minx

my husband has only recently recognised that he's a binge drinker and has only been going to AA for about 2 weeks. We go away shortly for a holiday /a therapy time for us to talk and to try and heal what happened recently, to a beautiful place, on a small island, with sunshine...and last time we were there the booze flowed...obviously this time, the booze will have to flow away...but Im worried if he will be ok with no meetings to go to there? He says he feels well equipped (from what he's learnt at AA) to survive with NO meetings to go to for a week and that he will be fine. But I worry...He has had longer periods of abstinence before, but in the past he may have had the strength to abstain because he's known he'll be able to have a drink at some point...He says he now has the 'tools' to deal with it and that he is even ok with me having the odd glass of wine if I wanted to. Can someone in recovery really be ok watching someone else enjoy a glass of wine? Can they really survive a week without a meeting when they've only just begun down this path? I appreciate you reading this and offering me any thoughts you have...thank you

sugarbear1

Where are you going? They may have AA meetings there. Private message me if you would like help locating a meeting.

oinobares

I'd say it can be a serious challenge, but is possible. One time before I tried this at a "well-watered" vacation spot and relapsed. Most recently I was working the steps and committed to AA and had no problems at all.

Does he have phone contacts for some people in his meetings? Encourage him to pick up the phone before picking up the drink. I know that is real easy to suggest and harder to do in the moment, but someone very early in sobriety in my group who was on vacation recently and on the verge of drinking used the phone and it helped him stay sober.

Best wishes!

minx

I can't say where it is we are going...i don't want to reveal too much as I'm worried he'll work out its me on here....but IRS a tiny island and I've looked into it and i know the nearest meting is a good boat journey away, possibly even a short plane ride away. But thank you for suggesting that i can urge him to ring someone, if I sense he is struggling. I hope that his AA companions will suggest this to him and that he will be armed with some numbers. I really appreciate your support and advice in this. It helps me so much.

Louise82

If you'll have internet access on the island, your husband might like to check out online meetings. They're not to everyone's liking but here's the link to a directory just in case AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) Live Chat Online Meeting Directory

There's also a site with recordings of speaker meetings: AA Speaker Tapes : Find Alcoholics Anonymous Speakers Each recording is downloadable so if you're not going to have internet access, he can download them onto his MP3 player before you guys set off.

I back the suggestion that he should get some phone numbers from people in his meeting before you leave so that he can phone/text them if he needs to.

minx

Oh my God, you guys are brilliant. Thank you, thank you. I've checked and he does have the number of "Brian", so Brian is coming on holiday with us, in my mind. He seemed so confident too, which is a joy. And knowing of those sites, downloads etc is also reassuring. Thanks again.

sugarbear1

Why isn't your husband taking responsibility for his recovery and posting these questions himself???

avocado

You're going to have to trust his judgment. If he says he can handle it, then trust him until and unless he screws up. I am about 70 days sober and I've been out to many bars and parties and I still avoid drinking and I have only been to one AA meeting and that's only because I was hanging with a friend who goes to a weekly meeting. Everyone's different and only your husband truly knows how his recovery will work.

And sugarbear1 - just because he's not posting on this site doesn't mean he's not 'taking responsibility for his recovery.' There are other ways to recover besides posting on this board. Maybe he's not into message boards. Doesn't mean he's not serious about recovery.

sugarbear1

Maybe the question should by why is wife on here asking for reassurance on someone we don't know?

Al Anon can come in handy here.

minx

I liked the look of this site more than I liked the look of Alanon - I instantly was a lot more comfortable with the whole experience of a forum and forum of exactly this kind. I posted because I've lost the ability to trust entirely on my husband, and I wanted and got (thank you) some extremely valuable replies, advice and some opinions from people who REALLY would know an awful lot more than those who haven't been through something so similar themselves. I don't really want to hear what other poor 'victims' of alcholic partners have been through...or even how they 'cope' (Im not being harsh, or cocky, I just want to focus on the positive as much as possible)....I want to understand and help both my husband and myself get thru this - if we can get thru this....and I felt like this was the best place to ask questions that my husband wouldn't yet have the answers/probabilities for, as he has't yet experienced what many of you have.

LexieCat

Gosh, I don't know where you got the idea Al-Anon is full of "victims" of alcoholic partners. The whole idea of Al-Anon is to focus on your own recovery, and the focus is DEFINITELY on the positive. Certainly when some new people come in they are FEELING like victims, but recovery gets them out of that mindset.

The fact that you are researching whether your husband will be OK doing this or that suggests that you are doing a bit too much "managing" of his recovery. That isn't good for either one of you.

You alluded to not liking the "look" of Al-Anon. I suggest you give it a try--at least a few meetings, and if you don't like the first one you attend, try another one. My guess is that you will find it helpful in keeping the focus on yourself rather than your husband and his recovery. In addition, since they use the same 12 Steps as AA, you would be growing, yourself, along the same lines that he is.

minx

Yes I hear you. I thought I was looking after myself bring on here, but maybe a meeting would be good. I guess its also easier for me to be on here as I don't want to leave my son when I can do it from home. And i do feel much stronger as a result of what you all have been saying..which us helping me. But I will endeavour to be more open to trying to find time to possibly go to one. I didn't think everyone at Alanon would be victims, hence putting it in quotation marks, just couldn't think of a more appropriate word. Thanks again.