Discombobulated

This is my first post and the first time I have ever admitted I have a drink problem. Not to you folks, but to me.

I woke Saturday morning and decided to stop drinking. I am forty five years of age and other than during pregnancy I can not remember my last period of sobriety.

I'm not a complete fool, or maybe I am, so I hit the net and soon realised that if I just quit my half a litre of rum a day habit I would be putting myself in danger, but I cant go to my doctor that would mean telling someone else that I have a drink problem (still cant use that word).

I went to bed on Saturday having only drunk one drink, which I almost forced myself to drink, as I have decided to stop, right? However Sunday when I woke in a pool of sweat with a thumping headache I wondered why I'd bothered.

All day, every time I stood up I felt dizzy, christ is this sober? I spent the whole day brainstorming with myself. Why do I drink? What do I gain by drinking? What do I loose by drinking? I found answers to all my questions, but one question stumped me, What do I do instead of drinking?

Sunday night I went to bed with just one drink inside me. Should I be proud of myself for my cut down, or am I just kidding myself. This morning I again woke in a pool of sweat with the headache that it is still with me and the question What do I do instead of drinking?

CharlieNoogan

You are feeling withdrawal. It is only temporary and if you can handle short-term discomfort you will gain long-term freedom.

That said, we all want you to be safe. Please consult your doctor about the best way to handle this. Believe me, you would not be the first person to ask your doctor for help with alcoholism (probably not even the first this week).

Welcome to SR!

Michael66

Hi Discombobulated

In the first few weeks what I did in place of drinking was to read some books on recovery from alcoholism and listen to AA talks (Google XA Speakers). As time went on I found I was naturally doing other things. I only consciously decided to introduce something recently, that of aiming for a 10k race at the end of the summer and a half marathon next spring.

Well done on making the decision to quit drinking. Your doc is on your side, so try not to be scared of going to see them. You've been drinking pretty heavily, so take care of yourself and don't be afraid to seek help.

Coldfusion

Welcome!

The symptoms you are feeling are not a sign of "sobriety." You are suffering from alcohol withdrawal, and much of the discomfort you feel will pass with time.

As for "what to do instead of drinking?" SoberRecovery is one good answer. As you can see by the number of posts I have made, I spend quite a bit of time here and I'm six months sober. It helps a lot!

Discombobulated

I can not believe you folks replied, I am so used to being emotionally void, cant believe I am in tears right now, just to know that someone answered me. Thank you so much.

I know I have to see the doctor and I feel like such a coward, its as if once I've said it I cant put it back in its hiding place.

CharlieNoogan

Yes, the tears came back like a flood for me too the first few weeks I got sober. I think its a good thing, cleansing in a way.

Emotional support is important for you right now. SR is a great place to get some of that. Have you considered checking out a local AA meeting for face-to-face support? You don't even have to talk at a meeting if you don't want to... Others will see that you are new and they will offer support. Quite amazing, really.

2granddaughters

I was 45 when I came to recovery too. I'll be 69 this Friday.

I tried to do it on my own and couldn't. I am one of those alcoholics as described in AA's HOW IT WORKS.

Yes, once you admit that you are an alcoholic the cat's out of the bag ... and folks will expect you to quit drinking. Scary proposition ! I will be accountable.

All the best.

Bob R

Sasha4

Hi

I am from the UK there are a few of us here.

I am glad you found us.

If withdrawal get scary then your GP or A&E would be worth a visit. Don't suffer for the sake of being proud will you? Alcohol withdrawal can be fatal and can lead to life changing symptoms.

If I am honest I never really told anyone.
I didn't make any bold statements or promises of sobriety ever after to anyone.

I just took it one day at a time.
I wake up and say to myself 'just for today I will not drink'.
By doing that I have about 463? days without a drink.

Its honestly no big deal.
To others when they asked I simply said I had given up drinking for a month, then 6 months, then a year. Now a year has passed its normal for me and to everyone else (work, family, friends) to have a diet coke or a cup of tea. There is no pressure whatsoever.

