day ONE --- AGAIN!
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: salt Lake
Posts: 488
day ONE --- AGAIN!
Day ONE again! Why do I keep doing this? I have relapsed (one day relapses) like every two or three weeks for months now.
I have learned that i cannot blame others but at the same time i am trying to figure out what my triggers are. Or am i just waiting for someone or something to trigger me so i can justify to myself that i have a reason to drink?
Needless to say, I feel like s*** today!
I have learned that i cannot blame others but at the same time i am trying to figure out what my triggers are. Or am i just waiting for someone or something to trigger me so i can justify to myself that i have a reason to drink?
Needless to say, I feel like s*** today!
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by PreciousKitty 
Or am i just waiting for someone or something to trigger me so i can justify to myself that i have a reason to drink?
You can't leave the door open to drinking...the decision to not drink is just that. You don't drink. And you learn (and this is your struggle) to deal with all the other crap in your life without drinking.
A forum can only do so much. Maybe the issues with your family and those dynamics should be talked out with someone face-to-face.
Re-Tread
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Meditation
Posts: 1,300
That sucks you don't feel well. Hangovers are part of the territory. I definitely do not miss those.
I did not start to feel like I was really changing until I stopped focusing on why this was happening and focused only on how I was going to stay stopped.
I did not start to feel like I was really changing until I stopped focusing on why this was happening and focused only on how I was going to stay stopped.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: SoCal, California
Posts: 990
I have relapsed (one day relapses) like every two or three weeks for months now.
Something to think about.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Liverpool, England
Posts: 681
It'll be my day one tomorrow as I drank 2 glasses of wine today at lunch.
I get exactly where you're coming from Kitty, it just isn't worth it. I did nearly a week sober and the threw it all away for 2 glasses - what an idiot.
BUT, the positives, I feel like I've learnt from the slip that moderation just isn't an option for me, although in my head I thought it was. Maybe this is my moment of clarity, my convincer, that I need to (quoting our Dee) "take drink off the table" for good.
All the best friend, we can do this!
I get exactly where you're coming from Kitty, it just isn't worth it. I did nearly a week sober and the threw it all away for 2 glasses - what an idiot.
BUT, the positives, I feel like I've learnt from the slip that moderation just isn't an option for me, although in my head I thought it was. Maybe this is my moment of clarity, my convincer, that I need to (quoting our Dee) "take drink off the table" for good.
All the best friend, we can do this!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
Originally Posted by PreciousKitty
Day ONE again! Why do I keep doing this? I have relapsed (one day relapses) like every two or three weeks for months now.
!
!
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by PreciousKitty
Why do I keep doing this?
Incentive Sensitization Theory
Incentive Sensitization Theory of Addiction
The reason why incentive salience occurs with addiction is because the brain of the individual has become sensitized to the substance. This can be viewed as occurring in four steps:
- Susceptible individuals can develop hypersensitization if they are repeatedly exposed to addictive substances. This means that in the future the drug will stimulate neurobehavioral systems at a greater intensity than in the past. When this happens the individual will get an increased level of pleasure from their drug use – at least initially.
- Hypersensitization leads to incentive salience and the symptoms associated with addiction. The individual will now have a strong desire for the drug that goes way beyond liking it.
- Incentive salience ensures repetition of the behavior.
- The unconscious forces that drive the addiction become a conscious yearning for the drug.
It can be hard to understand why addicts fail to give up their addiction. They may frequently be remorseful about their behaviors and make plans to stop. Despite their promises though, they may continue to use or relapse after only a short time. It is easy to dismiss these actions as the work of an individual who is willfully set on their own destruction. Incentive sensitization gives another explanation for their behavior.
As people progress through addiction the role of pleasure in their use of drug becomes less important. The individual may no longer even like the substance but they still feel the need to keep on taking it. The unconscious effects of incentive salience are producing this behavior. When this individual makes promises to change they may really mean it. Despite their good intentions they may continuously fail. This is why many addicts will require assistance and treatment if they are to escape their addiction forever.
Incentive Sensitization in Recovery
An understanding of incentive sensitization can be highly valuable to people in recovery. It can let them see that just because a craving to use again appears it doesn’t mean that they are doing something wrong. It may be many years before these cravings disappear completely, but they do diminish over time. Incentive salience is undoubtedly a strong foe but knowledge is the key to defeating it. Getting support during those times when these cravings appear will help the individual avoid a relapse.
Knowledge is power! Get well, my friend! You can do this.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: California
Posts: 2,643
Kitty! 
Okay, you know the routine, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move forward. This and the last relapse were preceded by discussions of discontent in the home environment. Obviously, this is a big trigger for you. Have you considered seeing a therapist who specializes in addiction/recovery? A trained professional may be able to provide you with guidance in dealing with domestic conflict and help you to identify shifts in your mental/emotional psychie that could forewarn you of an upcoming relapse so that you can take necessary measures to prevent it.
Stay here and stay focused, Kitty. I know you can do it!
