my dry drunk mother is giving me the silent treatment
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my dry drunk mother is giving me the silent treatment
I have prediabetes, she has diabetes, my birthday is coming up, I have found a food plan that allows me to manage my prediabetes without metformin, I have learned to eat that way all the time, I support her in eating whatever she wants, but she is a dry drunk so that is of course not enough.
I am supposed to PICK OUT WHAT FLAVOR CAKE I WANT SO SHE CAN MAKE IT FOR ME. Because my birthday is her CAKE EATING OPPORTUNITY. One would think this is all she has left to live for.
Oh, and if I had to pick? Chocolate. But my dad, who does like cake and does not have diabetes and can actually eat cake without consequences, cannot have chocolate in the evening (bad for his acid reflux).
I do not want to eat cake. It is fine if it is served. If I have even one slice, my blood sugar will test in the danger zone for 2-3 days before the fasting level drops back to the healthy range. I know this because I test, because I've tracked what happens to my body after a single splurge. I accepted it and moved on to the happy world of sugar free desserts. I have been eating them so long, I actually like them. And thanks to the laxative effects of the fake sugar, I don't have to take medication for my IBS, which family stress triggers. YAY!
I don't eat cake, and I don't have to take metformin, and for me this is a good deal. Other people take metformin and eat cake and yay, that is good too. It's all good.
I offered the possibility of an ice cream social instead-- she can buy whatever kinds of ice cream and toppings she wants, I can make sugarfree ice cream with sugar free chocolate chunks in the ice cream machine. That suggestion pissed her off even more, because we are supposed to eat cake together and damn the consequences.
It's my birthday and I somehow want it to be enough about me that I don't have to hurt myself just to get along with her. I told her I was fine with her making whatever kind of cake she liked! People will eat it! I don't want people to have to eat my fake sugar concoctions, that would be cruel!
So, if you made it this far, feel free to wish me an early happy birthday and leave me ludicrous cake flavor suggestions below. Maybe a pound-your-head-against-a-wall cake, with a topping of whipped SCREAM?
I am supposed to PICK OUT WHAT FLAVOR CAKE I WANT SO SHE CAN MAKE IT FOR ME. Because my birthday is her CAKE EATING OPPORTUNITY. One would think this is all she has left to live for.
Oh, and if I had to pick? Chocolate. But my dad, who does like cake and does not have diabetes and can actually eat cake without consequences, cannot have chocolate in the evening (bad for his acid reflux).
I do not want to eat cake. It is fine if it is served. If I have even one slice, my blood sugar will test in the danger zone for 2-3 days before the fasting level drops back to the healthy range. I know this because I test, because I've tracked what happens to my body after a single splurge. I accepted it and moved on to the happy world of sugar free desserts. I have been eating them so long, I actually like them. And thanks to the laxative effects of the fake sugar, I don't have to take medication for my IBS, which family stress triggers. YAY!
I don't eat cake, and I don't have to take metformin, and for me this is a good deal. Other people take metformin and eat cake and yay, that is good too. It's all good.
I offered the possibility of an ice cream social instead-- she can buy whatever kinds of ice cream and toppings she wants, I can make sugarfree ice cream with sugar free chocolate chunks in the ice cream machine. That suggestion pissed her off even more, because we are supposed to eat cake together and damn the consequences.
It's my birthday and I somehow want it to be enough about me that I don't have to hurt myself just to get along with her. I told her I was fine with her making whatever kind of cake she liked! People will eat it! I don't want people to have to eat my fake sugar concoctions, that would be cruel!
So, if you made it this far, feel free to wish me an early happy birthday and leave me ludicrous cake flavor suggestions below. Maybe a pound-your-head-against-a-wall cake, with a topping of whipped SCREAM?
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Join Date: Mar 2013
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Happy early Birthday!
It's funny that you mention this story because I had a small fight with my dad over birthday cakes once when I was in high school. I'm from a small town and I wanted to have key lime pie for my bday. Well, my dad doesn't like key lime pie so he drove 20 miles to get the usual ice cream cake from DQ that he just had to have for every bday. Didn't matter what I wanted as long as he got his ice cream cake he had hoped for.