I am not a big believer in labels - binge drinker, alcoholic, alcohol dependent or alcohol abuser.
To me if alcohol is making you and people you love unhappy, then thats reason enough to give drinking up.

However you do it, there are lots of ways.
For me coming to SR everyday has been integral to my success. I went to a few AA meetings. I would go more but I work full time and have a small child.

I love AA and I am eternally grateful to the people that have have shared their rock bottoms with me to stop me going there. Some of the coolest people I know are in AA.

There is SMART and AVRT too.

But my tip would be read and learn all you can about alcohol and addiction, here, wherever.

I see the fight to stop drinking like climbing a ladder. The top is the end of everything -be it loosing your family, your job, your home, your children, your driving licence.
You can get off when you want to.

I would rather get off now, relatively intact at the age I am, than get off in another 30 years time with nothing left.

You know there have been many, many times I have regretted drinking.
I have never regretted not drinking. Not ever.

My best to you
xx

Leshar

Hello, Sasha4,

I don't mean to hijack Discombobulated's thread, but I'm interested to know how your friends and family first responded when you told them you had stopped drinking for a month. I haven't told either friends or family about my plans, so far I haven't been in a situation where I need to, but this is what I plan to say, and so I'm worried about what to say when they say why? No one knows my alcohol abuse secret, they see me as someone who hardly drinks at all (ha!) so they're going to wonder why on earth I'm quitting "for a month"??

To Discombobulated, welcome! I'm new here too, and this site is such a wonderful resource.
I'd encourage you to visit/post often, you will receive a wealth of excellent feedback. I totally get you pondering about "what do I do instead of drinking"? I'm working on that, day by day. I think we all to a greater or lesser extent pose that question to ourselves... For me drinking has robbed me of so much time and I don't want to waste any more of it, I have a big literal and emotional mess to clean up thanks to booze, that will keep me busy for a while!

As others have suggested, I do think a visit to your GP is a good idea.
Take care!

Discombobulated

Once again thank you for your replies and support.

I will of course go to the doctor if I am not coping physically, but to be honest, I have suffered hangovers, mysteries injuries and more, but still managed to get up and drink. So I think I can cope with headaches and sweats to wake up sober, however, what else can I expect, what is normal in withdrawal.

I live alone with my two young children and want them to see as little as possible. I have no family living and of course my friends are drinkers and I would never tell them what I am doing. It is not pride I just dont want their interference until I know I am strong enough. I am used to dealing with things alone, I used to think I was quite good at . . until now.

So many mornings I have woken with the thats it, never again I dont know what is different this time, but it is and I am scared, not that I will let my boys down, Ive already done that, but that I will let myself down.

Discombobulated

Hi Leshar, feel free to hijack

Thank you for your support, I think I will be spending a lot of time here and I guess I am holding on to the one drink a day because of medical concerns, I am still in two minds though whether to let the cat out of the bag.

MemphisBlues

Withdrawal can be far more than just being uncomfortable. It can have serious physical consequences. It is really a necessary idea to see a doctor.

So glad you decided to join us. Reading and posting here was invaluable to my recovery.

hypochondriac

Welcome to SR Discombobulated

I know it is hard admitting this to people but it really is helpful to talk to people who know what's going on. If you do a google search for local drug and alcohol agencies in your area you will find that it is probably possible to self refer and they usually have specialist doctors on staff. Better to go straight to the professionals than risk getting an unhelpful doctor (I am clearly projecting my own negative experiences here so feel free to ignore them and go straight to your GP ). There is also Drinkline you can talk to over the phone or you could phone up the AA helpline. I know you still don't want to admit it to anyone but practice helps. Bear in mind that the UK advise is usually to cut down as that is safer, but it is bloody tough if you have are used to drinking a lot. Keep posting, glad you found us x

artsoul

Welcome Discombobulated!