Okay, you know the routine, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move forward. This and the last relapse were preceded by discussions of discontent in the home environment. Obviously, this is a big trigger for you. Have you considered seeing a therapist who specializes in addiction/recovery? A trained professional may be able to provide you with guidance in dealing with domestic conflict and help you to identify shifts in your mental/emotional psychie that could forewarn you of an upcoming relapse so that you can take necessary measures to prevent it. Stay here and stay focused, Kitty. I know you can do it!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: NJ
Posts: 41
It's Day 1 for me - AGAIN - too. Ugh. I was so proud of myself for not drinking all week and then blew it all on a bender yesterday (because I was home from work...) and now I am so mad at myself. And so disappointed that I'm even *thinking* about wine right now that I'm crying. I need to change my life. Thank goodness for you all you out there who support each other (and me) on this amazing website.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Liverpool, England
Posts: 681
Originally Posted by Ostrich123
It's Day 1 for me - AGAIN - too. Ugh. I was so proud of myself for not drinking all week and then blew it all on a bender yesterday (because I was home from work...) and now I am so mad at myself. And so disappointed that I'm even *thinking* about wine right now that I'm crying. I need to change my life. Thank goodness for you all you out there who support each other (and me) on this amazing website.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 366
Kitty,
There is this saying that I absolutely love; "fall down seven times, stand up eight". I love it because it's not "screw up once, oh well. screw up twice, you're an idiot". It's more realistic. It takes many attempts before most get it right. So no use beating yourself up over multiple attempts.
Did you get a chance to read my response on your thread yesterday???
I just think that sometimes we get ourselves in these cycles . . . of depression, bad eating habits, drinking, unhealthy relationships . . . that feed into each other. And so there is a sense of being overwhelmed. There is a sense of not knowing where to start. And if you decided to start somewhere (like giving up drinking), there are all these other parts that are still causing us stress. And it becomes easy to think, "let me put my resolve NOT to drink on hold, while I attend to this other crisis in my life".
But I'm coming to understand myself, that NOTHING will change, until, at least ONE THING finally changes FOR GOOD.
I'm choosing drinking. I'm not going to drink. No matter what else is going on in my life.
There is this saying that I absolutely love; "fall down seven times, stand up eight". I love it because it's not "screw up once, oh well. screw up twice, you're an idiot". It's more realistic. It takes many attempts before most get it right. So no use beating yourself up over multiple attempts.
Did you get a chance to read my response on your thread yesterday???
I just think that sometimes we get ourselves in these cycles . . . of depression, bad eating habits, drinking, unhealthy relationships . . . that feed into each other. And so there is a sense of being overwhelmed. There is a sense of not knowing where to start. And if you decided to start somewhere (like giving up drinking), there are all these other parts that are still causing us stress. And it becomes easy to think, "let me put my resolve NOT to drink on hold, while I attend to this other crisis in my life".
But I'm coming to understand myself, that NOTHING will change, until, at least ONE THING finally changes FOR GOOD.
I'm choosing drinking. I'm not going to drink. No matter what else is going on in my life.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
some great responses here PK.
I spent a lot of time looking for triggers and reasons and explanations - that effort was really better spent on not drinking.
Whatever problems we have there are ways to solve them without a bottle...it will be longer, it will be harder, it may involve some discomfort...but facing life without resorting to drink forces us to solve problems and actually 'break on through to the other side'...not merely push things to one side like we do when we drink.
I know you can do this PK - believe in yourself
D
I spent a lot of time looking for triggers and reasons and explanations - that effort was really better spent on not drinking.
Whatever problems we have there are ways to solve them without a bottle...it will be longer, it will be harder, it may involve some discomfort...but facing life without resorting to drink forces us to solve problems and actually 'break on through to the other side'...not merely push things to one side like we do when we drink.
I know you can do this PK - believe in yourself
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: salt Lake
Posts: 488
Originally Posted by Panache
It'll be my day one tomorrow as I drank 2 glasses of wine today at lunch.
I get exactly where you're coming from Kitty, it just isn't worth it. I did nearly a week sober and the threw it all away for 2 glasses - what an idiot.
BUT, the positives, I feel like I've learnt from the slip that moderation just isn't an option for me, although in my head I thought it was. Maybe this is my moment of clarity, my convincer, that I need to (quoting our Dee) "take drink off the table" for good.
All the best friend, we can do this!
I get exactly where you're coming from Kitty, it just isn't worth it. I did nearly a week sober and the threw it all away for 2 glasses - what an idiot.
BUT, the positives, I feel like I've learnt from the slip that moderation just isn't an option for me, although in my head I thought it was. Maybe this is my moment of clarity, my convincer, that I need to (quoting our Dee) "take drink off the table" for good.
All the best friend, we can do this!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: salt Lake
Posts: 488
Originally Posted by Nonsensical
I post this because you have expressed a desire for greater understanding in the past.