So I totally understand why you are annoyed by this situation. It seems like a small matter and that it shouldn't bother you so much, but that's kind of the point. It's something so small, something that should be yours, and they can't just give you that little bit. I'm sorry she's giving you the silent treatment over the whole situation. It's also frustrating that she is ignoring your wish to stay healthy. Maybe a small part of her is trying to do something nice for you.
Hopefully it's still a good party!
It's funny that you mention this story because I had a small fight with my dad over birthday cakes once when I was in high school. I'm from a small town and I wanted to have key lime pie for my bday. Well, my dad doesn't like key lime pie so he drove 20 miles to get the usual ice cream cake from DQ that he just had to have for every bday. Didn't matter what I wanted as long as he got his ice cream cake he had hoped for.
So I totally understand why you are annoyed by this situation. It seems like a small matter and that it shouldn't bother you so much, but that's kind of the point. It's something so small, something that should be yours, and they can't just give you that little bit. I'm sorry she's giving you the silent treatment over the whole situation. It's also frustrating that she is ignoring your wish to stay healthy. Maybe a small part of her is trying to do something nice for you.
Hopefully it's still a good party!
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Join Date: Sep 2011
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What sweeteners do you use? Can you use Xylitol or Sugar free coffee syrups?
I just made a chocolate in the cup cake today. Will pm the recipe for you to see if it fits your plan, or if you can alter it.
Happy Birthday, stick to your guns, she will get over it and if she doesn't you will
I just made a chocolate in the cup cake today. Will pm the recipe for you to see if it fits your plan, or if you can alter it.
Happy Birthday, stick to your guns, she will get over it and if she doesn't you will
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I don't have much to add to this one, except... what kinds of sugar-free desserts do you like? Suggestions appreciated! I'm not diabetic and am pretty light these days, but have found that cutting carbs makes me feel better -- less hungry, and not feeling like my innards are full of junk all the time!
T
T
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Thank you for responding!
When I first went low carb, I really focused on mastering desserts because I've always had a sweet tooth and also was compulsive with food. I needed to learn to eat so I wouldn't hurt myself. I did truffles and puddings and jellos (of whatever flavors) and tried all kinds of no sugar added ice cream and candy.
Three years later I tend to make ice cream if I am going to make something, and have no sugar added chocolate bars as a easy thing with coffee for dessert that I can just go buy.
Recently there are microwave muffin recipes I haven't tried yet, ask Kialua... they look wonderful and have heard they are really yummy.
If you can still eat moderate sugar/flour/fruit etc. I am not sure I would bother with this. It is not low calorie, it is not about weight loss, just blood sugar stability. The substitutes will not taste good if you are still used to getting real sugar. But if you are off sugar etc. your tastes change and they are really nice.
Dolce7, thank you for your story! I wonder how many adult child birthday cake stories are out there.
When I first went low carb, I really focused on mastering desserts because I've always had a sweet tooth and also was compulsive with food. I needed to learn to eat so I wouldn't hurt myself. I did truffles and puddings and jellos (of whatever flavors) and tried all kinds of no sugar added ice cream and candy.
Three years later I tend to make ice cream if I am going to make something, and have no sugar added chocolate bars as a easy thing with coffee for dessert that I can just go buy.
Recently there are microwave muffin recipes I haven't tried yet, ask Kialua... they look wonderful and have heard they are really yummy.
If you can still eat moderate sugar/flour/fruit etc. I am not sure I would bother with this. It is not low calorie, it is not about weight loss, just blood sugar stability. The substitutes will not taste good if you are still used to getting real sugar. But if you are off sugar etc. your tastes change and they are really nice.
Dolce7, thank you for your story! I wonder how many adult child birthday cake stories are out there.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
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Ask her to make a diabetic sugar free cake for you.
She will of course start quacking. Just say, "You asked me what I wanted, that is what I want. You are free to make it, or not, If you make what you want I won't be offended."
She will of course start quacking. Just say, "You asked me what I wanted, that is what I want. You are free to make it, or not, If you make what you want I won't be offended."
