idonys

Hi

I would consider myself a problem drinker rather than an alcoholic.

I don't drink to falling down drunk and I don't drink every day. Last year, for example I set a challenge of being dry for 6 months and lasted the distance.

However, I find that I struggle to relax without alcohol, and I find that alcohol impaire me mentally for days afterwards - mental fogginess at best and out and out bleak despair at it's worst. I have quite a high pressure "thinking" job and am sensitive to depression so I'd rather not rely on it.

My alternatives are meditation and valerian. Unfortunately meditation requires days and weeks for discipline for the benefits to start to show, and I can't take valerian until bed time. With alcohol I can get an immediate wind down but still function in terms of chores etc in the evening. So I find myself cracking open the wine and then that's me drinking for 2 evenings at least (I try not to drink a whole bottle a night, aiming for no more than a half to 1/3 of a bottle - so it's 2 days/nights per bottle).

Anna

Right now it's two days per bottle, but you know that alcoholism is a progressive disease and it will worsen.

I don't think putting in a few days or even weeks to see benefits from meditation is too much. It's a very healthy way to calm yourself. Exercise also is very beneficial and for me, listening to music helps a lot.

Jsober

I understand- alcohol was my stress reliever, medication, and instant mood changer. Healthier ways of coping with life I have found are exercise, taking breaks when possible, meditation- deep breaths. And I am working on mindfulness. I'm sure you will get some good suggestions on here.

Crossfitdad

Exercise! Exercise! I do crossfit...and it has it's issues and problems, but trust me, after a workout I hurt too much to be stressed.

GracieLou

First, Welcome to SR.

I am not sure I understand your post. You don't have a problem with alcohol. You only use it to relax? Am I right? You are looking for alternate ways to relax other than alcohol?

Yet you posted on a message board called SoberRecovery.

Sounds like you may think you have a problem with alcohol.

Soberpotamus

I would say please do not wait until you find the perfect way to relax before you quit drinking. Drinking creates anxiety. I read all the time how many people have come to realize that their anxiety cleared up when they achieved a certain amount of sober time. Not that we won't ever be anxiety free, we are human and will always have it... but learning the appropriate ways to cope with life can't happen when we are constantly flooding our brain and body with a substance that circumvents and then sabotages the whole emotional regulation system.

hypochondriac

To me this is the mental side of addiction. Your drinking could be worse but it is still too much, but the real problem is that you seem to think you need it to relax. It's a common misconception but a misconception nonetheless. Y'know what helps with relaxing... relaxing Meditation and valerian are not your only options. You could watch a film, read a book, go for a walk, pet a dog, have a bath... there are a ton of tried and tested methods of relaxing which don't involve ingesting a toxin. A lot of them aid natural sleep too. There is a period of adjustment in recovery though, it takes time to learn better habits and learn how to relax naturally. I used to be just like you and claim I needed alcohol to help me sleep and help de-stress (I also used to hold up a few weeks I had sober as proof that I wasn't dependent but that's another story) and I didn't realise how much that was utter rubbish until I had committed to sobriety and found out that I slept much better without alcohol and that stress was a breeze once my addiction was behind me What you have posted is just an excuse to carry on drinking, but it will fade into the distance once you have given up drinking for good x

GracieLou

This is true in my case. I did not have over all anxiety but I did in certain situations. Mostly driving. If it was dark, raining or snowing I was a basket case. I am not sure how I even made it to work sometimes. I used to think "How am I ever going to drive anywhere in five or ten years from now if I am having such an issue now"

That is gone. Well I am not sure about the snow as I have to wait until winter, but the rain and the dark no longer bothers me.

I never related the anxiety to drinking until I got sober.

Dee74

Some great advice here idonys

I thought I needed alcohol too - to relax, to sleep, for pain relief - I believed that at such a visceral level I never even questioned it....but it was a lie.

Yes other ways can take time to learn and practice, and they may not have that immediate hit...but you're obviously here looking for healthier more sustainable alternatives...

I think you, like all of us are with the time and effort you'll spend

Welcoem to SR D

OneLessLonely

I started realizing that any so-called benefit from drinking was actually a lie that my addictive voice was telling me to get me to drink. It would tell me drinking was the only way to relax, which may have been true short term. But I'd end up with poor sleep, anxiety, and fogginess- all of which are the opposite of relaxing. I got one step forward, to take three steps backward. With sobriety, because it's difficult in the beginning, it feels like you are taking three steps backward. But if you stick with it, it gets easier, and you end up 1000 steps forward. I can see now that drinking actually caused me most of the stress that I needed to relax from, and I do have a stressful job. I have seen benefits from meditating since the first time I did it and every time after. I also benefited greatly from The Power of Now audiobook. Don't let your addictive voice trick you into drinking or keep you from believing you can't live without it.

DarkDays

Drinking never relaxed me I only thought it did. True relaxation is what I find now , no mad beating heart anxiety or Manic thoughts , oh the joy of liberation.

stubbs

Just a quick question for you guys who have gotten sober and your anxiety subsided.About what kind of a time frame does it take for the anxiety to calm down?

fantail

Yoga is a really amazing substitute. Along with all the normal exercise benefits, there's evidence it may work on the GABA system, just like alcohol: Yoga (ba) GABA | Psychology Today

Stubbs: for me, I'd say I had noticeable improvement after my first month.

Rennet

Exercise. I prefer running. To get the relaxing benefit you really have to push your limits and tire the heck out of yourself. Feelings of euphoria + exhaustion = relaxation

MattyBoy

To me it sounds as though you have some psychological dependence on alcohol but are a fair bit off full blown alcoholism. This is good, you've caught yourself early and now is definitely a good time to start finding better, healthier ways to relax. For me, it's exercise and hot baths . Exercise gives the endorphin rush and the hot baths are for relaxation. Btw try not to give up on the meditation. It really can help if you integrate it into your life. Also try reading Eckhart Tolles book The Power of Now.. Helped me to meditate much more effectively

GracieLou

I have been sober 78 days.

Not only is my anxiety about driving gone by my weekly anxiety about how I am going to move around bills so I have enough to buy booze is gone. I never have to worry about that again.

Gottalife

Good question Stubbs. My experience is that the anxiety began to abate once I had committed to the steps and was gone by step 5. About two months in my case. My observation is that I have seen AA members of considerable dry time who have not taken the steps still suffering anxiety as if they had just come in. So it is not just a time thing, it may also be an action thing.