Crissaay

Hi. I need help. I need something. I'm so stupid.

My husband is a heroin addict. We just got married 2 weeks ago and he tells me he's a heroin addict. I know I'm the idiot for marrying him, I shouldn't have. He wants to quit, but he wanted to get married & tell me so he knew I couldn't leave.
He stopped for a week. Then I got mad because he didnt clean the room or feed the child, so I blew up. It's hard working two jobs & coming home tired and have it be a mess.
He took off all weekend, come to find out he was in the hospital because he overdosed somewhere. He doesn't know how he got to the hospital he doesn't remember.
Then this morning he's over on the side of the bed trying to smoke the rest of the heroin off the foil!
From me stopping him I get hit.
I'm not sure what to do. My head is pounding, I'm so embarrassed, I feel so worthless, and I'm trying so hard.
I need someone to say something anything. I can't tell anybody. How embarrassing.
I can't help but blame him because all this is his fault & I know my words are so cruel to him but I'm just so mad and hurt...

Anyone?

Ann

Welcome to SR, and please know you are among people here who care and understand.

This set a red flag off for me. Dear, nobody should ever be abused, you don't deserve it no matter what he says or how he blames you. Please read the sticky threads at the top of this forum and you will find a lot of information there that may help you understand what you are up against.

We don't usually tell people whether to stay or go, that decision is entirely up to you and we support you either way...but when there is abuse involved, I can't help but suggest you cut your losses and leave before it gets worse...and abuse always gets worse. The fact he waited until you were married to tell you so you couldn't leave, is his way of trying to control you completely.

He's a sick man, and you are in a dangerous situation. If you can call family or a women's shelter, maybe they can help you make a plan to find a better life for yourself.

I am so sorry you are going through this pain. My prayers go out for you.

Hugs

mareahh

Get out now!

AnvilheadII

yup get out, get an annulment and move on. get you and your children safely away from this addict. you CAN leave...marriage isn't a prison...it was a mistake...which you can rectify.

you deserve better.

Ann

Please don't feel embarrassed or ashamed, you made a mistake - everyone makes mistakes. A wise woman will hold her head high and walk from her mistake before anyone gets hurt. You can do it, but you might want to have someone with you if you decide to leave. That can be the most dangerous time with abusers.

I brought this here so you can read it and realize how serious abuse is.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post3885679

Hugs

Crissaay

I don't understand. On so many websites they say to stay with your partner if their willing to go down the road to recovery. I know relapse usually happens but idk I'm just so dumbfounded and just lost of words.

AnvilheadII

he was smoking HEROIN next to you in bed and then HIT you.
'nuf said. you didn't sign up for this and you have the chance NOW to get out.

atalose

Get out now! No one deserves to be hit. I think if you stay you’ll end up feeling more embarrassed and ashamed that you did. There is a child involved here, what happens if that child gets in the way of his drugs? He’s already proven that his drugs come before the well being of that child by neglecting to feed him/her.

You’re not worthless!! Pack up and move on.

zoso77

You're not worthless. But you're in a vulnerable situation; children in the picture makes things all the more pressing. So let me stress two things:

1) Physical abuse is 100% unacceptable. Period.

2) Protecting your child is your top priority.

Normally I don't say things like I'm about to say, but...

Get out. Get out now. Call whoever you have to call and stay with whoever you need to stay with. And I would strongly encourage you to get a RO against your husband. Right now, you need to be somewhere safe. Don't worry about embarrassment or shame. Do what you need to do to protect yourself and your child.

Please keep us posted as to how you are.

ZoSo

zoso77

Crissaay...

Read this carefully.

There is nothing in your husband's track record or behavior that indicates he wants to stop using. Your safety and the safety of your child takes priority. It's as simple as that.

He HIT you. That is completely, unequivocally, 100 percent unacceptable.

Do what you need to do.

ZoSo

Crissaay

I feel like I'm the idiot on tv that everyone is yelling & saying wtf are you thinking?! And saying how stupid you are... 😔

zoso77

You're not stupid. You were manipulated into a compromising situation. There is no one on this board who will accuse you of being stupid because there are a lot of us who have gone through similar crises. You have an opportunity to read some of their stories. You're not alone.

There will be a time for self assessment and lessons learned, but not right now. Right now is a time for action. Get out, get safe, and no f**king around.

ZoSo

Crissaay

Zoso

He wants too. I've asked before and he never said yes he wants to stop. I understand its bad he hit me but I hit him back. I shouldn't have. Honestly I know my mind is effed up from all the abuse I had as a child, it's not a big deal. And i know that's so messed up & ridiculous but I don't know.
I work a lot so I make sure my little girl goes to my moms. I was mad because she was eating candy when she wasn't suppose to.

I don't know. I don't know.

Crissaay

I'm safe I'm at work. Haha I love work...

Kindeyes

Hon.....normally we don't tell anyone to leave or to stay, as Ann said. It is an individual choice.....but no one.....absolutely no one.....deserves to be hit for any reason.

There is no reason to feel ashamed. We have all made our share of mistakes and you would be surprised how many of us may have been in your shoes. When abuse is involved......you need help to get out of the situation and get to a place of safety.

We care.....you are not alone.

gentle hugs
ke

incitingsilence

I am glad you are safe now, but how long will that last?

What will be the next instance that sets him off, and how bad will you be hurt? Addiction escalates, abuse escalates....it doesn't magically get better. He can say all he wants that he wants help, but using tends to make that one a big lie. But sadly it won't be his lies that do the most damage it will be the ones you are telling yourself.

and it is a big deal...and you aren't the blame nor should you take it. I know how f*cked up ones head can be if they were abused as a child...always the blame, the bad one, walking on eggshells, stuck in this if I can just get it right as if there is a right ... cause as soon as you get it, the damn rules change. Please get yourself some help asap, not only for you, but for your children.

legna

Your child doesn't get to escape to work.

HopeSpringsToo

I haven't been posting much lately due to the chaos that is my life right now, but I felt compelled to jump in here since you have children.

God gave us mothers a natural instinct to protect our children - that instinct should not just apply to strangers or extended relatives. It was put there by God to protect our children from ANYONE. Including the very person that contributed to their being. If he was willing to hit you, what is to stop him from hitting a child that can't hit back.

It's time to stop turning this inward and look instead to protecting your child first and foremost. You get a choice in this matter, your child does not so it is your responsibility to make sound choices for them. If your child were grown and going through this, what would you want for them?

Take care of yourself and your little one first and foremost. Your husband, while affected by addiction, is a grown man and has no right to treat anyone that way EVER.

Hugs to you and your child - I hope you understand this coming only from a place of caring as we have all walked similar paths and hate to see others suffer in the same way.

Lily1918

Just a thought....

What if.... your husband was nodded off and your young child got ahold of his heroin?
I have a heroin addict bf who lived in my home and I have young children. I can relate.

This situation is tough. But I have to agree with the others. I believe you still have time for an annulment.

Crissaay

He goes to a secret place & does it. He doesn't do it around anyone.