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(the exact type that you want served)
Originally Posted by Reedling 
I offered the possibility of an ice cream social instead
maybe for this time let's just do both
ice cream for you (the exact type that you want served)
and
let them do whatever they wish regarding the cake
it is your birthday -- let's just get along on this one day OK
don't let anyone mess up your special day
ice cream for you (the exact type that you want served)
and
let them do whatever they wish regarding the cake
it is your birthday -- let's just get along on this one day OK
don't let anyone mess up your special day
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: South USA
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Happy birthday!! I'm sorry you've got such a cake drama. Geeze! Ask for a pie maybe that will cause her to chill. My mom grew up with alcoholic parents and is forever driving me crazy. Serenity Now!!!!
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This morning, after venting to and with you all lovely people, I picked a cake flavor based on who else is likely to attend that evening. She is happy. I will be happy watching them eat cake they will like on my behalf.
I will prob. make sugarfree icecream that I can have, as usually she offers ice cream along the cake, so it will fit the ritual form.
Now there will be a power struggle about the dinner menu, unless I can brain a way to forestall that. Let's hope I get another intuitive bolt from the blue. The family plan will be to get A sibling up at 6am to fire up smoker to do BBQ. This is a lovely plan unless he is on a bender, in which case I will want to leave the premises whether it is my birthday or not, and the drama potential is high.
It takes an A family to make this kind of mess out of classic gestures of thoughtfulness-- baking someone a cake, cooking someone dinner!
I will prob. make sugarfree icecream that I can have, as usually she offers ice cream along the cake, so it will fit the ritual form.
Now there will be a power struggle about the dinner menu, unless I can brain a way to forestall that. Let's hope I get another intuitive bolt from the blue. The family plan will be to get A sibling up at 6am to fire up smoker to do BBQ. This is a lovely plan unless he is on a bender, in which case I will want to leave the premises whether it is my birthday or not, and the drama potential is high.
It takes an A family to make this kind of mess out of classic gestures of thoughtfulness-- baking someone a cake, cooking someone dinner!
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Originally Posted by Reedling
It takes an A family to make this kind of mess out of classic gestures of thoughtfulness-- baking someone a cake, cooking someone dinner!
The good news is, you know it's them, and not you. It's nice of you to share your Birthday with them. Focus on the good parts. I assume there are some good parts.
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Originally Posted by Reedling
This is a lovely plan unless he is on a bender, in which case I will want to leave the premises
sometimes we have to step out for a while
usually only takes a short time for us to realize
by the grace of God there go I
usually only takes a short time for us to realize
by the grace of God there go I
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Originally Posted by Reedling
Mracoa, yes exactly. If it weren't for the dark funny in these things, at times I'd have no funny at all!
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Originally Posted by Mountainmanbob
sometimes we have to step out for a while
usually only takes a short time for us to realize
by the grace of God there go I
usually only takes a short time for us to realize
by the grace of God there go I
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Originally Posted by Reedling
He's dangerous/violent. So after I realize that, I also realize I need to stay stepped out until he sobers up.
sorry I didn't realize the drama going on there
the guys dangerous and violent
wow
if he does get drunk
yes best to stay far away from that
I'm sorry that you are having to deal with all this
Mountainman
the guys dangerous and violent
wow
if he does get drunk
yes best to stay far away from that
I'm sorry that you are having to deal with all this
Mountainman
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It's kind of the Russian roulette feature of family gatherings. The prevailing family culture is that I am a precious princess because I can no longer handle watching him slam and mangle body parts in doors and attempt to run down my mother with car.
The funniest thing he ever did in a binge blackout was dump a bowl of thick bean soup down my back. He tripped coming around the dinner table. I know... I should have dodged!
The funniest thing he ever did in a binge blackout was dump a bowl of thick bean soup down my back. He tripped coming around the dinner table. I know... I should have dodged!
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thank you for your humorous take on what is too real life to believe. i am in no contact as i told some unpleasant truths (without knowing it...i am the 'one' who always names the elephant in the room) without know what, where, where or how I said it...and, oh...my particular talent that I didn't know I had until I was scapegoated. Ah well...enjoy your birthday and I am interested in your take on no sweets desserts...great ideas...something for me to follow up on! God Bless!
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Thank you all for the support. Mom decided to try and make a very low carb cake, and it was good, and even the sugar eaters liked it. Family behavior fell within civilized parameters. I was fortunate and grateful. And mostly sane myself thanks to this program.
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