sunnshinegirl

My AH passes out nightly. When I get ready to head into the bedroom, sometimes he'll wake up and when he does, he doesn't know where he is or what day or time it is and he'll start arguing with me. Most of the time it's about the fact that he thinks it's morning (despite it being dark outside) and I shouldn't be headed to bed but last night, I let our dog out in the back to go potty and he started arguing with me that I was letting the dog out the front door and it would run into the street and get hurt. At first, I tried to tell him it was the back door but that only made him angry so I realized very quickly he wasn't rational so I just went outside with our dog but just wondering what all these blackouts mean and if I should be concerned? He doesn't remember anything about them the next morning. He refuses to see a doctor so that's not an option.

Pelican

You did the best thing you could do in that situation: remove yourself from the insanity.

I can't reason with an alcoholic. I especially can't reason with a drunk alcoholic. It's like going to the hardware store and asking for fresh bread. I end up frustrated and disappointed.

It may help to reply with de-tached statements like: "Oh, okay" or "I see" and leave the room rather than trying to reason with him.

What does this type of behavior mean? In my opinion, the blackouts mean his alcoholism is progressing.

Remember:
You didn't cause this,
You can't control this,
You won't cure this!

honeypig

I'm no expert, Sunnshine, but I'd take it to mean that your AH is pretty far down the alcoholic road and is pretty darn drunk on a nightly basis. Don't know that there is any deeper kind of meaning, just that he's certainly way past the "recreational" drinker phase, but you already know that.

Guess it also goes to show you how little sense there is in talking to a drunk....

Seren

Great advice here...reasoning with him while he is in this state would, imho, be entirely futile. I'm sorry that you husband continues down this path--I hope you find some relief for yourself very soon.

sunnshinegirl

Thanks. Yes, he is drunk daily starting at noon like clockwork. I have a plan to leave in place and should be gone soon. It's very frightening to see someone who has no idea of where he is or what time of day it is or what's going on. Thank you for your help.

honeypig

Sunnshine, I know the feeling of fear when you look at someone you thought you knew well and see someone completely other inhabiting their body and mind. It's a terrible thing, and I am so sorry you're feeling it.

It sounds like you're doing what you need to do to keep yourself safe and get somewhere where you can take a breath, get some perspective and make the decisions you need to make when you need to make them. Another member posted in a different thread "Often we don't know what courage we have until there is no other option", and I think that's where you are now.

Wishing you strength, peace and clarity. You are not alone, and you can do this. And you will be OK.

sunnshinegirl

Thank you HoneyPig. It is an awful feeling to watch someone you love change so entirely. Alcoholism is a terrible disease especially hard to watch in someone who is in their senior years and their body just can't take it any longer.

dandylion

Hi, sunnshine, I agree with the others that this shows the progression and especially, the amount of alcohol he is dealing with.

I will introduce one thought--if he were to stop the intake--like if he were admitted for detox (or rehab)---one can see an amazing turnaround in the mental status--particularly the kind of thing you are talking about. I have seen amazing ability of the body to recover when the liquor is removed. Another reason to get out of his way--he might possible be forced to some sort of treatment.

Oh, I am so glad to hear you say that you are still going forward with your planning. It seems the "next right thing to do".

Hang on to the serenity prayer...

dandylion

sunnshinegirl

Thank you Dandylion.

ClearLight

To be blunt - no. You should not be concerned. You should leave.

OhBoy

My STBXAW used to do the same kind of thing. Pass out on the couch nightly and if she would wake up before I went to bed, she would argue about the craziest things. There was NO reasoning with her. She would call the dogs in from outside even though they were standing right next to her & you couldn't convince her otherwise. I learned to just let her run with it unless she tried to do something dangerous. Detach from the situation, continue to do what I was doing & pretty much ignore what this other person who took my wife was doing. I remember it being a tough way to live, but easier than trying to argue with her! Of course she had no recollection of anything that happened the next day. There were many days i was absolutely put through the wringer the night before and just wore down to a nub all the nex day from some of these arguments and she would have no recollection & everything is fine! Lucky her! She could never understand why I would be upset the next day, it was as if it never happened. She saw me as a lunatic, and she was kinda right! When I started detaching and taking care of myself a little better, the days after were much easier and eventually the nights were as well. Fun stuff. I always hoped she would just stay passed out till I went to bed. I'd tiptoe around the house, watch TV with the volume down so I could just barely hear it.......Uuuggghhh!!!!!!
((((((HUGS))))))

sunnshinegirl

OhBoy, sounds identical to my situation.

wiscsober

Coming from a recovering alcoholic and an Alanon member I agree that you have a concrete plan to leave...his behavior is bordering on dangerous...

no medical advice but knowing a lot about blackouts it doesn't seem like that's what's going on...and really it doesn't matter to your health and welfare...

Thanks for sharing, but please inform your family and friends if you haven't already.

What is going on with you is what's most important at this moment.

Try Alanon at some point

sunnshinegirl

Thanks Wiscober. I do have a plan to leave and I'm putting it into effect in the next few weeks. I also have an emergency plan ready just in case. I know I need to leave but it's been a long process bringing myself around to actually doing it. Sometimes it's just easier not to worry about me and to worry about him and that's been a big part of my problem.

dandylion

Sear Sunnshinegirl, may I ask---how many weeks? Since things sound like they are at a very critical level---and it would be tempting to just back into the comfortable position of not "rocking the boat". I am thrilled to hear that you have plans because his condition is n ot going to improve until some change happens (neither will yours).

Please continue to keep us posted. We care about and worry about you!!

sincerely, dandylion

honeypig

Man, I think a LOT of us here have been there...once you start to move on, you just kind of can't believe it. Seems like you were in some kind of alternate reality or something.

Truly, the rewards of taking care of YOU are so great. Please keep reading and posting, don't even consider sticking your head back in the sand of worrying about things you can't change (him). I know people need time to come to grips w/things, but your situation sounds serious, and delaying could be a bad idea. Please consider moving as quickly as you can to get out of that situation and getting some safe space to look at where you were versus where you want to be. Once your mind clears, you will be AMAZED at what you were living with, and how "not normal" it really is.

To echo other posters, Alanon is a great step forward; please do consider it.

sunnshinegirl

Dandylion, plans are for the beginning of next month. I do have an emergency plan if needed and I'm staying strong about leaving. Thanks everyone for your help.

dandylion

Yea, Yea...sunnshinegirl!!

You have come a long way.....keep us appraised as things go along....

dandylion

Jazzman

I remember those. Like she had a free ticket to wreak havoc because the next day she just plain didn't remember it so therefore it must not have happened. And I was the crazy one.

choublak

So it doesn't seem like a blackout?