feel all alone
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: NY
Posts: 149
feel all alone
even though i may have a few friends i still feel all alone, all the time. today at the bbq i did all the cooking and then after i left and went home. i didnt want to stay there, i wasnt really having any fun what so ever. i dont know how to have fun sober, i dont know what i am going to do with myself.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
It took me a little time to learn the skill of being sociable and relating to people without booze.
I'm not sure exactly how long you've been sober, but if you like me you drank for years?
maybe you should cut yourself a little slack?
D
I'm not sure exactly how long you've been sober, but if you like me you drank for years?
maybe you should cut yourself a little slack?
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,711
It takes time to get used to being sober but the more social functions I go to the better at it I get and the more comfortable I feel. It's like learning how to do everything again. Know that you are not alone
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: NY
Posts: 149
Originally Posted by Dee74 
It took me a little time to learn the skill of being sociable and relating to people without booze.
I'm not sure exactly how long you've been sober, but if you like me you drank for years?
maybe you should cut yourself a little slack?
D
I'm not sure exactly how long you've been sober, but if you like me you drank for years?
maybe you should cut yourself a little slack?
D
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Yeah, like I said I drank for years, and not to depress you further but it took me a fair while to sort out the all debris my drinking had left behind....but I did.
You just pick up a piece at a time, y'know?
I had noone to help me either.
I'm kinda glad of that now, It made me self reliant.
I've had to go into loan a few times to sort stuff out - otherwise a budget plan is always good....or I just go without whatever it is for a while.
I found volunteering was really good for me - it got me out of the house, got me interacting with people, and I was doing good besides.
I dunno how much free time you have but I definitely recommend doing something like that if you feel alone.
D
You just pick up a piece at a time, y'know?
I had noone to help me either.
I'm kinda glad of that now, It made me self reliant.
I've had to go into loan a few times to sort stuff out - otherwise a budget plan is always good....or I just go without whatever it is for a while.
I found volunteering was really good for me - it got me out of the house, got me interacting with people, and I was doing good besides.
I dunno how much free time you have but I definitely recommend doing something like that if you feel alone.
D
Sober since October
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Hi, Legend.
Sorry you feel so low, I hear you.
41 day clean - that's great achievement, but still early and your body is recovering and emotions are pretty much roller coaster.
I have no family either.
My finances are far from being fine. Oh, well.
But...
I am sober. That means there is hope for me.
Sometimes when I feel absolutely desperate, something good happens. The point is it really happens.
Never give up, never lose hope.
And keep posting. SR is a wonderful place where people's kindness and understanding work wonders.
Take care.
Oh, and you will be able to have fun sober, take it from me)
Sorry you feel so low, I hear you.
41 day clean - that's great achievement, but still early and your body is recovering and emotions are pretty much roller coaster.
I have no family either.
My finances are far from being fine. Oh, well.
But...
I am sober. That means there is hope for me.
Sometimes when I feel absolutely desperate, something good happens. The point is it really happens.
Never give up, never lose hope.
And keep posting. SR is a wonderful place where people's kindness and understanding work wonders.
Take care.
Oh, and you will be able to have fun sober, take it from me)
Sober since October
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
From what I see a lot of people are scared about this.
Me too, in a way.
What would be the worst scenario if you talk to a stranger? Will he/she kill you, hit, think you are funny?
You are talking to us now - we are also strangers, generally speaking)
It's just amazing what walls of fear we build in our heads - I am extremely good at it myself.
Keep your chin up. This world is not a piece of cake, but still not a bad place to live in.
Me too, in a way.
What would be the worst scenario if you talk to a stranger? Will he/she kill you, hit, think you are funny?
You are talking to us now - we are also strangers, generally speaking)
It's just amazing what walls of fear we build in our heads - I am extremely good at it myself.
Keep your chin up. This world is not a piece of cake, but still not a bad place to live in.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 414
It sounds like you have a bit of social anxiety going on. I am in the same boat, but 160 days out I am feeling much better about talking to people.
I had a situation similar to yours today. I discovered this week through Facebook that my old college roommate that I haven't seen for 6 or 7 years, lost his mother due to cancer. A couple of months ago I might have just sent him a message with my condolences. For some reason that surprised me, I actually really wanted to go to the funeral. So I did. The Mass was beautiful, and it was great reconnecting with people that had written me off because I stopped responding back in the throes of drinking.
I was surprised at the ease with which I was able to talk to people, even strangers. I guess my confidence is coming back, slowly but surely.
After the luncheon, my old friends were planning on heading to the bar down the street. That's when I made my exit, and started the 90 minute drive home. I'll echo others in this thread and say cut yourself some slack - give it time. And maybe start with non-alcohol fueled events instead of barbecues...
I had a situation similar to yours today. I discovered this week through Facebook that my old college roommate that I haven't seen for 6 or 7 years, lost his mother due to cancer. A couple of months ago I might have just sent him a message with my condolences. For some reason that surprised me, I actually really wanted to go to the funeral. So I did. The Mass was beautiful, and it was great reconnecting with people that had written me off because I stopped responding back in the throes of drinking.
I was surprised at the ease with which I was able to talk to people, even strangers. I guess my confidence is coming back, slowly but surely.
After the luncheon, my old friends were planning on heading to the bar down the street. That's when I made my exit, and started the 90 minute drive home. I'll echo others in this thread and say cut yourself some slack - give it time. And maybe start with non-alcohol fueled events instead of barbecues...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: NY
Posts: 149
i have told my doctors about my anxiety but they diagnosed me as bi-polar so i dont know what is going on. i dont trust people at AA, they are strangers and they like to talk about others lives and i dont need my stuff broadcasted all over the place
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
I agree with the others..... 41 days is still really early, so give yourself time. It's so normal to have all kinds of emotion early on: loneliness, fear, anxiety, boredom, restlessness.
Also, try to be your own best friend. It's so easy for us to think about all the negative things, especially when it comes to ourselves. Thinking positive takes practice, but it really does help.
As far as social things, I was never very good at it either (especially making small-talk), but since getting sober, I've decided that that's OK..... I actually prefer sharing one-on-one, or working on a project with other people.
It really does get better - it's just slow. It took me a few months of sobriety just to get used to feeling my feelings and doing small things sober. I think you'll find that even though you can't see it every day, things really are changing little by little. Hang in there!
Also, try to be your own best friend. It's so easy for us to think about all the negative things, especially when it comes to ourselves. Thinking positive takes practice, but it really does help.
As far as social things, I was never very good at it either (especially making small-talk), but since getting sober, I've decided that that's OK..... I actually prefer sharing one-on-one, or working on a project with other people.
It really does get better - it's just slow. It took me a few months of sobriety just to get used to feeling my feelings and doing small things sober. I think you'll find that even though you can't see it every day, things really are changing little by little. Hang in there!
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