Incentive Sensitization Theory
Incentive Sensitization Theory of Addiction
The reason why incentive salience occurs with addiction is because the brain of the individual has become sensitized to the substance. This can be viewed as occurring in four steps:
It can be hard to understand why addicts fail to give up their addiction. They may frequently be remorseful about their behaviors and make plans to stop. Despite their promises though, they may continue to use or relapse after only a short time. It is easy to dismiss these actions as the work of an individual who is willfully set on their own destruction. Incentive sensitization gives another explanation for their behavior.
As people progress through addiction the role of pleasure in their use of drug becomes less important. The individual may no longer even like the substance but they still feel the need to keep on taking it. The unconscious effects of incentive salience are producing this behavior. When this individual makes promises to change they may really mean it. Despite their good intentions they may continuously fail. This is why many addicts will require assistance and treatment if they are to escape their addiction forever.
Incentive Sensitization in Recovery
An understanding of incentive sensitization can be highly valuable to people in recovery. It can let them see that just because a craving to use again appears it doesn’t mean that they are doing something wrong. It may be many years before these cravings disappear completely, but they do diminish over time. Incentive salience is undoubtedly a strong foe but knowledge is the key to defeating it. Getting support during those times when these cravings appear will help the individual avoid a relapse.
Knowledge is power! Get well, my friend! You can do this.
Incentive Sensitization Theory
Incentive Sensitization Theory of Addiction
The reason why incentive salience occurs with addiction is because the brain of the individual has become sensitized to the substance. This can be viewed as occurring in four steps:
- Susceptible individuals can develop hypersensitization if they are repeatedly exposed to addictive substances. This means that in the future the drug will stimulate neurobehavioral systems at a greater intensity than in the past. When this happens the individual will get an increased level of pleasure from their drug use – at least initially.
- Hypersensitization leads to incentive salience and the symptoms associated with addiction. The individual will now have a strong desire for the drug that goes way beyond liking it.
- Incentive salience ensures repetition of the behavior.
- The unconscious forces that drive the addiction become a conscious yearning for the drug.
It can be hard to understand why addicts fail to give up their addiction. They may frequently be remorseful about their behaviors and make plans to stop. Despite their promises though, they may continue to use or relapse after only a short time. It is easy to dismiss these actions as the work of an individual who is willfully set on their own destruction. Incentive sensitization gives another explanation for their behavior.
As people progress through addiction the role of pleasure in their use of drug becomes less important. The individual may no longer even like the substance but they still feel the need to keep on taking it. The unconscious effects of incentive salience are producing this behavior. When this individual makes promises to change they may really mean it. Despite their good intentions they may continuously fail. This is why many addicts will require assistance and treatment if they are to escape their addiction forever.
Incentive Sensitization in Recovery
An understanding of incentive sensitization can be highly valuable to people in recovery. It can let them see that just because a craving to use again appears it doesn’t mean that they are doing something wrong. It may be many years before these cravings disappear completely, but they do diminish over time. Incentive salience is undoubtedly a strong foe but knowledge is the key to defeating it. Getting support during those times when these cravings appear will help the individual avoid a relapse.
Knowledge is power! Get well, my friend! You can do this.
Thank you.
Nikki
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Topeka
Posts: 31
Originally Posted by PreciousKitty
Day ONE again! Why do I keep doing this? I have relapsed (one day relapses) like every two or three weeks for months now.
I have learned that i cannot blame others but at the same time i am trying to figure out what my triggers are. Or am i just waiting for someone or something to trigger me so i can justify to myself that i have a reason to drink?
Needless to say, I feel like s*** today!
I have learned that i cannot blame others but at the same time i am trying to figure out what my triggers are. Or am i just waiting for someone or something to trigger me so i can justify to myself that i have a reason to drink?
Needless to say, I feel like s*** today!
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by PreciousKitty
You always respond to my posts, and to many others. I really hope you know the difference you make in others lives and what a beautiful soul you are.
Thank you.
Thank you.
People on this forum gave me the tools I needed to save my own life. I'm just trying to pay it forward.
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
Originally Posted by Panache
I'm with you Ostrich, I AM the village idiot.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Newcastle, UK
Posts: 571
Originally Posted by Panache
It'll be my day one tomorrow as I drank 2 glasses of wine today at lunch.
I get exactly where you're coming from Kitty, it just isn't worth it. I did nearly a week sober and the threw it all away for 2 glasses - what an idiot.
BUT, the positives, I feel like I've learnt from the slip that moderation just isn't an option for me, although in my head I thought it was. Maybe this is my moment of clarity, my convincer, that I need to (quoting our Dee) "take drink off the table" for good.
All the best friend, we can do this!
I get exactly where you're coming from Kitty, it just isn't worth it. I did nearly a week sober and the threw it all away for 2 glasses - what an idiot.
BUT, the positives, I feel like I've learnt from the slip that moderation just isn't an option for me, although in my head I thought it was. Maybe this is my moment of clarity, my convincer, that I need to (quoting our Dee) "take drink off the table" for good.
All the best friend, we can do this!
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