoughtful words.
I went to my noon meeting today and some of the AA people there who are in my church had heard that I'd been asked to do the mission. They asked me if I was going to go and I said I was still thinking about it but leaning towards going.
After the meeting Pastor approached me. He needed an answer because if I don't go he wanted time to offer it to another and give them time to make arrangements. So I said yes!
I felt very nervous, until I came here and read the further replies and I feel I really did the right thing, and I am looking forward to the trip without guilt.
I will see my sponsor tomorrow morning at a meeting and will share my decision with her.
I'm very glad I brought this issue here for extra input.
I went to my noon meeting today and some of the AA people there who are in my church had heard that I'd been asked to do the mission. They asked me if I was going to go and I said I was still thinking about it but leaning towards going.
After the meeting Pastor approached me. He needed an answer because if I don't go he wanted time to offer it to another and give them time to make arrangements. So I said yes!
I felt very nervous, until I came here and read the further replies and I feel I really did the right thing, and I am looking forward to the trip without guilt.
I will see my sponsor tomorrow morning at a meeting and will share my decision with her.
I'm very glad I brought this issue here for extra input.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Zion, Illinois
Posts: 3,411
AA isn' my life. It's my WAY of life, along with my church which I was led to by one of my AA sponsors. He was really sneaky....Ha!
I'm not going to give advice, just make a suggestion. Sounds like you would like to go on this mission trip and I believe God puts these opportunities in our paths for a reason. The Big Book states that we don't go to risky places without a good reason to be there. If you believe you have a good reason and your motives are honest, you'll be fine.
I'm not going to give advice, just make a suggestion. Sounds like you would like to go on this mission trip and I believe God puts these opportunities in our paths for a reason. The Big Book states that we don't go to risky places without a good reason to be there. If you believe you have a good reason and your motives are honest, you'll be fine.
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