Congratulations on making a great decision for yourself! It takes courage to admit we have a problem and reach out for help. I was so down on myself and miserable when I first came here, and making that first post was hard. I was terrified to get sober and equally terrified to keep drinking.

Like Sasha said, it helps if you can take it one day (or one hour) at a time, instead of worrying about staying sober "forever." That's way too hard. Take things as they come and lean on us for support. We're here for ya!

Discombobulated

Hi MemphisBlues

I really dont know what to expect physically, I can cope with a lot, but I dont want my head in sand if I need a doctor, so any info you can give me would be useful.

My son tells me I smell funny, is that a sympton? Or maybe I just smell

Discombobulated

Thanks artsoul, I also agree with Sasha, it sounds as if Sasha and I are alike in our attitude. When I woke saturday with my great decision I only promised myself that I would go past my trigger, cooking tea for the boys. Once that was done I promised myself one drink at bedtime, it helped to know I had a drink waiting

When I woke I told myself I had done it once I could do it again and I did. Today I promised myself I would would find some support instead of drinking and told my self I can have a drink at bed time. However, that will leave me with an empty bottle so I may have to just leave it on the side.

It may seem wrong to have a safety blanket, but I scared that if I have an empty bottle then I am likley to go and buy a bottle, whereas if there is one drink sitting in the bottle I know it is not enough to get drunk, but a reminder of what I am not doing, of what I do not need to do. This already worked for me today, I knew I only had one drink in the bottle, but came home from the shops without my usual 2lts of rum !

Sasha4

I think some people must have guessed drink was causing me problems. Blackouts etc are not the type of things you can hide.
Fortunately no-one was unkind enough to say anything to me.

Those that did not know, I just said that I had slipped into a pattern of drinking every night and I believed it to be unhealthy, which it is. So I was going to see how long I could do. At first it was a month, then 6 months.

I have found that I am more likeable now I don't drink!
I'm not as grumpy or impatient.
I think there are some people who prefer my company when I'm sober.
I was terrible the day after drinking, anxiety, crying etc.
People were worn out by me and the constant reassurance I needed.

Some situations I made it easy for me. I always offered to drive and give lifts home. Sometimes if the purpose of being there was just to drink, I avoided going. Now drunk people bore me - the repetitive conversation, being overly emotional, staggering, slurring.

I think we sometimes make more out of what we think other people will think. To most its usually no big deal, especially when they are a couple of drinks in!.

Try it and see. If you really hate it you can always go back to drinking if you want.

My best
x

Hevyn

Welcome Discombobulated! Some good stuff has already been said. I'll just add that I was in my 50's when I quit. Trust me, you don't want to continue with it. I destroyed my life and my health by trying to manage the amounts I drank. I was so afraid to let go of it. Now that I look back, I don't know why - it wasn't fun in the end, just a miserable, painful experience.

I'm glad you found us - you are not alone, and we all care. Please keep posting. You'll never regret reaching out for a better life.

deeker

Check out AA, of course you will have to swallow your pride,. Can you do that? That is where you will find folks just like you, and we come from all walks of life. Alcoholism does not discriminate. So don't think you won't fit in. You will find people just like you who are going through what you are going through or have already been there. But it's up to you. You can sit at home being miserable or you can go to a meeting where you will find experience strength and hope. I hope you choose to go to a meeting.

Here is a link to an AA Audio Big Book. Why don't you sit back, relax and listen to it. Starting with the Dr opinion. You will learn more about alcoholism and AA and find out how millions have found a solution. God Bless! Best decision I ever made. God Bless!

Big Book Audio MP3

Linked With Permission Of AA World Services, Inc

Discombobulated

Thank you all of you ~ My boys are tucked up in bed and I am also going to bed now SOBER!

I wish you all a very sober, happy and healthy night and pray that you will all be here tomorrow.

ps. It is 10.50 pm in the UK